


Unintended

by Yuneyn



Series: Unintended ~ extended [1]
Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fluff, L's cherry stems skills, M/M, Working together to tie up loose ends, because I don't write to make myself sad, unsuccessful denial of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-01-23 10:47:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 44,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18548239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuneyn/pseuds/Yuneyn
Summary: "Sure, maybe L kind of enjoyed seeing Light lose his perfect composure - that was when the “real” Light appeared, whom L found much more interesting than the fake facade he persisted in putting on. And, alright, maybe he sort of liked having someone to talk to who could be considered an equal for once. It was stimulating, and an unexpectedly nice change from his solitary life. But, first of all, he would never admit any of this, and secondly, this didn’t mean anything. They had simply grown accustomed to being with each other all the time, which was a good thing considering their situation, but it didn’t mean that they liked it. L certainly didn’t.He didn’t."Despite himself, L starts warming up to Light during the time they are handcuffed together. And when Light confesses to some rather disconcerting memories, he's definitely not feeling as satisfied as he should.





	1. Stay and wait for tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been ruining my life for about a year so hopefully it isn't complete garbage (>_<)
> 
> I accidentally fell back into Death Note about a year and a half ago, and after spending six months trying to ignore the idea that was nagging at the back of my head, I had to write it so it would leave me alone. Except that writing L and Light is a bit of out of my comfort zone, so I sometimes spent weeks unable to write more than one stupid sentence, and I hate them, and this fic. It was supposed to be like only 4-5 chapters when I first outlined it, why did it do this to me.
> 
> The good news, though: this fic is completed, and 8 chapters out of 12 are already beta-d. I plan on posting one chapter every Monday, so the remaining unbeta-d chapters should be done by the time we reach them.
> 
> Basically, this fic was born from my desire to have L not die and to give him a happy ending - and also because I kept wondering what happened to Yotsuba!Light after Kira came back and it kinda made me sad, and I don't like being sad. I know this Light isn't everyone's favorite, so you've been warned: he's going to be our main Light here.
> 
> In the end, all I tried to do is give those characters a happy ending and tie up loose ends in a way that allowed me to write lots of fluff but also didn't seem completely unrealistic and OOC. I hope that I succeeded at least a little :) and that this fic will give a few other people happy feels! 
> 
> Huge thanks to everyone who's listened to me complain about this fic for the past year, and to those who've helped me get over those writer's block episodes :)  
> And the biggest thank you to my amazing beta [Akumeoi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akumeoi/pseuds/Akumeoi). You're the best! <3

L hadn’t expected Light’s voice to interrupt his quiet work. Sure, he had noticed that the younger man had stopped shifting in bed, but he had only assumed Light had moved on to a different sleep stage. They had been handcuffed to each other for two weeks now, and L had quickly learned to recognize Light’s sleeping patterns - which had proven completely useless to his investigation, as Light seemed to be sleeping exactly as he had when he had been under surveillance. Maybe a little more restlessly, but that could very well be the result of the confinement and the fake execution, and not whatever change Light had very obviously gone through.

Now, if only Light could start talking in his sleep; maybe his subconscious knew something useful. Unfortunately, his voice had sounded way too clear when he had asked whether or not L was awake. L now suspected Light might have been feigning sleep for a while and frowned slightly. He should have noticed. Apparently, his lack of motivation was affecting him more than he thought.

“I am awake. Though I am not sure why you would also be at two thirty-six in the morning, Light-kun,” L said, without bothering to turn away from his laptop.

“I was just thinking…” Light trailed off, and L heard him shift around in bed. When Light spoke again, his voice was quieter than usual. “That… theory of yours. That Kira’s power can switch from person to person, and that, when it does, it also takes away the person’s memories. What if… What if you’re right? What if it happened to me? And you can prove it, but I still don’t remember anything. What would happen to me?”

This actually grabbed L’s attention. He turned around in his chair, his hands resting on his knees, and narrowed his eyes at Light. The other man was silently watching the ceiling, waiting for a reply.

“Are you confessing something?” L asked carefully.

Light’s knee jerk reaction was not really unexpected. “God, no, Ryuzaki, I was just _—_ How many times do I have to tell you I am not Kira?” he hissed angrily, rolling over to face away from L. “Not that I can remember,” Light added in a whisper, but still loud enough for L to hear. “Forget it,” he said eventually.

L started gnawing on his thumbnail, staring pensively at the back of Light’s head. It was always interesting to see how this new Light could be so short-tempered sometimes. Granted, it only happened when L provoked him, but still. The Light he had known two months ago would never have let his emotions show so easily - or if he had, they would have been carefully manufactured. Did his suspect really believe L had bought his guilty act back when he had come to surrender himself?

Now, though… If L was correct - and he was 93.6% sure he was - and Light had somehow lost all memory of being Kira, then he would simply be your average 18 year old boy. Well, not average - not by far, he was too smart, too perfect to ever be considered average. And for someone as brilliant as Light, the idea that someone - or something - might have tampered with his brain must be rightly terrifying.

Not to mention the idea of maybe having murdered _a lot_ of people.

L sighed deeply, and pulled his hand away from his mouth. “Light-kun,” he said cautiously. Light didn’t move, but a small change in his breathing let L know that he was still awake, and listening. “It’s complicated. If I can prove that you had Kira’s power, it would also have to be ascertained whether or not you accepted it willingly in the first place. There’s also the issue of whether or not you could get the power back.”

Light shifted in the bed. “I suppose you wouldn’t believe me if I told you that I wouldn’t want this power. That if someone gave it to me right now, I’d refuse it.”

“If that is true, if you were being manipulated by someone or something… You might be yet another victim,” L said quietly.

“But that isn’t what you believe.”

_Yes and no,_ L thought. _I believe that you planned all this when you were Kira. Making me believe in your innocence by using your innocent self. But I also believe that when you get your power back, you will accept it without a second thought._

He wasn’t going to tell Light this. At least, not yet. He still wasn’t entirely certain whether this was all a very elaborate act or not, after all.

“What I believe doesn’t matter,” L said instead. “We still don’t know exactly what this power entails. Until we do, we can’t really prove anything, so you shouldn’t lose sleep over this right now.”

“Easier said than done,” Light sighed.

L pondered for a moment, then swiftly jumped off his chair and slid beneath the covers next to Light. The student immediately rolled over and stared at L with wide eyes.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“It might come as a surprise, but I’m not too good with people,” L sighed, ignoring the way Light snorted at this. “Anyway, I’ve heard that when one is distressed, another human presence can be comforting.”

Light studied him for a moment, then huffed briefly and rolled away from L again. “Do whatever you want,” he muttered. “At least if you’re sleeping then you’re not busy trying to prove I’m guilty. Just - close your laptop if you’re really going to sleep, the light is annoying.”

L was tempted to say that he was only staying until Light fell asleep - and that the light hadn’t seemed to annoy him all the other nights - but he figured arguing would be counter-productive at this point. He got up briefly to lower the screen, rolling his eyes at the other man’s not so silent mumbling about a “human presence” - did Light really think he was the first person to imply he wasn’t human?

Slipping back into bed, L listened as Light’s breathing slowly settled down, and eventually the detective was positive his suspect was now asleep. Well, he should probably get back to work now - he had never intended on using the bed to begin with; catching a few hours of sleep now and then on his chair had always been enough for him.

But the bed’s warmth was inviting, and L found he didn’t really want to move. He thought idly about the last time he had slept - it had been three days ago - and decided he could allow himself to nap here instead of getting up to essentially do the same thing in his chair. Rolling onto his side and curling up, L closed his eyes and was asleep in a matter of minutes.

* * *

It was only two days later when it happened again. L was still rather unmotivated, idly mulling over his various theories about his suspect’s apparent memory loss. While he usually thought sleeping was a waste of time, L also wasn’t feeling much like working right then, so… he figured he might as well be comfortable. After all, waking up in a warm bed last time had been quite nice - especially with the absence of the usual stiff neck he got whenever he napped in his chair.

Light appeared unmoved by the announcement that L would be sharing the bed with him from time to time. He simply rolled his eyes, told him once again to do whatever he wanted and muttered something about crazy insomniac detectives that L chose to ignore; just as he ignored how Light made it a point to lie as far from him as possible. He wasn’t here to bond with his suspect anyway - it was only about sleep.

After that time, it became sort of a routine. Whenever L felt tired, he’d slip into bed, and Light would roll over to the far side. They never talked about it - and besides, what would they have had to talk about anyway?

Time passed by so slowly for the first two months that L could not pinpoint the exact moment when things had really started to change. Even his genius brain had never seen it coming - or, more probably, had refused to entertain the thought.

He was always the first one awake. Comfortable or not, sleep still didn’t come easy to him, and he never slept for long stretches of time. The first few nights they shared the bed, L would wake up to Light’s back facing him, the other man’s body still as far away on his side of the bed as possible. Gradually, though, L noticed Light’s body inching closer, until he sometimes woke up with their arms or shoulders touching.

The first time L woke up with his face pressed against Light’s bicep and caught himself thinking it felt quite nice, he almost startled away in sudden panic. He managed to shift back quietly, without waking the other man, and took a deep breath to help him try and look at the situation rationally.

It was only natural, nothing to fret about. They had simply become used to sharing the bed, so they were also unconsciously more comfortable with each other’s presence. That was all. Besides, during the day, their relationship had not changed one bit. They would still find new ways to aggravate each other; they would still occasionally fight.

Sure, maybe L kind of enjoyed seeing Light lose his perfect composure - that was when the “real” Light appeared, whom L found much more interesting than the fake facade he persisted in putting on. And, alright, maybe he sort of liked having someone to talk to who could be considered an equal for once. It was stimulating, and an unexpectedly nice change from his solitary life. But, first of all, he would never admit any of this, and secondly, this didn’t mean anything. They had simply grown accustomed to being with each other all the time, which was a good thing considering their situation, but it didn’t mean that they liked it. L certainly didn’t.

He _didn’t._

L’s stray thought regarding the pleasantness of the moment had most definitely been some nonsense brought on by the sleep fogging his brain. He quickly dismissed it and quietly slipped out of bed to reach his laptop - now that his motivation was back a little, better make the most of the few hours left before Light woke up and look into this Yotsuba lead.

* * *

“Light-kun, is something the matter?” L asked after failing to fall asleep for the fifth time because of Light’s restless shifting. Not that he _needed_ to sleep, but after the night they had had thanks to Matsuda’s stunt, he really wanted to check out for a few hours. Besides, they knew who they were after now; they just had to wait for the surveillance to be installed. He could allow himself this.

“I’m fine,” Light muttered quietly, immediately freezing up.

L sighed and reached out to turn on the bedside lamp before sitting up. He brought his knees to his chest and looked sideways at Light, who was facing away once more. “You obviously cannot sleep. I would have thought you’d be tired after today. And probably happy to have narrowed down who the new Kira might be.”

Light remained silent for a while, then breathed out softly and rolled over. He looked briefly up at L from behind his bangs, but then closed his eyes. “It’s just… I didn’t want to tell you because I thought it would just make things more complicated. But I can’t stop thinking about it and it’s scaring me a little.” He opened his eyes again, but didn’t look up. “I have… weird memories.”

“Care to define _weird?”_ L asked, biting slightly on his thumbnail.

“Well…” Light trailed off, then sighed softly. “Memories that might feed that theory of yours.”

Now, that was unexpected. L narrowed his eyes just a little, knowing that he’d have to play this out carefully if he wanted Light to open up. He decided to just gently push his suspect to talk. “How so?”

Light sat up in bed, hugging his knees in what looked like an oddly similar position to L’s signature crouch. “I’ll tell you, but… Please, can you at least pretend to believe that I really don’t recall being Kira? As far as I know, I never was.”

“I believe that,” L replied quietly. And he did. After two months, L was about 99% sure that this couldn’t be an elaborate act, and that the Light Yagami in front of him genuinely believed he wasn’t Kira. The thought kind of made Kira seem even more evil to him. He kept wondering what would happen to this Light if - _when_ \- Kira came back.

Light breathed in deeply. “Alright. So, now that we know there’s a possibility that Kira can kill people in ways other than a heart attack, I… Well, last December, there was this busjacking…”

L stared silently as Light told his story.

He should have felt triumphant.

Light meeting Raye Penber and learning his name in that setting, while a criminal happened to die right in front of their eyes - it was such a huge piece of information. Why hadn’t Penber reported the busjacking back then? Even back when they still believed Kira only killed with heart attacks, knowing that he had given Light his name, L would never have let this go.

L didn’t believe in coincidences. He could perfectly imagine Light coming up with such a plan. This probably wouldn’t be enough to convince the task force, but L was now 100% certain he had been right all along.

So, why? Why was his stomach dropping as he watched Light falter as he spoke? He was winning, right? So, why didn’t it feel like his usual wins?

“You must realize how this sounds to me, right?” L asked cautiously.

“I do. And like I said I didn’t want to tell you, but… I’m not an idiot, and if I look at this objectively it’s either a very unfortunate coincidence or it’s more. But how can I be Kira without remembering it?”

“You are definitely not an idiot,” L said, noncommittally. “Do you recall meeting Raye Penber again? At Shinjuku station, maybe?”

“I don’t think so… Right now at least, I don’t remember seeing him ever again.” Light paused, and shifted uncomfortably. “I, um. I did meet his fiancee though,” he breathed out.

L froze. “Did she tell you her name?”

“Yes. Misora Naomi. And actually… she was the first person to hint at the possibility that Kira could control the cause of death. I don’t know why I blocked this out until now, I swear I only remembered it earlier today…” Light actually seemed smaller, more vulnerable, and that might have been intriguing given his personality… except that what he had just said had been deeply incriminating.

L took a deep breath. This was too much. He should do something. It had been a while but maybe there was still security footage from the police headquarters that could place Light with Naomi; perhaps that would be enough to arrest him, or at least confine him again while they figured out how these powers worked.

Why didn’t he want to do it, though?

L exhaled briefly, his shoulders dropping slightly. “What do you want from me, Light-kun?”

“Aren’t you gonna turn me in?” Light asked, finally looking L in the eyes.

“No. Even if it meant you killed them acting as Kira, we can’t say for sure that you weren’t manipulated. I’ve put you through a lot already, the task force wouldn’t go for it without proof that you did this willingly,” L said quickly, trying to convince himself that this was the real reason. He was just being rational. This had nothing to do with the vulnerability in Light’s eyes, or the barely audible waver in his voice.

Or the realization that he might not really like the idea of Light being Kira after all.

_Who the hell am I trying to fool here?_

“Sounds compelling enough,” Light sighed, looking away again.

“Circumstantial,” L said dismissively. “Again. What do you want from me?”

“Do you think I could maybe have been framed? That the real Kira arranged for me to meet with them to throw more suspicion on me?”

L pondered for a second. “Possible, but I’d say it’s unlikely.”

“But then how? I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes… I _know_ I’m not Kira, but somehow it feels like I can’t be sure of anything anymore. I need to understand.”

“There are a few drugs that could affect your memory, but they wouldn’t act in such a selective way… I’m afraid we’re still missing something. I really don’t want to go there, but there’s also what the second Kira was talking about in the videos.”

“What, the Shinigami thing again?” Light huffed.

“Nothing else makes sense so far,” L admitted. “There’s still so much about Kira we can’t explain. I think… If we can arrest the one in Yotsuba, maybe we can finally learn more and find out what happened to you.”

“Unless the power jumps to someone else again…”

“Then we’ll catch the next one.”

Light looked back at L with surprise. “At least your motivation is back.”

“So it would seem,” L said dismissively.

Light’s face fell again. “I’m just scared… that you might be right after all. I really, _really_ don’t want to be Kira,” he said, staring L in the eyes - and L could see he meant it.

“I know,” L replied, mustering up a small smile that he hoped was encouraging. _Neither do I. I’m not sure I want to be right anymore if it costs you your life - or your mind._

Light sighed deeply, looking partly relieved. “Anyway, I should try to sleep… I’ll try not to move so much,” he said quickly, moving to lie down on his back.

L blinked a few times. _Wait— What? Aren’t we going to talk about this more?_ But Light’s eyes were closed and he didn’t look like he was about to say anything more about all this. What did he think… That he could get this huge thing off his chest and that nothing would happen? Then again, as L considered the other man’s unmoving form, he realized he wasn’t really sure what to say or do at this point - so maybe he could use the silence to organize his thoughts. With a small sigh, he turned off the light and lay down next to Light.

“Hey, Ryuzaki,” Light said quietly after a while.

“Yes, Light-kun?”

“Thanks. For listening. And for not making it all about how I certainly am Kira and all.”

L swallowed and rolled over, facing away from Light. “You should sleep.”

Light made a noncommittal sound and silence fell over the room again. It still took him some time, but the younger man eventually fell asleep. As he noticed this, L exhaled shakily and felt himself relax slightly - if only because knowing that he was as alone as he could be made it easier for him to think. He shifted once again to stare up at the ceiling in the darkness, desperately trying to figure out what to do with all this new information.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is also "L acquires healthier sleeping habits because he tried to be nice that one time and then depression made the bed seem a lot more appealing and oops it's actually kind of nice to sleep next to someone - what is happening"
> 
> Anyway, another thing I wanted was for Light to think about those "weird" memories of his a bit longer than the 2 minutes he does in canon. (So, instead, he drops this bomb and lets L deal with it, thanks Light.)  
> Now, whether or not L will do something with this new information, and whether or not it will be helpful in any way... We shall see!


	2. There’s a fear that won’t subside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _L realized that Light was staring at him with wide eyes, clearly surprised by his outburst. But L was angry - and if he was being perfectly honest, he was mainly angry with himself. He had spent the past week mulling over what Light had told him, deliberately choosing not to do anything or tell anyone and he couldn’t find an acceptable reason for this. The fact that he had yet again woken up way too close to Light for comfort on the few nights he had slept hadn’t helped either - and he didn’t care much for that weird feeling in his stomach each time it happened, thank you. L felt like he was losing his ability to look at the case objectively and he didn’t like it one bit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who's been reading the first chapter and leaving kudos and comments. It makes me really happy that you gave this fic a chance, and I hope I won't disappoint!
> 
> Here's chapter 2! It starts a week after the end of chapter 1, on the day that L and Light had their second physical fight (well - the second that was shown in the manga/anime...) and L asked Misa to help infiltrate Yotsuba.

“I can’t believe you said that,” Light hissed at L as soon as they stepped back inside their room.

“What, that I could fall for Misa-san?” L asked, knowing perfectly that that wasn’t what Light was referring to, but he wasn’t going to pass on the opportunity to rile Light up. “I was only getting on her good side. No need to worry, Light-kun. I won’t be stealing your girlfriend,” he said with a smirk.

“She’s not— You— Whatever, you know very well that’s not what I’m talking about,” Light fumed.

 _Ah. There._ This was the reason L liked to provoke him. Light was always so composed, so put together - he never looked nearly as alive as when he got angry at L. It was as if pushing him to his limits finally allowed him to feel. L enjoyed this Light tremendously, even though aggravating him sometimes led to getting punched in the face.

L cocked his head. “Not your girlfriend? If that is the case, I’m not certain that she knows. Also, if you’re referring to the fact that I said I thought you could become Kira again, I fail to see why this is such a surprise. Especially now that I know about Penber and Misora.”

Light sighed. “I told you many times that this is and has always been one-sided. I’m not… entirely certain why we got together, but seriously, as long as you’re keeping her here I think it’s easier to go on a few dates than to deal with the aftermath of me breaking up with her.”

L winced at the thought, but part of what Light had just said had piqued his interest. “More… _weird_ memories?”

“I’m not sure I want to tell you if you’re still hung up on me becoming Kira again,” Light said, crossing his arms as he sat on the bed.

“And what would you have me think, then, Light?” L snapped, barely realizing he had dropped the honorific. “When you dropped that bombshell on me last week, you had to know that it would only confirm my suspicion towards you. But then you never mentioned it again, and did your best to avoid the subject all week when you know full well I haven’t told anyone. So, I asked it last time, and I’m asking it again: What do you want from me?”

L realized that Light was staring at him with wide eyes, clearly surprised by his outburst. But L was angry - and if he was being perfectly honest, he was mainly angry with himself. He had spent the past week mulling over what Light had told him, deliberately choosing not to do anything or tell anyone and he couldn’t find an acceptable reason for this. The fact that he had yet again woken up way too close to Light for comfort on the few nights he had slept hadn’t helped either - and he didn’t care much for that weird feeling in his stomach each time it happened, thank you. L felt like he was losing his ability to look at the case objectively and he didn’t like it one bit.

Light blinked a few times, then took a deep breath and looked down, his shoulders sagging. “I just… It was driving me crazy, okay? You probably don’t know what it feels like to start doubting every single one of your memories. And it’s not like I could have told anyone without you knowing - and I guess I… maybe it sounds stupid but I just wanted to talk about it, you know? Get it off my chest. Talk to a friend.”

“Friend?” L asked before he could think about it. Sure, L had told Light that before his confinement, but he was rather certain that Light had been Kira back then, so… He would have known that it had just been an act. Now, _this_ Light, though…

Light huffed a small laugh. “Right. I should have known it was a lie. Thanks for keeping all of this to yourself anyway, I suppose.”

“No, wait,” L said quickly, crouching next to Light. He took a deep breath and decided that there was no use denying it anymore. “I admit that I was lying when I told you you were my first friend before. In my mind, I was talking to Kira, and I only wanted to shake him up. I could never be friends with Kira. However you, right now, are not Kira. And despite the inconvenience of being chained together, and our occasional fights - which I admit to often be responsible for - I believe we tolerate each other rather well.”

“Is that some weird way of saying we’re friends now?” Light asked, looking back at L with an unimpressed expression.

L made a dismissive gesture. “You’re interesting. I don’t often find people interesting.”

Light snorted. “Well, given my situation, I guess I’ll take what I can get.”

“I also didn’t think you would want to be my friend,” L mused, gnawing half-heartedly on his thumbnail.

“Well, I still think you’re horrible,” Light said, leaning back on his hands and smirking slightly at L’s raised eyebrow. “You sit weirdly, you have terrible eating and sleeping habits - and _maybe_ more importantly you kept me locked in a cell for much longer than necessary then had my dad pretend he was going to kill me, you chained yourself to me, you constantly point out how suspicious I am and you go out of your way to irritate me.”

“Do you have a point, Light-kun?” L mumbled, rolling his eyes.

Light sighed. “But it’s _interesting._ Being around you. I’ve always felt like I was just… numbly going through life. Maybe the circumstances aren’t the best, but somehow I feel more alive than I ever did. And, I guess… I guess you’re probably one of the only people who can understand why.”

L smiled almost imperceptibly. He did get it. Light was just too smart - and his school, his life weren’t stimulating enough. L couldn’t imagine how excruciatingly _bored_ he would be without his detective work. He narrowed his eyes at Light, a weight suddenly settling in his stomach. Boredom could be dangerous for people as smart as they were. Could this be what had driven Light to become Kira? In which case, would this mean Light had done everything consciously?

“Anyway…” Light went on. “I’m sorry. When I told you, I had only just remembered all of this earlier that day and I was so exhausted I couldn’t stop myself from panicking. Still, even if we _are_ friends, and I really appreciate you not telling anyone so far… I shouldn’t keep expecting this from you. Your job is to catch Kira, after all… ”

“You know I only take cases that interest me, don’t you?” L asked quietly, moving his hands atop his knees and resting his chin on one of them.

“...And?”

“It’s true I want to catch Kira - or stop him, at the very least. I don’t like how he took it upon himself to judge others, and I don’t think someone with that kind of power should be allowed to walk free. However, what I also really want is to understand. Where does Kira’s power come from? How does it work? How can it control memories? One of the main reasons I took this case was for the challenge. Now… As far as sentencing - _justice_ \- goes, I don’t believe in sending you to your execution if you have no recollection of killing anyone, and no inclination to keep doing so.” Well. That was only a small part of the truth, but that was all L would allow himself to say out loud for now - and probably forever.

_I think I might miss you if you died._

Light’s eyes widened in confusion. “So… Basically you want to decide for yourself whether or not I’m guilty before telling the others?”

L shrugged. “Technically, no one in the task force is part of law enforcement anymore. No use crushing your father’s spirit with more speculation until we can be certain of what happened to you. But - Light-kun, you must realize that given how little we know so far, we might only learn how the power is being transferred when you get it back.”

“And you really think that _if_ that happened, then I wouldn’t be able to refuse it?”

“Tell me, can you imagine yourself accepting it willingly in the first place?”

Light looked down. “I… No. I don’t know. I can’t see myself doing that, honestly. But the whole thing is so… I mean, I can’t really imagine what it would be like to suddenly gain some supernatural power to kill people. But then, when you said you could picture me becoming Kira again, was that what you meant? That it would happen against my will?”

L ran his thumb along his lower lip, looking at Light thoughtfully. “I’ve always suspected you of being Kira… Given the way you think and what you told me, there’s no doubt to me that you _were._ Now, something happened to you - I don’t know what, but I’m almost 100% certain that you are not the same person as when I locked you up. Either something or someone manipulated you, or the power affected your mindset, but… The problem is, I don’t know what might become of you - the Light-kun in front of me now - should you get Kira’s power back. You working the case with me might very well be part of Kira's original plan. Either he might have thought you would willingly accept the power, or he knew you wouldn’t have a choice.”

The room fell silent for a moment as Light kept staring at the floor, biting his lip. He eventually looked back at L, determination showing in his eyes. “I _don’t want_ to be Kira. I swear to you. If I have anything to say about it, I’ll never accept that power. So… I’m willing to take the risk.”

 _But am I?_ L wondered, tilting his head.

“On one condition, though,” Light continued. “If I do become Kira again, if I can’t control it… Promise you will stop me.”

L hesitated. “Light-kun… Kira might already have planned something ahead for me. I will obviously try, but…”

“Promise me.” Light looked desperate, and L swallowed hard as he felt his heart rate pick up a little.

“Alright. I promise,” L said, knowing full well that it was a lie and that Light knew it too - but it seemed the younger man needed to hear it, as he visibly sagged in relief. “Now… If you ever remember something useful, maybe we could prevent anything bad from happening,” L continued carefully.

Light sighed and looked up at the ceiling for a moment. “Right. Honestly I… I don’t exactly remember specific things, but it’s more like... Some of my memories don’t make sense. For example, I can’t figure out what Misa is doing in my life but there’s this lingering… fear? I don’t know. I remember her showing up at my house one day and begging to be my girlfriend and I didn’t want to, but I felt pressured and I just can’t figure out why.”

L opened his mouth to say something, but Light went on. “I mean, even if I’m the first Kira and she’s the second, how would she have found me? Why would I be afraid?”

“There might be more at play here than we thought,” L said thoughtfully, his thumb tapping idly on his lower lip. “In any case, this just shows that we must be careful about Misa. And that you’re probably right about not wanting to anger her by breaking up with her.”

Light let himself fall back onto the bed, crossing his arms over his face. “How did this happen?” he muttered.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… I know, I know that rationally, with everything I told you... Me being the first Kira does make sense. I guess I’m starting to accept it. But, Ryuzaki…” he trailed off, raising one arm slightly to look L in the eyes. “I still really, really hope you’re wrong.”

L knew the chances that he was wrong were practically nonexistent at this point, but somehow, he didn’t feel like telling Light that. He settled for a different truth. “So do I.”

If the look in Light’s eyes was any indication, L had apparently managed to say the right thing for once. He swallowed hard, trying to stop the sudden fluttering in his chest as well as silence the ridiculous thought that happiness was a good look on Light.

Such contemplation would get them nowhere.

* * *

“Aren’t you going to sleep?” L asked idly, his eyes glued to his laptop as he went through the details of the operation one more time.

“I’m fine. Tomorrow is important, I want to help you. If we catch Higuchi and nothing else happens, all of this could finally come to an end.”

The blatantly unconvinced tone of Light’s voice made L raise his head and look at Light. He didn’t need to say anything - Light could tell he hadn’t bought what the younger man had said.

Light sighed. “Alright. I’m terrified.”

L tilted his head and gave Light a sad smile. “I understand.”

It had been less than two weeks since they had talked again and they still knew next to nothing. Light hadn’t been able to remember anything useful and they hadn’t gotten any closer to understanding how Kira’s powers worked. Misa’s reveal about Higuchi had accelerated everything, and Light had grown visibly anxious. Well, it was visible to L, at least.

Misa, now… She had been acting weird ever since she had managed to make Higuchi talk. It might be that she had gotten her power back, but L had no way of being sure. Besides, if she was the second Kira, she should have been able to kill him without knowing his name, so… As he was still alive, maybe it was something else. He had been watching her more closely than usual, but nothing had come out of it, so the only thing he could do was be as cautious as possible around her.

Light interrupted L’s train of thought, fingers tapping restlessly on the edge of the shared desk they had in their bedroom. “I mean, it might be my last night as myself. I had hoped we’d have more time to figure things out.”

“I’m sorry,” L replied softly - and he meant it, for once. “The others wouldn’t have accepted dragging this out longer now that we know Higuchi is the current Kira. But I could still be wrong,” he mused, tracing his lips with his thumb.

Light huffed a small, sad laugh. “You know you don’t believe that.”

“There’s always a small chance. And we don’t know what might come from observing Higuchi. Don’t admit defeat yet, Light-kun. It’s not like you.”

The younger man stared back at L silently for a moment, his expression somewhere between fond and disbelieving. He eventually rubbed his hands over his face and stifled a yawn. “Right. Thanks. I… I guess I’m pretty tired. It’s probably not helping.”

“All the more reason why you should get some sleep,” L said, gesturing towards the bed. “I’ll need you at full capacity tomorrow.”

“What about you?” Light asked.

“What about me?”

“Well, don’t you want to sleep too? You may think I don’t notice but I know it’s been three days, you know.”

“I’m fine,” L said dismissively. “I should get some more work done.”

“Come on Ryuzaki,” Light said, rolling his eyes. “I’ve already seen you go over the files like ten times this evening. Just get some rest. Please.”

There was something almost pleading in the way Light had asked that made L pause. He studied the younger man’s face for a moment, seeing him grow uneasy under L’s piercing stare. The detective suspected Light wasn’t exactly as worried about L getting some sleep as much as he was about himself. Ever since they had agreed to work together to try and figure out how to stop Light from becoming Kira again, L had felt Light shift closer to him at night when he thought L was asleep. Not to mention that time he had woken up with Light’s fingers tangled in his shirt.

What bothered L, however, was how much it actually _didn’t_ bother him. But everything about this was wrong. He probably shouldn’t indulge Light.

Then again, he didn’t always do what was right.

“Alright,” L said at last, jumping to the floor.

They got ready in silence and slipped under the covers, facing each other as they had been doing lately. Hesitation was written all over Light’s face, but he eventually asked, “Hey, Ryuzaki? Is it okay if I just…” He didn’t continue, but moved a little closer.

L swallowed hard, schooling his features into a blank expression. The feeling in his stomach was back again - a feeling that, after having experienced it way too many times over the past two weeks, he had reluctantly come to classify as butterflies.

Light carefully moved his hand towards L, fingers brushing the fabric of his shirt before tangling themselves in it. “You know,” Light said quietly, avoiding L’s gaze and staring at his fingers. “You were actually right, back then. Human presence _is_ comforting.”

With his eyes wide open and his heart beating out of his chest - _how does Light not hear that?_ \- L watched Light close his eyes and settle even closer to L.

_This is wrong._

It felt good, though. Just like those other times - but nicer, somehow.

_I shouldn’t allow this._

Then again, this was about comfort. Nothing else. And L was, admittedly, quite anxious himself. He had grown used to having Light by his side - working together, arguing, everything. The idea that all of it might come to an end wasn’t sitting well with him.

So, maybe he could indulge Light - and himself - just this once. Besides, if Light didn’t turn out to be the first Kira, the handcuffs would disappear and they would each go their own way, so this would never happen again. And if Light turned out to be… Well. Better not dwell on that right now.

Sighing softly, L lifted the arm that wasn’t trapped under his pillow and rested his hand over Light’s. The younger man made a soft, contented noise in his sleep that briefly kicked the butterflies in L’s stomach into overdrive, until he got a hold of himself and managed to eventually fall asleep as well.

* * *

The next evening, as they took their seats in the helicopter, L briefly squeezed Light’s shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile - albeit a slightly shaky one. Light just nodded, fear and determination mingling in his eyes.

Moments later, Light touched the Death Note and screamed.

Inside his mind, Kira began laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I mean, I did say I was intrigued by what might have happened to Yotsuba!Light after Kira came back...  
> But! I also said that I'm here to give these characters a happy ending, so... Stay tuned :)


	3. Is this the way it ends now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And Light, his first maybe-friend, maybe-more - who cares? Well. Light was gone. Maybe he was as good as dead, Kira having taken over, erasing the person he had been chained to for the past few months. Or maybe Light was still in there somewhere, cursed to live through his worst nightmare. And somehow, L felt that he was at least partly to blame._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are! Now that Light touched the Death Note again, is everything completely hopeless?  
> This chapter (and the next) were actually the original idea around which I built the rest of the story. Things start off at the infamous rain scene from the anime, and this chapter will also have a short moment from Light's pov. I hope you guys will like the update! 
> 
> Also yes, the title is from the DN musical, even though I only listened to 2 of the songs in English tbh. (It's not my fault I have a slight obsession with Koike Teppei as L, ok) (If you haven't watched the musical, I can only recommend it!)
> 
> Thanks so much for all the support :) Every kudo and comment always make my day!

L supposed he was strangely calm, all things considered. One would think they’d probably panic at the thought of their imminent death. And yet, as L stared into the grey sky, drenched to the bone, the ever-present sound of bells almost drowned by the noise of the splattering rain, he wasn’t scared.

Sad, maybe.

Because L knew. He had known the moment he had realized Light had grabbed the Death Note in the helicopter. The way he had spoken afterwards… It was more than obvious. Whoever had been talking then wasn’t _his_ Light.

 _His Light._ L almost snorted at the thought. Oh, well, he was going to die after all, he could allow himself to be whimsical. It was actually nice to have survived so long after the first Kira’s return - _rebirth?_ \- L had almost expected not to last the night. That would probably have raised suspicion, but thanks to that obviously fake 13-days rule and his acting skills, Light would likely have found his way out of it.

Light - well, _Kira_ \- had to know, too. After everything they had talked about, he had to realize that L knew. The way he had seemed like he couldn’t wait to get away from L; the things he had said about continuing to date Misa - all of that had only seemed natural to the others but to L it was such a blatant lie that it felt like Light was mocking him. And then those eyes - cold, calculating, _smug._ L hated those eyes.

_“Promise you will stop me.”_

L kept thinking back to that night and his promise. And technically, he _was_ going to try; but deep down, L was sure Kira had also anticipated that he’d want to test the rules. The sense of foreboding hadn’t left him today, and yet, L wasn’t afraid. He only hoped that the test could be carried out in spite of his probable death; that way Kira would be stopped. That way, he would have at least kept his promise to Light.

He felt… guilty. If he was being honest, he had always expected Kira’s powers to go back to Light. He had known, deep down, that he shouldn’t have let him come chase Higuchi that night - hell, he shouldn’t even have let him investigate at all. But he had allowed himself to be distracted from what was right. Distracted by his desire to understand everything, including how the power was transferred from people to people. Distracted by his desire to prove Light had always been the first Kira. Distracted by his desire to keep Light close. Distracted by his desire to save him.

L had let himself become fully compromised, and he was well aware of it. He had actually been for a while; he just hadn’t been able admit it to himself. If he was perfectly honest, he hadn’t even put up that much of a fight when it came to whatever he was feeling. And, frankly, he didn’t have the energy to care anymore. In the end, he had lost on every account. He still didn’t understand all of it - mainly, he didn’t know how Light was going to kill him, he just _knew_ that he would, and soon.

And Light, his first maybe-friend, maybe-more - _who cares?_ Well. Light was gone. Maybe he was as good as dead, Kira having taken over, erasing the person he had been chained to for the past few months. Or maybe Light was still in there somewhere, cursed to live through his worst nightmare. And somehow, L felt that he was at least partly to blame.

_I’m sorry._

L sighed, closing his eyes for a second. It was almost time. When he opened them, Light was standing near the roof’s access door, staring at him with those cold, emotionless eyes.

_I’m sorry I couldn’t save you._

* * *

Light used to think he knew about confinement. He had, after all, spent 50 days locked up in a windowless cell, arms and feet bound, only able to speak to L - which, at that time, had pretty much felt like talking to wall. He had been bored out of his mind; he had been terrified that this was going to become his life - or that he was eventually going to face a death sentence. Even being chained to Ryuzaki for months had felt like freedom after that.

Light would have given anything to be back in his cell right now.

He had known - the moment his fingers had touched that wretched notebook, he had realized how stupid he had been to grab it. But it had all gone so fast; everyone who had touched it had appeared to see _something,_ and he had wanted to see it as well. He was only human.

_No._

He wasn’t human. He was Kira. He was a monster. And he knew it now, he knew _everything._

As soon as he had felt the searing pain inside his head, Light had tried to let go of the notebook but it had been impossible. He had only been able to scream, as memory after memory had flashed before his eyes like a horribly vivid nightmare. And then - Kira’s laugh. It had started quiet, but had slowly become deafening, pushing Light back into the confines of his mind, taking over everything.

Now, Light couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. But he could hear and see everything. And he knew, he knew every one of Kira’s thoughts; he knew how he planned to kill L and take over the investigation. But no matter how hard he tried, how much he focused, he still hadn’t been able to take back control. He was trapped. Locked up deep inside his mind.

Why wasn’t L restraining him or something? He _had_ to know; even his Kira self thought so - and found it way too amusing to Light’s liking. It made him feel sick - not that his feelings affected his body anymore - the way his Kira self relished the idea of killing L after the two of them had gotten closer. Not only had he won the game against the greatest detective in the world, but he also had gotten the man to drop his guard. And Light hated himself so much right now, for everything - but most of all for causing L to give up.

Because why else would L be at his feet right now? Light still vainly held on to the hope that it was part of a plan, but if he was honest with himself he had never seen the older man look so unmotivated. There was a definite sadness in the way he held himself, slouching even more than usual, eyes downcast as he slowly dried Light’s feet. Light couldn’t bear seeing him like this; he wanted to shake him, punch him, scream at him to arrest him, that he had always been right and _had_ to stop him.

Though technically, there was still the issue with Rem and Misa. Light was terrified of seeing L die in front of him. He _knew_ Rem would do it soon - they would want to test the rules at some point, it was only a matter of days, maybe hours, or even less time. And then... the remnants of his soul might very well crack open and fade away when it happened. Because, yes, Light _did_ feel something for L - and he knew very well _what_ it was, too. It shouldn’t have happened, really; the detective had treated him horribly... And yet, Light had grown to enjoy his presence - find it comforting, even.

The truth was, L had been the first person to make Light feel alive. And he knew it had been true for his Kira self as well. It was tragic, in a way, how they had come to meet. If Light had known L before finding the Death Note, he might never have needed it to fill the void in his life. He might never have become Kira. But if he hadn’t been Kira, he might never have met L.

“It’ll be lonely, won’t it? You and I will be parting ways soon.”

The look in L’s eyes - it was just too much. They couldn’t be saying goodbye, not yet, not with Light unable to actually say anything. He had to try; he had to reach out somehow, make L do something, _anything_ that would prevent his death. Once more, Light focused with all the strength of will he had left, and even when he felt searing pain shoot through his brain, he didn’t stop.

* * *

L watched in confusion as Light’s face suddenly contorted in pain. One of the younger man’s hands grabbed his wrist and when L looked up, he gasped at the unexpected intensity he could see in Light’s eyes.

_Light._

“Stop me,” the other man spat out quickly between gritted teeth.

“Light? Are you-” L asked, his free hand reaching out to clutch at Light’s shoulder.

“Rem. Talk to Rem. She protects Misa. Be careful.”

 _So that was how he would do it._ L didn’t dwell on the discovery, though; he could see Light was struggling more with every second. “I will. I will talk to her. Now, stay with me Light, fight it, please.”

“Can’t. Hurts. Stop me. Stop Kira.”

“You can do it, Light, stay with me,” L said more frantically.

“Please. Sorry,” Light whispered eventually, his eyes closing in pain.

As he saw the strain in Light’s features disappear, L knew he had to react quickly before Kira came back. Well - one did not become the world's three greatest detectives without knowing exactly where to hit to render someone unconscious without causing serious damage. He caught Light’s body in his arms before he could stumble down the stairs, and managed to reach into his pocket with one hand to grab his phone.

“Watari, send everyone home for a few days - tell them Light and I are not feeling well, or make up something else, I don’t care. I’m also going to need a holding cell ready. And a talk with the Shinigami.”

* * *

L settled in his chair in front of the monitors and sighed. Light was still unconscious, although likely not for much longer. He was lying on his side on the cot, hands and feet cuffed just like during his confinement. Sensing a presence behind him, L quickly sent Watari the last details of the arrangements he wanted to make before he turned to face Rem.

“Before you do anything,” L said, seeing Rem glance at the monitors, “Misa is at her house, and she is unharmed.”

Rem didn’t reply, but the way she stared at L sent shivers up and down his spine. He took a slow, deep breath to settle himself. While nothing in his life could have prepared him for negotiating with a Shinigami, he certainly wasn’t about to let it show that he was uncomfortable. Though he supposed he understood now why Light had felt scared of breaking up with Misa.

“Alright, let us cut to the chase,” L said commandingly. “I know Light Yagami is Kira, and seeing as he told me you’re protecting Misa Amane, I think it’s safe to say that she is the second one. However, as I would like to avoid being killed, I had hoped we could reach an agreement. But for that, I’m going to need you to answer some questions for me.”

“I could simply kill you, human. And Light Yagami with you. That way no one would hurt Misa anymore,” Rem replied, pointing between L and the screens.

“I thought you might say that. The moment one of us dies, I have arranged for all the evidence regarding Misa Amane to be sent to police services all over the world as well as secret services. I doubt even you can protect her when everyone comes for her, faces hidden,” L said, watching Rem carefully, but the Shinigami’s face didn’t betray any emotion.

Rem stayed silent for a moment. “I do not believe Light Yagami told you this.”

“Of course. You probably only know him as Kira - and, obviously, Kira would never have told me how he planned to kill me. But am I right in assuming that Light lost all memory of being Kira for a few months?”

The Shinigami nodded slowly, gesturing for L to keep talking.

“Right. Well, after having observed him and worked alongside him for the past few months, I now consider this Light to be the real Light Yagami. And while he seemed to have regained his memories and his Kira personality, the process appears not to have completely erased Light’s consciousness. He managed to speak to me for a few seconds, long enough to warn me.”

Rem seemed to hesitate. “I did not know that was possible. Not that I care. Though I will say that I would rather not have to kill you.”

“Really?” L asked, surprised. “I didn’t think my life mattered to you at all.”

“It doesn’t. But Light Yagami didn’t only want to get rid of you, he also wanted to get rid of me.”

L frowned in confusion. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“Shinigamis cannot kill to protect another human. It’s against the rules, and Light Yagami knows it very well. He would have used that to get rid of both of us, and then done whatever he wanted.”

Well, that was an interesting piece of information, and it made L’s threat of selling Misa out to the world in the event of his death even more effective. L supposed however that the Shinigami might not be very inclined to help save Light considering the situation… Then again, L wasn’t particularly interested in saving Misa either. In all fairness, he shouldn’t try to save either of Misa or Light - they had both killed plenty of people, after all.

But L was way past the point of pretending this was still about justice.

“Alright then. As Kira seems to be our common enemy, and we both aspire to stay alive, let us talk. You want Misa to remain safe and free - I want the real Light to come back. He lost his memories once, would it be possible to make him forget again?”

“Why are you interested in saving him? No one forced him to become Kira. With or without his memories, he’s still the same horrible person,” Rem said, gesturing vaguely towards Light’s form on the monitor.

L frowned. He had suspected this might have been the case. Still, he believed the Light he had been attached to to be different from Kira, so it was possible that the change from Light to Kira had been gradual. “Power corrupts. No human should be granted this kind of power over life and death. I can assure you they’re not the same person. As for why I want to save him…” L trailed off, gnawing on a thumbnail. “You want to save Misa. I want to save Light. We don’t need to understand each other, but we can help each other.”

The look Rem gave him felt like it could burn holes into his skull. “Fine. Light Yagami has to forfeit his ownership of the Death Note, and all his memories will be erased. But he needs to be the one asking.”

Glancing at the monitor behind his shoulder, L couldn’t help but wince. Getting Kira to renounce his powers might prove a complicated - if not impossible - task, but maybe Light could manage to take control again? “I suppose we’ll have to try, then,” he said pensively, looking back at Rem. “Now, I imagine Misa also has her memories back? Could she be persuaded to give them up?”

“If Light Yagami asks her to, she will,” Rem spat out.

Ah, yes, that. L refrained from rolling his eyes in annoyance. “I’m sure that won’t be an issue if we can make Kira disappear. I believe Misa mainly used the Death Note to find Kira, am I right?”

“Yes. That was all she wanted to accomplish.”

“Alright. Then I believe she might not have undergone such a drastic change in personality as Light did. She could be allowed to resume her normal life, albeit under surveillance. However, she won’t be allowed to stay in touch with Light.”

“She said she wouldn’t be happy without him,” Rem interjected.

L sighed, slightly exasperated. “You hate Light, do you really believe he’s good for her? As Kira, he only wanted to use her. As himself, he was nice enough to indulge her but he had no idea what she was doing in his life. Besides, I can’t let Light go free, not unless we can guarantee that he can never become Kira again.”

“You could always destroy the Death Note,” Rem said. “It would erase everyone else’s memories as well, but he wouldn’t risk getting them back.”

The rules written in the notebook came to L’s mind. _Of course,_ that one would be fake as well. Still, while convenient given Light’s current situation, the idea of tampering with his own memories didn’t sit well with him. Also, if another case like this one ever happened, they had to be able to know what they were dealing with. He would still have the Kira case records to help, but that wouldn’t be the same.

Besides, L couldn’t deny that he would feel much more comfortable about all this if Light managed to talk to him again and give up his memories willingly.

“I’d rather avoid doing that,” L said. “But believe me. Misa will go through a bit of a heartbreak, sure, but she’ll recover. Then she can have whatever life she wants. Does this sound agreeable to you?”

The Shinigami remained silent for a moment, then eventually pointed at L. “On one condition. I want Misa to be able to see me.”

“No way. We cannot allow her to keep her memories, you know that.”

“She won’t need to. Once she has forfeited her Death Note, I could simply touch her with a little piece of it. She won’t remember anything but she’ll be able to see me. Even though I won’t be able to remain in your world for long periods of time, I still want to interact with her and not just watch her from our realm.”

“And how exactly are we supposed to justify that to her?” L asked, feeling himself become quite exasperated.

“That is not my problem. You figure it out. I could kill you out of spite, you know? Then it wouldn’t destroy me, and I would still have plenty of time to kill everyone in this building and go warn Misa so she can run away.”

L pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “Fine. We’ll figure something out. Anyway, first we need to get Light back so he can talk to her.”

Rem was already turning around and flying away. “He is your problem. I’ll just be around to take the Death Note back if he does give up his ownership.”

As soon as the Shinigami had disappeared, Watari entered the room. “I’m beginning to understand why Kira wanted to get rid of her,” L told him between gritted teeth.

“All the arrangements have been made,” Watari simply replied.

“Thanks, Watari,” L said, his irritation fading a little. His eyes fell on the monitors, where he could see Light beginning to stir on his cot. “Do you think what I’m doing is wrong?” L sighed.

“It’s a complicated case,” Watari replied gently, setting down a cup of coffee in front of L. “From what I’ve seen these past few months, the young Yagami does seem very different from Kira. I understand you wanting to try and save him.”

“Still,” L said, absently adding sugar cubes into his cup. “This isn’t like me.”

“May I speak bluntly?”

“Sure,” L replied, not tearing his gaze away from the monitors.

“I’ve known you since you were four years old. I’ve seen you set yourself apart from the world, never interacting with anyone face to face. I’m not even sure the other children at the House remember what you look like. But this case changed all of that, and more. The way you were acting around Light Yagami - you were enjoying yourself. I’m pretty sure I’ve even seen you smile without it being faked.”

“Do you have a point?” L asked, unsure whether or not he was going to be lectured for his lack of judgement regarding Light Yagami. He turned around, and was slightly taken aback by the warmth in Watari’s smile.

“I do,” the older man said softly. “Allow yourself to be happy, L.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first goal was to have L escape death... Seems like it worked!  
> Now for the second goal, saving Yotsuba!Light, we'll see about that next week ;) But as you guys saw, he's still in there somewhere. Him keeping some kind of consciousness despite the return of Kira is something I've thought about a lot, and I hope you guys like that idea too.
> 
> As for who the "real" Light is, well, I don't believe there's any right answer tbh? If things were "real", Light would never have gotten the supernatural power to kill people... and it's not exactly a power that anyone can use without consequences (even Light lost weight and all at the start). To me, I guess Yotsuba!Light is closer to who Light could have been if the DN had never existed and he had had a more stimulating life. And, well, since L has a crush on him (even though he still doesn't really admit it), of course he'd think of him as the "real" Light. But there will be more talk about this in future chapters ;)


	4. Find me somewhere in the shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“I want to talk to Light-kun.”_   
>  _Light felt a sliver of hope - immediately smothered by the incredible amount of guilt he felt. No. He couldn’t let himself hope. He didn’t deserve to hope. He didn’t deserve anything. Kira was behind bars, and that was all that mattered._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here we are: L is going to confront Kira! The first part is once again from Light's pov, and then we'll be back with L for the rest of the story. I hope you guys will like this chapter - it might have been the hardest for me to write, I had to start it over a few times until I could be satisfied with it. 
> 
> In any case, I'm really happy you guys were on board with what happened in the last chapter! Thanks so much for all the support, kudos and comments, they all mean a lot to me! :)

“Good afternoon, Kira.”

Light could see L standing outside of his cell with his hands in his pockets and his back almost straight. L’s gaze was hard and piercing, and Light could feel Kira’s anger roaring inside him in response to it.

“Not going to deny it anymore, I see.” As Light remained silent, L sighed. “And here I was hoping we could have an entertaining conversation. You’ve been my most challenging opponent, after all. So close to beating me. I wonder what plan you can still come up with to get out of here, though? Amane-san can’t possibly know my name, otherwise I’d be dead already, and the Shinigami can’t help you anymore. I’m afraid you’ve lost, Kira. And, interestingly, you did that to yourself.”

_This is all your fault,_ Light heard in his mind. _I have a mission to save the world, and you were stupid enough to let feelings get in the way. Ridiculous._

Light ignored the voice spitting these words at him; it wasn’t the first time. His Kira-self had also tried many times to convince him to give up and embrace his “cause”, but all Light could see was some horribly twisted logic. It was so hard to accept that _he_ had become _that -_ and yet, he had. The ability to kill people without batting an eyelid must have always been inside of him, somehow. If he wasn’t careful, he might give in yet again.

But he wouldn’t. Not this time. It didn’t matter what punishment L would choose for him, Light would accept it. Even if it meant spending years in prison, trapped inside his own mind, at least part of him would be sorry for Kira’s crimes. Simply knowing that he had been caught, that he couldn’t hurt anyone anymore, filled Light with a strange sense of peace.

“Yes. I’m Kira. So what now, L? Did you bring me here to kill me?” Light heard his voice say.

“Unlike some people, I don’t believe I’m qualified to pass that kind of judgement on others. I’m merely arresting you for now. The rest, I suppose, depends on you.”

“Still thinking I’m being manipulated, huh? Well I’m not. I never was. I used the Death Note out of my own free will, and I would do it again. Someone has to save this world.”

L huffed condescendingly. “Right, of course, you did this for the people, for _justice._ Don’t make me laugh, Kira. The only thing you wanted was for everyone to fear and worship you.”

Light could feel the anger from his Kira-self rise even more. “I _never_ used the Death Note for personal gain! Can’t you see, L? You of all people should know how flawed the justice system is! Criminals being released on a technicality, others falling back into crime immediately after leaving prison. The world isn't safe for good, hard-working people, and I was trying to change that. I was succeeding, even.”

“And I suppose the FBI agents you killed were also a threat to the good, hard-working people you wanted _so much_ to protect?”

“By trying to stop me, they were. Just like you. If I want to create a perfect world, I have to be prepared to remove any obstacles.”

L rolled his eyes. “Your god complex is really boring.”

“Why are you really here, L?” Kira spat out.

“I want to talk to Light-kun.”

Light felt a sliver of hope - immediately smothered by the incredible amount of guilt he felt. No. He couldn’t let himself hope. He didn’t _deserve_ to hope. He didn’t deserve anything. Kira was behind bars, and that was all that mattered.

“You already are,” Kira said, smirking.

“You know very well what I mean.”

“But I do. And I’m telling you, I _am_ Light Yagami, always have been. You seem to have let yourself get distracted by who I was without my memories, but that person is simply me - at least who I was before finding the Death Note. And as he’s me, he’ll soon realize that I’ve been acting for the greater good.”

“Allow me to doubt that,” L said flatly.

“You’ve really let him get to you, huh?” Kira asked proudly. “I knew my innocent self would manage to gain your trust somehow. Oh how I’ve enjoyed coming back and seeing how you had begun dropping your guard for him. The image of you kneeling at my feet in defeat earlier almost makes up for that idiot’s intervention. I really had won, L.”

L sighed deeply. “Alright, this is tiresome. Light-kun, can you hear me? I need to talk to you,” he said, his eyes suddenly less cold.

Light tried to ignore how much he wanted to try and reach out again - he could guess that L would ask him to give up the Death Note, but he didn’t want to forget. He needed to remember how much of a monster he had become; he needed to be able to regret.

“He won’t give up his memories,” Kira replied with a devious grin. “See, I told you we were the same person: we share the same sense of justice. And unfortunately, your _dear_ Light-kun believes he’s a criminal… I believe you know what that implies.”

“Light-kun, listen to me,” L said calmly. “I won’t let you forget. I don’t believe in pretending this never happened, but I do believe in redemption. I have ideas, we can work this out together. However, if you want a second chance, Kira needs to disappear.”

_Redemption,_ Light heard Kira think sarcastically. _And what about him? When he lets the world go back to its rotten state… will he atone for all the people who will get hurt because he stopped me?_

_Shut up!_ Light screamed in his mind. _Can’t you hear how crazy you sound? You can’t justify murdering so many people that easily. It’s not right!_

_Those people don’t deserve to live! You know that, you’ve always thought so. The world is a better place without them. Don’t try to pretend you don’t agree._

_Never mind what I think, it doesn’t give me the right to pass judgement on others. I am no god - and you certainly aren’t either._

_Shut up - shut up! You understand nothing - and now everything is lost, because of you._

“Light-kun?” L asked tentatively.

“He’s not talking to you,” Kira muttered through gritted teeth. “He ruined everything. If he wants to be punished, well, serves him right.”

“Light-kun, you realize that Kira has lost either way? There’s no way out of this cell, and everything here is being recorded, so convincing the task force of his guilt won’t be an issue. Kira _will_ be convicted, and you know very well what that means. Do you really want that for yourself? And if not for yourself, think of your family, then.”

_That’s low, L. But you know I could never face them knowing I’m Kira anyway,_ Light thought.

“They wouldn’t have to know. We’ll figure something out. This would be a second chance for everyone. Please, Light,” L said firmly, yet there was a gentleness to his voice. “You don’t have to die to destroy Kira. You can destroy him yourself.”

_Can I, though?_ While Light thought he might be able to take control again - he had done it once; he knew it was possible now - he still knew that he had become Kira willingly. Had this thirst for power, this desire to control everything and everyone always been deeply ingrained inside himself? Even if he gave up the Death Note, could he be sure he would never succumb to his dark side again?

“Shut up!” Kira screamed, standing up suddenly. “You think you can win like this? Think you can save him? Well you can’t - we share the same soul, the same ideals. You’ll have to kill us both to destroy Kira - and then have fun when everyone hates you for killing the one person who tried to make the world a better place.”

L tilted his head and looked at Light with a look that said _“you think I care?”_ He was smirking at his suspect as he replied. “Don’t worry, Kira. The world won’t miss you. Not when we broadcast that Higuchi was the real Kira and used his power for his own profit - killing criminals only to distract the police and manipulate the public.”

The anger Light could feel around him was like boiling water. “You wouldn’t— How dare you— Destroying my legacy, all the work I’ve done, I won’t let you—” Kira was losing his focus, Light could feel as much. If he actually wanted to overpower him, now would probably be easier. He could see Rem hovering in the darkness behind L, waiting. He could give up the Death Note here and now; he could silence Kira’s voice; he could start over...

_No. I shouldn’t. I don’t deserve a second chance._

_But…_

“Please, Kira. I should very much like to see how you can stop me now,” L said sarcastically, the smirk then fading as his face took on a more gentle expression again. “Light. Listen to me - everything that comes afterwards, I can help you with. But only you can destroy Kira. You can end all this here. Maybe your past self chose to be Kira, but _you,_ right now, can choose not to be him anymore.”

“Shut up!” Kira yelled again, the shackles forcing him to take pitifully small steps as he walked towards the detective. “The person you’re talking to - he shouldn’t have existed in the first place. It’s you— You forced me to forget. But I’m the only Light Yagami. Only me— Only Kira—”

Light had never been confronted by such profound hatred before - he was slightly taken aback by the strength of all the negative emotions circling around him. He could barely recognize his own voice as he heard himself yell at L. And, trapped in the middle of it all, he still managed to feel a hint of sadness for his other self - for the monster he had become.

How could he have let himself fall so low? Would he ever have lost his mind like this if he had never found the Death Note? Was this what power did to people?

And this was no ordinary power. This was supernatural. No human should ever have been allowed to have it.

_It is you, Kira, who shouldn’t have existed._

_Ha! You think Kira exists because of a stupid notebook? You’ve always thought some people were disposable. Don’t act all innocent, the Death Note didn’t make you Kira, Kira was in you all along. You’re just an anomaly._

_No. I am who I could have been. Who I should be._

_Shut up! Don’t fool yourself. You cannot escape who you truly are._

_But I can escape you. You are not me. You stole so many people’s lives - but you also stole mine._

_Shut up!!_

_I’m taking my life back from you. Then I’ll face the consequences as myself._

_Don’t— Stop this— You idiot!_

_Goodbye, Kira._

* * *

L watched expectantly as Light - _Kira_ \- stopped in front of the cell bars, the pained expression on his face echoing the one he had had earlier on the steps. Panting, eyes squeezed shut, Light rested his forehead on the bars.

“Rem,” Light said through gritted teeth, his voice broken. “I forfeit the Death Note.”

As Light spoke, L felt as if a giant weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He glanced at Rem behind him and gestured for her to remain there, hoping the Shinigami would be agreeable for once. He needed to deal with her quickly so he could tend to Light.

L had expected Light to go back to believing he was not Kira, thus proclaiming his innocence again and probably getting angry at L for having locked him up once more. But instead, Light crumpled to the ground and curled up on himself, hiding his face against his knees.

“Did he lose his memories?” L asked Rem quietly.

“He should have,” Rem replied flatly. “He doesn’t own a Death Note anymore, that I can tell you. And I should be taking it back.”

“Not yet. I want to have both notebooks secured before deciding what to do with them.”

“Fine,” Rem grumbled. “I’ll go wait with Misa until you call her here. Don’t worry, I won’t say anything. I don’t care what you humans are up to as long as she is safe.” And with that, Rem disappeared through the wall.

L sighed and looked at Light again - the other man wasn’t moving from his position on the floor and all L could hear was Light’s breath hitching. He took a deep breath and reached inside his pocket for the key, then opened the door and went to crouch in front of Light.

“Light-kun?” L asked carefully.

Nothing. Light didn’t even react, but L could swear he was trembling. Gently, he extended one hand and placed it on Light’s shoulder. This time, Light visibly startled, shifting away from L’s hand - but L kept it firmly in place.

“Light-kun, please,” L said softly.

Light raised his head ever so slightly, but kept his eyes down. “You shouldn’t be here,” he whispered.

“Why not?”

“I’m Kira.”

“Wait— But, you gave up the notebook. You shouldn’t remember,” L said quickly, leaning away a little but not moving his hand.

Light took a slow breath. “I don’t. And I do. It’s weird - it’s like I’ve been watching a movie or something? Those don’t feel like my memories, but I know they are. I know I’m Kira, Ryuzaki,” Light said a bit more clearly, finally looking up at L.

L was struck by the defeated look in Light’s eyes. They were red-rimmed, exhausted and desperately sad. “Maybe this happened because your personality didn’t reconcile with Kira’s when he came back… So, in a way, you’d remember _remembering,_ I suppose,” he said thoughtfully. “Light-kun, this is just more proof to me that you are not Kira anymore.”

“But I could be. I chose to be. I found the Death Note, and decided to become some god. What if this thirst for power was just always inside of me?”

Pensively, L brought his free hand to his mouth and traced his lips. “Tell me, did you decide to become a god the moment you picked up the notebook?”

Light frowned slightly. “No… I didn’t believe it was real at first. But I was curious and… bored. So I tested it. He was… He had taken kids hostage, I thought no one would miss him. But then when he died, I thought it had to be a coincidence - so I tested it again to be sure, on some guy who was harassing a girl in the street. Then I knew it was real. And I thought I could use this power to… _clean_ the world, or something,” Light said with growing disgust.

L hummed softly. _Boredom is dangerous._ But also… “So, you killed two people without really meaning to, am I right?”

“Well, I mean… I wasn’t sure it would work. But I thought it wouldn’t matter too much if it did.”

“But you didn’t specifically want to kill them. Accidentally causing someone else’s death isn’t inconsequential. Evidently, you kept this to yourself, and with the way your mind works, I’m not entirely surprised you tried to rationalize it in such a way.”

Light looked appalled. “You mean… Killing more people was my way to justify having killed in the first place?”

“I’m not a psychiatrist,” L shrugged. “But I’ve seen people lose their minds after causing accidental deaths, even if it was self-defense and they surely _wished_ on some level that their assailant would die. But actually killing, like I said,  isn’t inconsequential. And the Death Note… Writing names, it’s so simple, so clean. I suppose it would be easy to lose sight of oneself when in possession of such a power.”

“You wouldn’t have,” Light argued.

“Maybe, maybe not,” L replied, tilting his head. “But I know I would have wanted to test it too - mainly out of curiosity. And I would have wanted to understand how it worked, test the limits as well. I suppose in my position I could have used death row inmates - but in the end, it wouldn’t have been right either. I know I tend to go by ‘the ends justify the means’ for my cases, and I don’t hesitate to bend laws - but with the notebook… I would likely have crossed a line.”

Light remained silent, taking in what L had just said. But L thought he looked a bit calmer than before.

“Light-kun, this power isn’t natural. It isn’t meant for humans to use. I don’t believe you would have become a murderer if you hadn’t found the notebook, never mind that you think the world would be better without some people. A lot of people think like that - Matsuda, for one, and really, can you picture _him_ as a serial killer?” L asked, hoping for some levity and knowing he had succeeded when he saw Light’s lips curl up briefly. “I’ve observed you for months, and the way I see it, the person you became working with me is the person you could have become, had you not found the Death Note and been given the right opportunity. And the important thing is that this person - _you_ \- has rejected Kira. Now, as I said, I don’t believe in forgetting what has happened. I think you should be monitored, not only in case Kira accidentally comes back, but also because I’m afraid you might want to hurt yourself. Besides, as you are conscious of what you’ve done, you will surely agree that you shouldn’t simply be allowed to go back to your previous life without facing any consequences.”

“When I took over Kira earlier… I told myself I wanted to face those consequences as my own self. So, Ryuzaki, I’ll accept whatever you see fit,” Light said quietly, but with determination.

L gave him a small smile and squeezed his shoulder slightly, before reaching in his pocket for a key and unlocking the cuffs around Light’s wrists and ankles. Then, under Light’s surprised gaze, he brought out a familiar pair of handcuffs and chained them together again.

“These will have to come back on temporarily,” L said as he stood up, extending a hand towards Light. “Now, I shall tell you what I have in mind, but I’d very much like not to have this conversation on the floor of a cell. Let’s go back to our room.”

Light eyed L’s hand with confusion. “You… You’re letting me out?”

“Out of this cell. Not out of my sight. But I said earlier that you could have a second chance, right? Let me help you, Light-kun,” L said gently.

There was the smallest hint of a smile on Light’s face as he took L’s hand and stood up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, things are definitely looking up! Although there's still a lot they have to deal with...  
> I hope it didn't seem too rushed? I just didn't want things to drag on - there's only so much conflict I can write (>_<) But they're going to address Light's feelings about having been Kira again, of course... And, well, this is a Lawlight story, so that's also something to look forward to in the midst of everything else!


	5. Here's where we begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The situation was too complex. They would have to keep working together for years after this, so it would be best for them to maintain a working relationship. No need for them to become any more distracted than they already were. This would have to stop; L would talk to Light in the morning._   
>  _For now, though, Light’s hand did feel really nice around his._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the previous chapter, L had to confront Kira. And now... he has to confront his feelings.
> 
> Thank you so much for all the support :) I hope you guys will like this chapter. It is definitely less heavy than the two previous one and I had a great time writing it!

They talked until late into the night, sitting side by side on their bed. L’s idea was simple - first, they needed to make it seem like everything had been an elaborate scheme created by Higuchi, and that he had always been the only Kira. Light wasn’t very keen on faking evidence, but L had pointed out that the rest of the task force might not accept the truth so easily. At the thought of telling his father he had been Kira, Light had looked mildly sick and hadn’t argued further.

The rest of the plan would mainly require finding a satisfying excuse as to why Light had to leave Japan and follow L back to England, but they still had some time to figure that out. Technically, it wouldn't really matter where they were, but remaining in Japan would make it difficult to explain why Light had to stay with L. And L figured there'd be plenty of things for Light to do at Wammy’s House - including study for his degree. Also, he felt it was about time he visited the place again.

“All this feels... too kind,” Light said quietly. “Working with you on cases, studying and teaching classes at a school for geniuses - after what I’ve done… I don’t know. I mean, Kira or not, I would probably have jumped on this opportunity. It just doesn’t feel like I’m being punished here.”

L hummed pensively; he had been expecting this reaction. “Keeping you locked up forever would serve no purpose whatsoever. It would only be a waste of your potential. By working with me, you can help stop criminals. By teaching the children, you can help shape future detectives.” Light frowned, seemingly unconvinced, so L went on. “And if you really need it to be a punishment... I imagine that teaching genius teenagers - some of them quite temperamental from what I’ve been told - can be rather challenging. You will also be stuck with me for years - likely forever - which I suppose will lead to many more fights given our personalities.”

Light huffed a small laugh. “I don’t mind that last part. Arguing with you can be infuriating, but it’s… I don’t know. Stimulating. But what about you, then? Won’t this be annoying for you?”

“I don’t bother arguing with people who aren’t worth it,” L said noncommittally. “And you should know that by now, Light-kun. Most of what I do, I do for selfish reasons. If I didn’t want you around, I would have thought of something else.”

The admission seemed to stun Light, as he remained silent for a while. To be honest, L wasn’t entirely comfortable with having said that - but he figured the fact that he didn’t hate having Light around shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise by now.

Still, the silence was quickly becoming rather heavy, and L wasn’t sure how to continue this conversation, so he decided to put an end to it. “You should sleep,” he said quietly, facing away from Light as he started moving off the bed.

“Wait,” Light said hesitantly, grabbing L’s wrist. “Could you… stay? At least for a little bit?”

L swallowed, closing his eyes for a second. He wondered briefly whether or not it was an insult to his intelligence to pretend he only wanted to help Light fall asleep so he could start working on their plan afterwards.

Deciding he would rather not answer this question, L wordlessly slipped under the covers until he was lying on his side, facing Light. If the younger man had appeared somewhat calm earlier, he suddenly seemed as distressed as he had back in the cell.

“What is it, Light-kun?” L asked quietly.

Light closed his eyes and took a deep breath before reopening them. “I’m just - scared. That if I fall asleep, I’ll wake up trapped inside my mind again. That he’d come back.”

“Unless you suddenly start sleepwalking, find a way to remove the handcuffs and leave the room without me noticing, then accidentally stumble onto the Death Note, I would say that it is unlikely.” Especially as Watari had locked the notebook inside a safe with a fingerprint scanner, but he wasn’t going to tell Light anything about the notebook’s location.

“Fear isn’t necessarily logical,” Light said, a small smile adorning his lips. “But thanks. I guess having someone else point it out to me does help a little.”

“Good,” L whispered.

They stared at each other silently for a few moments, until Light spoke again. “Hey, Ryuzaki?”

“Yes, Light-kun?”

“Why did you save me?”

“I thought I had explained myself extensively already.”

“It just… It doesn’t seem like the rational thing for you to do.”

L paused for a moment, then averted his gaze. “It might not be.”

The younger man remained silent, and when L looked at him again he found that Light was staring back at him with a contemplative expression on his face. L felt his heart rate pick up speed as the mood surrounding them shifted ever so slightly, the meaning behind his words easy to guess - no matter how much he himself had tried to ignore it.

“You should sleep,” L said again, his voice only a whisper.

Light nodded silently and shifted closer, his hand closing on L’s in between them. L watched, frozen, as Light gently brought their hands to his face, soft lips brushing against L’s knuckles. Light’s eyes remained closed through it all - maybe he really was getting tired, maybe he was afraid to see how L would react.

To be fair, L wasn’t sure how to react. There was a clear conflict between what he thought he _should_ do and what he _wanted_ to do - and the latter was getting harder and harder to ignore. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the intensity of the past few days when Kira had taken over Light, but these unwanted feelings were getting slightly out of hand.

Idly, L wondered whether it would have been different had Light not been Kira after all. He would probably have gone home, back to his old life - and L would have done the same, and would simply have been satisfied that Light hadn’t ended up living his worst nightmare. He might have missed the company for a while, and probably would have figured out a way to stay in touch - Light had been the first person he had let himself care for, after all. But that should have been enough.

Now, however… Having been so close to losing Light forever - having _really_ lost him for a moment - it had evidently affected him. L was somehow way more aware of every little thing he felt in regards to the sleeping boy in front of him. There was the way his fingers were itching to brush off that strand of hair that had fallen on Light’s forehead. The deep ache in his chest at how soft Light’s face looked when he was sleeping. The warmth of Light’s hand holding his, and how his body craved to move closer still. This went past simply caring, past waking up close to each other, past butterflies in the stomach.

L supposed that was what attraction felt like. Not that he wasn’t familiar with the biology of it - dopamine, adrenaline, serotonin - he could name every hormone that was coursing through his veins and making him think so irrationally. But it was the first time he had truly experienced it, and he was having trouble dealing with it. Not to mention that, given their situation, he wasn’t sure it would be such a good idea to act on it.

They still had so much to take care of. There was the issue with Misa, who they planned on meeting the next morning. They also had to convince Rem to stay in the building for a while and admit to the taskforce that she had been the one to kill Higuchi. There was the second notebook, and thus a second Shinigami who might cause them more problems. There was the issue with convincing the taskforce - and they would have to remove the handcuffs too because they couldn’t exactly justify them anymore.

There was also the fact that Light had gone through a lot up until now. Sure, he did seem a bit more… _affectionate,_ had been for a little while, truly -  but how much of it was real? L had locked him up, chained himself to him, locked him up again - and, sure, helped save him in the end - still he couldn’t stop himself from shivering as the words _“Stockholm Syndrome”_ echoed inside his mind.

The situation was too complex. They would have to keep working together for years after this, so it would be best for them to maintain a working relationship. No need for them to become any more distracted than they already were. This would have to stop; L would talk to Light in the morning.

For now, though, Light’s hand did feel really nice around his.

* * *

When L opened his eyes, he was surprised to see Light’s eyes on him. He was even more surprised to realize that the sun had started to rise already.

“What time is it?” he asked, voice still raw with sleep.

“A little after six. Relax, you didn’t oversleep,” Light replied with an amused smile.

L frowned. Right - the sun did have a habit of rising rather early in Japan. This was nothing new. He _really_ needed to fully wake up. Actually, as he kept looking back at Light, he noticed that the younger man seemed perfectly alert.

“You’re awake,” L said.

“Impressive deductive skills,” Light said and - was he _chuckling?_

L glared at him through half-opened eyes. “You’re never awake first.”

The younger man hummed softly. “I suppose you’re right. I just… I was having this dream. Woke up about thirty minutes ago and couldn’t fall back to sleep,” Light trailed off, a flash of distress crossing his face.

“Kira’s gone. You saw to it,” L said, trying to give Light a reassuring smile. He noticed that his thumb had started gently stroking the back of the other man’s hand. _Ah_ \- so, it seemed they were still holding hands.

Light seemed to compose himself. “Thank you,” he whispered, smiling gratefully.

“You’ve already thanked me a dozen times last night, Light-kun,” L replied with barely hidden amusement.

“Well, get used to it, because I’m nowhere near done,” the younger man retorted, his smile growing a little before disappearing as his expression became serious.

L’s eyes widened slightly under Light’s gaze, and he swallowed hard at the intensity he could see in the other man’s eyes. Alright, he should probably stop holding Light’s hand now, get up and leave the bed, say something—

“Hey, Ryuzaki…” Light whispered softly, shifting closer. “Can I…?”

L might have been inexperienced in this area, but he also wasn’t clueless - he knew what was coming. He only realized that he had actually let it happen when he felt soft lips covering his own. The moment was brief, but somehow time seemed to slow down - and it made alarm bells go off inside L’s head because this was _wrong, very wrong, really bad idea_ \- but also so _soft_ and sweet and he had to stop himself from leaning in and pressing closer because he really shouldn’t be encouraging this - _but—_

Then suddenly it was all over and Light’s head was back on his pillow and the younger man was looking at L expectantly. Without really thinking, L released Light’s hand and brought his fingers to his still tingling lips.

“Ryuzaki, please say something,” Light breathed out, and he was definitely starting to look worried.

This brought L back to reality and he swiftly sat up, bringing his knees to his chest, before taking a deep breath. “We— We shouldn’t,” he said quickly, staring at the wall. “The situation is too complicated, it needs our full attention. Besides, you’re vulnerable right now, you might not know what you—”

“No,” Light interrupted, sitting up as well. When L looked at him, Light didn’t look scared anymore - he looked determined, and a little angry. “Don’t give me that excuse. You think it’s because you saved me - or some Stockholm Syndrome thing, right? I mean, I get why you would think that, but give me some credit. It isn’t new. I’ve kept it to myself for a long enough time, and, believe me, I hated feeling like this at first. How could I be attracted to you after everything you put me through? But eventually I had to accept it. I never acted on it before, because I thought you wouldn’t be interested - I thought you were gonna leave anyway after everything was over. But now…” Light trailed off and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “Listen,” Light continued. “It’s alright if you don’t feel the same. Being friends is fine with me - after hearing Kira’s thoughts about how he was planning to kill you, having you here, alive… It’s enough. But don’t use _me_ as your excuse.”

L opened his mouth to say something but Light interrupted immediately. “And don’t use the case either. You know we’re both smart enough to focus on it when necessary.”

The detective remained silent for a moment, unsure whether or not he should be annoyed at the fact that Light had seen right through him. Eventually, he sighed. “I feel like I’ve already lost focus on the case for a while now. Or at the very least, like my focus has changed.”

“Is that such a bad thing?” Light asked softly.

“Obviously, you would think not, as it resulted in me saving you,” L replied, resting his chin on his knees. “But you have to understand, Light-kun... I never allowed myself to get close to anyone before, for fear that it would compromise my integrity - and, evidently, I was right. I don’t fully understand how this even happened in the first place, and it is not something I’m used to.”

L wasn’t looking at Light but he could feel his eyes on him. The younger man observed him silently for a while, before putting his hand on L’s forearm - making him shift away slightly. “Alright, look at me,” Light said gently - and when L did, there was no anger in Light’s eyes anymore, only understanding. “Stop trying to understand for a moment. Pretend there’s no case, no Kira, no… ethical grey-area, if you like. What do you want?”

“I can’t magically turn off my brain, Light-kun,” L retorted.

“Fine, then don’t try to pretend. Just— What do _you_ want?”

Technically, this was a good question - L was a selfish man, after all. Except that, for most of his life, the only things he wanted were puzzles to solve and sugary food to eat. He had never needed people. Watari’s quiet company was enough for him - and sure, he supposed he felt something akin to affection towards the kids at the orphanage... Though, to be fair, he hadn’t seen them in years and barely talked to them in the first place.

But now, there was Light. Light, who had actually managed to become his first friend. Light, who challenged him constantly, and apparently enjoyed it when L was the one to challenge him. Light, who had made him put his work in second place for the first time ever. Light, who knew all about his quirks and annoying habits but somehow still seemed to be attracted to him.

Watari’s words came to mind. _“Allow yourself to be happy,”_ the older man had said. L hadn’t fully understood it then; after all, he always did what he wanted and thus considered himself rather happy.

_What do I want?_

L allowed himself to really look at Light. Not that he hadn’t spent a lot of time staring at him during his investigation already, but this time it was only for his own benefit. He let himself appreciate the light-brown color of the other man’s eyes, the way he was looking back - expectant, patient, hoping. There was the shape of Light’s jaw and the way it was slightly clenched, betraying some anxiousness.

Without really thinking, L raised one hand to brush some of Light’s hair off his forehead, letting his fingers linger in the soft strands for a while before slowly tracing down the outline of his jaw. L didn’t miss the sharp intake of breath Light took then, nor the way he unconsciously licked his lips.

_Right. I want._

Was there even a point in denying it any longer? Light had said say he wanted this. L had spent weeks trying to ignore what he felt without really succeeding. Would it really be more distracting to figure out how to work while being together than to keep pretending he felt nothing and face the awkwardness that would likely ensue?

And sure, his capacity to view the situation rationally might be impaired by his hormonal reaction right now - but then, wouldn’t giving in be gratifying?

L _was_ a selfish man. And thus, he decided there wasn’t a good enough reason anymore to stop himself from doing what he wanted. Swiftly, his hand stopped its course down Light’s jaw and moved to the back of his neck, pulling the younger man closer as he closed his eyes and leaned in.

Their lips met again, less softly than they had earlier, but not forcefully either. This time, however, L let himself enjoy the feeling. Somehow it felt as if all of the emotions he had tried to repress came crashing down on him, and the adrenalin rush made his heart race. He supposed his technique was probably rather hesitant, but Light didn’t seem to mind much - if the way he had sighed into the kiss and locked his arms around L’s neck was any indication. Relying on instinct, L slipped his hand into Light’s hair and pushed forward a little, deepening the kiss.

The thrill of it was so much stronger than anything L had experienced while solving cases - even the most complicated ones. Then again, the Kira case _had been_ his most complex one, and without it he would likely never have met Light - this brilliant, beautiful, _infuriating_ young man who had somehow managed to break down L’s guard and make him _care_ for someone for the first time. Kissing Light was just the culmination of everything that had led them here, so it made sense that it would bring him such exhilaration.

Also, it was getting really difficult to keep thinking clearly with Light’s hands moving through his hair and along his neck and shoulders - or with his tongue doing _that._ L wondered if he should be worried after all - this kind of distraction might indeed alter their ability to really focus on anything.

Light suddenly pulled back. “I can hear you think. Stop,” he said in an amused tone.

L frowned at the remark, though it might just have been because they were no longer kissing. “I told you I can’t just switch off my brain.”

Smiling, Light rolled his eyes. “Well, try. And put your legs down, you definitely don’t need your reasoning capacities right now, and your knees are digging into my chest,” he said, gently pushing down on L’s knees.

Making a show of sighing, L complied slowly - the endorphins coursing through his body were probably affecting his thinking capacities way more than the position of his legs anyway. “Satisfied?” he asked, raising an eyebrow and leaning back on his hands. Sitting like this made him feel a little uneasy - exposed, somehow - but he was curious to see where this was going.

Light’s grin widened. “Almost,” he replied before hooking one leg over one of L’s and leaning in to kiss him again.

L smiled into the kiss, then backed away just a little. “I should remind you that we’re meeting with Misa in less than two hours, and we have yet to finalize the last details of our plan,” he said against Light’s lips.

“Can we please not talk about Misa right now?” Light mumbled.

L pecked his lips gently. “I’m just saying we can’t get too carried away. We have to make sure we're prepared for this meeting.”

“I know, I know,” Light sighed, trailing kisses alongside L’s jaw. “But we can still enjoy this for a while, right?”

“I suppose I am not—” L said, his breath hitching when Light started to kiss down his neck, “—opposed to it.”

Light moved his head back up, giving L a fond smile before leaning in again. “Good,” he breathed against L’s lips.

L closed the distance, kissing Light slow and deep. He wrapped his arms around the younger man and pulled him down on top of him. He started thinking about how they should also talk about this, define rules to make sure their work wouldn’t be affected - but then again Light’s body was firm and warm against his, and the younger man was doing _really_ nice things with his tongue again, so maybe L should do what he had suggested and try to stop thinking for a little while.

Light _was_ a genius, after all. Surely, his insights were worth listening to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there are still a bunch of plot points we need to hit - starting with confronting Misa, which will be in the next chapter... but we have now entered the Lawlight part of this fic. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter :) L is not running away from himself anymore! (Was he ever, really, who is he trying to fool)
> 
> I know the whole "taking Light to Wammy's" isn't the most original thing... But I've always liked the idea of L bringing Light there with him and the two of them working together. And in my quest for giving everyone a relatively happy ending, it made sense, so... I hope it's not disappointing!


	6. Reveal what you'd never shown her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Really, L might only feel tired annoyance regarding the model, but she deserved better than being used by Kira for the rest of her life. Hopefully she could learn to think for herself when she returned to her own life._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, time to meet Misa! To be honest I've never managed to really be satisfied with this chapter, mainly because the actual scene with Misa got a bit longer than I thought, and the fact that she has the eyes at this time was a bit annoying. I hope you guys will like it anyway - there's still some L & Light banter in there, and Ryuk also makes his first - albeit brief - apparition in this story. 
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments :) I'm glad you guys are still enjoying the new updates!!

Rem showed up through the wall of their bedroom a few moments after they had finally worked out the last details of their plan. L was confident that they looked enough like their usual selves that Misa wouldn’t pick up on what had been going on between them earlier. He didn’t really dare imagine the girl’s reaction at finding out that he and Light had been making out for an extensively long time before meeting with her.

In the end, they hadn’t had much time to discuss the change in their relationship. Disentangling themselves from each other had taken a bit longer than he had anticipated - and L suspected that they had only managed it because neither of them had dared push things very far yet.

Still, Light had been right. They had only needed a few moments to settle down and to take a quick shower - maybe the most awkward one since they had gotten handcuffed to each other, as they each were now _really_ aware of the other being naked on the opposite side of the shower door. Still, after sharing a few embarrassed glances while brushing their teeth, they had laughed it off and then been able to focus and work together just as usual. If there hadn’t been the threat of Misa and the Shinigamis hanging above them, L might even have said that they were more relaxed than usual in the way they interacted.

“Good morning, Rem,” L said simply, informing Light about the Shinigami’s presence at the same time. Rem didn't reply, simply staring between the two of them, so L went on. “You said that using a small piece of the Death Note to touch Misa allowed her to see you back at Yotsuba without giving her her memories back, right? So I assume it should be the same for Light?”

“It should be,” Rem said flatly. “Misa is here. She’s waiting.”

“We’ll get right on that, but first…” L produced a small, hidden piece of the Death Note, no larger than a fingernail, that Watari had brought him earlier along with more coffee. Light gave him a worried look. “Just look at me. Last time, I could tell you had become Kira again the moment it happened, so I should be able to see it now if it happens again.”

Light nodded slightly, his eyes fixed on L’s as the detective let the piece of notebook touch his arm. Nothing happened. Light didn’t scream; his eyes remained the same - although they did focus on Rem the moment he could see her.

“Rem…” Light said hesitantly. “I’m… sorry. And thank you for not killing us, I guess.”

“I don’t care about you, Light Yagami. I only want to keep Misa safe.”

L rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes, we will not do anything to Misa-san. I’ve already arranged for her surveillance detail - as long as she doesn't start acting suspiciously they won't be bothering her. Now it all depends on how she takes the news.”

“I just hope she’ll believe our explanations and gives up the other Death Note without a fight. After that… breaking up with her won’t be easy but at least she won’t be a threat to either of us,” Light said, sounding unsure.

“Good thing she trusts everything you tell her,” L retorted, unlocking the handcuffs. They had agreed not to wear them around others; there wasn’t a good enough reason why Light would have to be monitored all the time anymore - not one they could tell them, in any case. Still, L wasn’t going to leave Light alone with Misa and the second Death Note - but they already had a reason for that.

Light sighed, rubbing his now-free wrist. “You know I hate using that against her.”

“I know,” L said with a barely visible smile. “Because you’re not Kira anymore.”

The younger man simply nodded, but still seemed uneasy.

“It’s not that big a lie,” L said, placing a hand on Light’s shoulder. “Besides, it’s meant to keep her and everyone else safe. It’s not the same as using her feelings to just help yourself.”

“Right,” Light breathed out softly, before finally meeting L’s eyes. “Let’s do this.”

* * *

It was a good thing L was rarely wrong, because if Misa hadn’t been as trusting - _gullible_ \- as planned, things could have gone downhill very fast. The fact that she had the Shinigami eyes was a problem, as she could immediately see Light didn’t own a Death Note anymore - and L had to be wearing a mask so that she wouldn’t see his name.

Fortunately, she had believed everything - that L had joined their cause; that Light had given him his notebook in exchange for his name, to settle their new alliance; that L couldn’t allow anyone else to know it - hence the mask; and also that Light had only kept pieces of his former notebook, allowing him to remember somehow, but now he needed hers so that he and L could be equals. _“I’m doing this for you too, Misa. This is safer for you, and your safety is the most important thing to me.”_

Light really was a good actor. L was grateful for his ability to see right through him.

It was _not_ a good plan - in fact, L kinda hated how it was just a bunch of ridiculous lies thrown together. Then again, they didn’t really _need_ a good plan for this; they just needed to act quickly as Misa was always asking to see Light. As long as she believed Light was acting as Kira, L had the feeling that she would do anything Light said, without asking questions - like how she had dug up her notebook and brought it here. Really, he might only feel tired annoyance regarding the model, but she deserved better than being used by Kira for the rest of her life. Hopefully she could learn to think for herself when she returned to her own life.

Misa threw herself in Light’s arms as she willingly gave up her Death Note and L had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Not that he was jealous - the idea that he could be jealous of her seemed utterly absurd - but she was way too dramatic. Before Misa could look up, L quickly grabbed the notebook from where she had laid it on the coffee table and hid it in an evidence bag under his sweater. His ears were immediately assaulted by some loud cackling, and as he looked up, he could see the second Shinigami - Ryuk, Light had said - jumping around and laughing.

Well. If the current situation amused him so much, maybe it wouldn’t be too hard to keep him entertained. For now, L nodded at him slightly in acknowledgement, making sure his attitude didn’t betray his surprise at seeing yet another supernatural being. He then took a few steps back to sit on one of the couches - L couldn’t leave Misa and Light alone, especially not with the second Shinigami loose, but he could give them some semblance of privacy. He glanced sideways at Light and Misa, waiting to see if, unlike Light, she really had forgotten everything.

They were all quiet for a moment - apart from that annoying Shinigami, who apparently couldn’t stop laughing - until Misa slowly raised her head.

“Light… Sorry, you were saying?” She said, sounding slightly confused.

“Weren’t you listening?” Light asked tentatively.

Misa tilted her head and smiled. “Sorry, I was just so happy you asked me to come and meet you! Although I don’t see why _he_ has to be here,” she added, frowning as she noticed L on the couch. “Go away Ryuzaki, you don’t need to supervise our dates anymore, you pervert! And what’s up with your stupid mask?”

L sighed, unwilling to remove his mask. Misa _did_ seem as if she had forgotten everything, but he still felt more comfortable leaving it on. “Light-kun, please?”

Light shot him a brief glare before turning his attention back to Misa. “Misa, please. Ryuzaki is here because there’s something he needs to tell you about, but first, we have to talk,” Light said gently but firmly, settling his hands on Misa’s shoulders.

“Light? You sound so serious, what’s going on?” Misa asked.

“Misa, I’m sorry… But we can’t be together anymore.”

“You— Wait. No. Light, what are you saying? I love you!”

“I know - and I didn’t want to hurt you, but… Misa, think about it, we don’t really know each other. You came to my house and asked to be my girlfriend, you said you would make me fall in love with you - but I can’t return your feelings. It’s not fair to you to continue like this,” Light said, and L watched Misa’s face fall with his words.

“I don’t mind, Light, I can love you enough for both of us. I just want to stay by your side, please!”

L did roll his eyes this time - he couldn’t help it, having heard Misa proclaim her undying love for Light so many times now. It had been mainly annoying back when L hadn’t known the exact nature of Misa and Light’s - well, _Kira’s_ \- relationship. However, now hearing her say these things made L slightly uneasy... Sure, maybe Kira had tried to use Misa by pretending to love her, but with the threat of Rem, he had been backed into a corner and forced to keep her around to make her happy. The detective might not be an expert on relationships, but he at least knew that one was pretty fucked up.

He tilted his head slightly as he watched Light, wondering if whatever had apparently started between them could remain relatively healthy. The fact that they had come to care for each other in spite of everything that had happened during the investigation was already hard to believe - and they both had rather strong personalities. Then again, they did seem to work together seamlessly most of the time, and their fights were usually short-lived and didn’t affect their dynamic. L would maybe go as far as to say it was _part_ of their dynamic. He supposed as long as neither of them was using the other or forcing him, whatever was going on with them would at least be better than… _that._

Light closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before taking Misa by the hands and leading her to the opposite couch. “Alright, Misa, please sit and listen to me.”

“But, Light…”

“Misa, please.”

The model looked like she was about to proclaim her undying love for Light once again, but something in the way Light was looking at her made her falter a little and she nodded quietly.

“Alright.” Light took another deep breath. “I never told anyone this, so I hope I can trust you to keep this a secret. Misa - I _really_ can’t return your feelings. You’re a wonderful girl - but that’s also why…” Another deep breath. “I’m not interested in girls like that. I never have been.”

L bit his thumb as he heard this. He hoped Light knew what he was doing, because admitting that to someone like Misa could potentially backfire pretty strongly. Given how she had reacted to the handcuffs, he mentally prepared himself to receive her scathing looks and insults - and likely to be accused of _‘perverting her Light’_ or whatever.

Surprisingly, though, she said nothing for a moment, realization falling over her face until she finally breathed out a quiet “Oh.”

“I’m sorry,” Light continued. “I feel like I used you. Because you wanted so much to be my girlfriend, I thought it’d be nice to show my family I was dating a girl. Staying single through college might have seemed suspicious.”

“I understand,” she said quietly, and L blinked a few times. _What just happened?_

Light seemed just as shocked, though he hid it quickly. “You… you do?”

“I suppose it makes sense. Even before Ryuzaki hijacked our dates, you never were really affectionate. I thought you might just be shy but…” She closed her eyes, and smiled a bit sadly. “I’m not mad at you. I mean it when I say that I understand - one of my friends at the agency, well, she… she would fake-date guys a lot, you know. So I know how complicated it can be. But don’t think I’ll tell you who that is,” she added with renewed energy, waving her finger in front of Light.

Light chuckled in relief. “I’m so glad you understand. Sorry I didn’t tell you before now.”

“It’s fine. I imagine it isn’t easy. But, I could keep pretending? I really don’t want to be apart from you! I don’t mind if it’s all for show,” she said hopefully.

“It wouldn’t be fair to you, Misa. And I won’t be doing that ever again, it doesn’t feel right at all. Besides… I’m going to leave Japan. Because of the work I did here, Ryuzaki managed to get me an internship in Europe,” he replied, staying evasive.

She opened her mouth to say something, but then turned towards Ryuzaki. “You— You’re taking him away? And _why_ are you still wearing that?”

L sighed. “I’m not _taking_ anyone. I offered, and he accepted. And I’m wearing this because I like to.”

Misa huffed. “Well, at least it hides your ugly face.”

“Your words wound me, Misa-san,” L replied, deadpan. He smirked slightly when he saw Light rolling his eyes.

Misa turned back to Light. “Do you really want to leave?”

“It is a great opportunity, Misa. I can’t let it pass.”

“Fine,” she conceded reluctantly. “Wait - is it okay that he heard what you told me? Oh, Light, please tell me you’re not dating him.”

“What, _him?_ Please. I have _standards,”_ Light retorted, acting as if the very idea were personally offensive. “And it’s fine. I thought he might have guessed it already.”

“I did. I’m a good detective. And you are both horrible to me, though I don’t seem to understand why,” L sighed, raising an eyebrow in amusement before remembering Light wouldn’t be able to see it with the mask on.

“Payback,” Misa retorted, sticking out her tongue.

“Anyway,” L said, standing up, “not that I’m not enjoying the relationship drama here, but there is something we need to tell you.”

“What, there’s more?” Misa said, looking scared.

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad,” Light told her.

“So, as you know now, Higuchi used to be Kira,” L said. “During that time, he was being followed by a Shinigami - yes, it seems they exist, I know, it’s hard to believe. It appears that when you were fishing for information, that Shinigami - her name is Rem - well, she took a liking to you. Mostly because she thought Higuchi was being a jerk to you… or something,” he continued, acting vaguely uninterested. “Anyway. Now that he’s dead, she asked to be able to interact with you, and to visit you sometimes to make sure you’re safe.”

“...I don’t get it,” Misa said, her eyes wide. “A Shinigami… likes me?”

“I know that it’s a lot to take in,” Light said gently.

“She’s here now,” L said. And she indeed was, glaring daggers at the second Shinigami who apparently could _not_ stop laughing. “Do you want to see her?”

“...Do I have to?” she asked, not sounding very confident.

“It can be a bit scary at first,” Light told her, “but I’m here, okay? And don’t think of her as a Shinigami. She actually wants to look out for you. Think of her as a supernatural bodyguard of sorts.”

 _Well._ A bodyguard who’d die upon saving the person they were protecting wasn’t really a good one, L thought idly.

Misa took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “Alright,” she finally breathed out, clinging to Light’s arm.

* * *

“I can’t believe that went well,” Light said, leaning against the wall in relief as soon as they were a reasonable distance from Misa’s room.

It was a shared sentiment. Rem had been very compliant for once, and had agreed to meet them with the task force the next day to move on with the plan. And while the goodbyes had been tearful, Misa had eventually let Light go with a small smile. All in all, this whole thing had been much easier than anticipated.

“That was a risky move,” L simply said, taking off his mask and shoving his hands in his pockets, watching Light close his eyes and breathe deeply.

“I know,” the younger man replied, not bothering to open his eyes. “But I thought it would be the only thing that would make it clear that I couldn’t like her. Even though there was still a chance of her wanting to be the one to _change me_ or something stupid like that.”

“Her open-mindedness did come as a surprise,” L mused.

Light opened his eyes and raised an eyebrow. “So much for your deductive skills, huh?”

“I didn’t say I was happy about it. Surprises are not my thing.”

“You still could have been nicer to her,” Light huffed, poking his arm.

“Ah, but that might have appeared suspicious, coming from me,” L retorted with a small smirk. “Besides, I could have been much worse.”

Light hummed noncommittally and closed his eyes again. L watched him for a few more seconds then frowned in annoyance.

“Light?”

“Yes?”

“Does your Shinigami _ever_ stop laughing?”

Well, _that_ made him stop.

“Hey,” Ryuk interjected. “Don’t act as though I’m not here.”

L turned to his side, holding out a hand to signal Light to wait. “Believe me, it is hard to forget that you’re here.”

Ryuk shook his head. “You’re even less nice than he was. So what was all that with the girl? Are you two guys working together now? Is it going to be interesting?”

“I’ll answer all that with Light, but he can’t see you right now. Watari is expecting us in the kitchen, let’s go meet with him and we’ll talk. Light mentioned you liked apples?” L said, gesturing towards the end of the hallway.

The Shinigami started bouncing around in that direction and disappeared around a corner, so L took that as a yes.

“So… Ryuk?” Light asked tentatively.

“I sense a headache coming up,” L replied quietly with a sigh.

“He’s not that bad… Provided we can entertain him.”

“We do manage to keep each other from being bored,” L mused, tilting his head.

“Then I suppose we have a chance,” Light said with a small smile. “That is no small feat.”

L looked back at Light and returned his smile. “Hmm, you might be right.”

They held each other’s gazes for a while, the atmosphere shifting a little when L absently licked his lips, making Light glance down briefly.

“We should probably get going,” Light said quietly.

“You don’t sound so sure of yourself,” L replied, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, I can think of few things I’d rather do than talk with Ryuk…” Light trailed off.

“I don't think he's gone too far, unfortunately. Unless that was what you meant by keeping him entertained?” The detective inquired, making sure to sound genuinely curious.

Light immediately punched his shoulder. “Ugh - oh my god, Ryuzaki, no! Thanks for that image. I’m never kissing you again,” he whispered.

“You’re so cruel,” L sighed with a fake pout. Light rolled his eyes and L couldn’t help but smile at him. “Come on, let’s go deal with this,” he said gently, leading Light towards the kitchen with a hand on his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> L: Seriously, that plan was not good.  
> Me: Listen, I just wanted to write some fix-it fluff, not my fault you guys have tons of things to deal with first.
> 
> Then again, I am pretty sure that Misa would buy anything Light tells her, so... And since she already thinks L is weird, her memoryless self most likely would accept that he's wearing a mask for no valid reason. (And yeah, there were times I wondered why I did not simply sum up this part instead of writing most of their conversation, but apparently I like pain)  
> She's probably more accepting here than she really would be... But I kind of wanted to be nice to her instead of having her be the crazy clingy girlfriend. Plus it's fun to have her react in a way that L and Light didn't expect.  
> Next up, the talk with Ryuk - and lots more Lawlight times!! (and I promise there will actually be more next chapter^^)


	7. Stay and play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“The plan has changed,” L interrupted, sensing Light’s uneasiness. He pushed a cup of coffee in front of the other man before sitting down next to him. “But we were hoping we could still prove entertaining to you now that we’re working together,” he continued as he started adding sugar cubes to his own coffee. He didn’t really want to give the Shinigami any details about what had happened, not if he could help it. They only needed to keep him interested enough so that he wouldn’t kill them and give the notebook to someone else._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to convince Ryuk that things can still be fun! This chapter has a lot of talking, whether Ryuk is here or not, and I actually enjoyed writing it quite a bit. I hope you guys will like it!
> 
> Thanks again for all the support! I'm really glad open-minded!Misa was a success :)

“Hi, Ryuk,” Light said as he sat down at the table.

L exchanged a small nod with Watari as he handed him the notebook along with the small torn out piece he had just used on Light. The older man swiftly left the room, and L went to pour himself more coffee. He had a feeling he might need it.

“Light-o!” Ryuk exclaimed, well into devouring his second apple. “What are you doing with this guy? Him being alive wasn’t part of the plan, right?” he asked, pointing at L.

“Well…” Light hesitantly started.

“The plan has changed,” L interrupted, sensing Light’s uneasiness. He pushed a cup of coffee in front of the other man before sitting down next to him. “But we were hoping we could still prove entertaining to you now that we’re working together,” he continued as he started adding sugar cubes to his own coffee. He didn’t really want to give the Shinigami any details about what had happened, not if he could help it. They only needed to keep him interested enough so that he wouldn’t kill them and give the notebook to someone else.

“Eh, I’m not sure. You guys were really fun when you were trying to beat each other. He would get so angry sometimes - hilarious,” Ryuk said, nodding towards Light.

“Hey—” Light started to protest, but L held out his hand to stop him.

“Well, as the past few months have shown, Light doesn’t need to be Kira to get angry at me,” L said with a small smile, ignoring the way Light rolled his eyes. “I also imagine you’d like watching genius teenagers prank him.”

“I’m beginning to worry about where exactly you are taking me,” Light muttered.

L put a soothing hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, I will help you plan your revenge,” he said, smirking.

Light raised an eyebrow and gave him a fondly annoyed look. “You’re going to be enjoying this, aren’t you?”

L’s smirk widened. “A lot.”

Ryuk’s wild cackling made them turn their heads. “Oh, I get it now! You two are _working together,_ alright. Light-o, you lied to the girl, didn’t you? You _are_ dating him. Oh, this is good!”

Well, technically, they hadn’t exactly defined what they were yet.

“Does it matter?” Light immediately retorted.

“I don’t think the nature of our relationship is important here,” L said carefully.

“Then I guess I can pop by anytime and it won’t bother you?” Ryuk replied.

L glanced briefly at Light - a faint blush dusted the younger man’s cheeks and his jaw was clenched. It was actually kind of cute. “Alright, maybe don’t do that,” he told the Shinigami. That only seemed to amuse him further.

“You humans are so interesting! So, he gives up his plan to rule the world, and you give up arresting him for… For what? Lust? Love?”

Feeling Light tense up next to him, L gently squeezed his shoulder before he replied to the Shinigami. “Would more apples convince you to stop discussing this?”

Ryuk remained silent for a moment. “How many apples are we talking about?”

“How many did Light use to give you?”

“Hmm. About one, two a day if he was feeling generous. None if he was pissed at me - which he often was, to be honest.”

“Well, you weren’t very helpful most of the time,” Light argued.

“Hey, if I had been helpful, I would have helped you kill this guy and you wouldn’t have a boyfriend right now,” Ryuk countered. Light only glared at him in response.

“Alright, anyway,” L sighed, rolling his eyes. “I can offer you one bowl a day. Plus a special treat - the place where I’m taking Light has an orchard. I’ll set aside one tree for you, so you can have the freshest apples once a year, how does that sound?”

“Hmm, I already like you better than him,” Ryuk said gleefully. “But what about the notebooks? You won’t be using them?”

“No. This kind of power should not be given to humans - they are to remain hidden,” L said. Then he remembered something and frowned. “Rem did say she should be taking the other notebook back, though she didn’t say why…”

“Ugh, she can be such a pain in the ass,” Ryuk grumbled. “Alright, I may technically have stolen the first notebook from some other Shinigami, and he may need it back. Tsk. I suppose she wants to be the one to take it back to suck up to the King so he’ll overlook her little visits to Misa… Whatever... But the other one is rightfully mine now; the original owner is dead. So it stays here. Come on, let me see how you’d use it!”

L pondered for a second. Maybe Rem leaving with Higuchi’s notebook should be enough for the task force to agree to wrap up the case, as they had no idea there was a second notebook. Then he and Light could leave the country. “Like I said, we won’t use it. Don’t worry, though. Human behavior can be very intriguing. I’m sure you’ll find enough examples to keep you amused - just ask Watari to provide you with an internet access,” L said.

Ryuk studied him for a while. Somehow, his gaze held more threat than Rem’s had - but then again, Rem only wanted to keep Misa safe. As long as L could ensure he wouldn’t go after her, Rem didn’t care about him. Ryuk, however… He seemed more unpredictable. He could very well steal Kira’s Death Note from wherever Watari had hidden it and give it back to Light, or kill everyone in the task force for fun.

L could only hope that these new developments would prove interesting enough to prevent him from doing so.

“Something I don’t understand, though, is how you got Light-o here to give up the Death Note?” Ryuk eventually asked. “I mean, last time I saw him he still had those crazy eyes, and was leading the girl on. Are you just that good in bed?”

L’s stare darkened as he took a deep breath to try and fight the impending headache he could feel creeping up. He vaguely registered Light choking on his coffee next to him. “Do you want these apples or not?”

“Do you want me to kill you or not?” Ryuk retorted.

“Wait,” Light interrupted. “No one’s killing anyone. Ryuk - believe it or not, but I gave it up willingly. The short version is that my personality during the memory loss clashed with my personality as Kira, and I managed to take over. I still retained the memories this time around, though it feels like they’re not mine.”

“That’s weird,” Ryuk said, then shrugged. “Then again, no human really ever used the Death Note like you did. See, I’m still learning new things with you, I’m not too sure I want to give that up.”

“The Death Note comes from _your_ world. It baffles me how little you know about it,” Light retorted. “Listen, I don’t want to be Kira. But me killing people wasn’t what you found the most fun anyway, I know that.”

“Well, world domination sounded quite fun. Can you do that without the notebook?”

“Hmm, I wouldn’t exactly call it world domination,” L mused, his fingertip absently brushing along his lower lip. “But I have ties with many governments, and I pretty much do whatever I want during my investigations. Plus, Light will be working with me, and I doubt that any case would prove too difficult for us, so my influence - _our_ influence - can really only grow. Maybe that would be close enough to keep you interested?”

“That... sounded quite arrogant somehow,” Light said, frowning a little. “But I suppose it’s true.”

L simply shrugged, and Ryuk pointed a finger at Light. “Ha! I don’t think you can lecture anyone about arrogance, Light-o!”

“I’m not Kira anymore,” Light spat back.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree - great saying by the way!” Ryuk cackled.

“You’re using it wrong,” L replied flatly. “But I suppose I see what you mean.”

“What?” Light exclaimed. “You agree with him?”

“Well, if it’s like you said, and you _did_ decide to become Kira out of free will, then it would be logical that he shares your basic personality traits. Becoming Kira just exaggerated some of them,” L said, immediately regretting not thinking that argument through beforehand as he saw the hurt on Light’s face.

“I can’t believe you—” Light’s voice grew louder, but as he moved to stand up he suddenly stopped himself. “I can’t believe you’d say that,” he muttered then, casting L a dark glance.

L bit his thumb. _Shit. I really need to work on those filters of mine if I don’t want to keep hurting him._ “Light, you know I don’t think of you as Kira anymore,” he said quietly.

“Whatever,” the younger man mumbled.

L sighed. “Light—” he started, then glanced up at Ryuk, who seemed to find their exchange fascinating. “Have you come to a decision?”

The Shinigami’s ever present grin widened. “I guess I’m curious to see whether or not you guys can work together without killing each other, even without the Death Note. Plus your new relationship amuses me.”

“Perfect. Now, could you please go explore the building or something? I’d rather talk to Light alone for a moment. You can go chat with Watari - maybe he’ll let you try something other than apples. Other fruits are nice too, you know.”

“Maybe I would know, if Light-o here had been more generous with me.”

“Hey, fruit isn’t cheap,” Light retorted defensively.

“Says the guy who spent all his money on a miniature television…”

“Shut up Ryuk!” Light seemed really pissed now.

“Wow, wow. Still so angry. Good, this is going to be fun. I’ll come by later - don’t worry, I’ll knock!” Ryuk said with a wink that made L want to reconsider burning up the notebook and forgetting everything after all. Then the Shinigami disappeared through the wall, leaving an awkward silence between the two men.

“Light…”

“I know. I chose to become Kira but then I also chose not to be him anymore. Whatever.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” L said quietly, ignoring Light’s scornful scoff. “And frankly, I’m not sure I understand why you reacted so strongly. What I said was more or less what you had already told me.”

Light remained silent for a moment, pointedly looking away. Eventually, his shoulders slumped and he sighed deeply. “It hurt because it’s true. Because no matter how much you tell me that I am different from Kira, that I wouldn’t have become a murderer without the Death Note - I still see myself in Kira, and I still remember how I used to think before all of this. I wasn’t nice. I was arrogant, like Ryuk said. I had a few friends, but I didn’t care for them. No one was really interesting to me, and I believed the world was a rotten place with rotten people in it.”

“Light—”

“I didn’t have a bad life,” Light interrupted. “My family was proud of me, we rarely argued. I would get perfect grades without even trying too hard. If I wanted something, I usually only had to ask.”

“That didn’t mean you were happy.”

“I should have been. At least, I should have been happy enough not to go on a murder spree. And you said that I am now who I should have become - but, do you really believe that? Even without the Death Note, all I can see myself having become is a vain, bitter, manipulative man who thinks he’s better than everyone around him. Who I am right now… is an anomaly. Kira said I wasn’t supposed to exist - and maybe he was right - maybe I was really bound to become Kira; maybe I could still become him again; maybe—”

“Alright, stop right now,” L cut in. “Who cares what could have happened? You are who you are now, and you have a chance to become the person you _want_ to become. Maybe you got a glimpse of who you could be, given a certain set of circumstances, but the circumstances have changed now. So, it’s up to you to make the most of the new situation. If you don’t want to become Kira again, then don’t.”

Light still seemed defeated. “But I’m still—”

“You’re still what? Arrogant? Manipulative? Big deal. As if I wasn’t all of those things myself. And you know what, I think I like you better when you’re all full of yourself than when you wallow in self-pity,” L said with a small, provocative smile, hoping to get a reaction from Light.

“I’m _not_ wallowing— wait, what?” Light asked, seemingly dumbfounded.

L shrugged. “Well, you can be infuriating when you don’t agree with me. But it’s… enjoyable. Challenging. And that’s also how I expect you to be. Get angry with me like you used to if I step out of line or say something hurtful. Earlier, you seemed about to yell at me but then you just closed up.”

“I suppose I… I didn’t want to seem ungrateful. You did save me, after all,” Light muttered.

“And you saved me too. We’re even. And sure, because you used to be Kira I will be keeping an eye on you and we’ll see about allowing you to go places alone, at least for a while - but that’s the extent of it. If us working together and… apparently, _dating,_ is going to work out, we have to be equals. Otherwise I don’t give you long before you get _really_ angry and resentful.”

“...I guess you’re right. It’s a weird thing to say, but I’ll let you know when you piss me off from now on.”

“Good,” L said, his features softening. “And I suppose I will try to pay more attention to what I say so that I don’t hurt your feelings.”

“Try? Thanks,” Light retorted sarcastically.

“It’s more than I’ve ever done for anyone else,” L said evasively. “I imagine I will probably fail a few times at first, but I’ll work on it.”

“Well, thanks then,” Light said more sincerely, but then he looked away, his lips curling into a sad smile. “You know, it only hurt more because you were the one saying it. You telling me that you didn’t think of me as Kira anymore, even after knowing the whole story… That meant a lot, coming from the person who suspected me for months. So, earlier…”

“I get it,” L said quickly, reaching out to grab one of Light’s hands and squeeze it gently. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Light replied, the sadness leaving his features. Then his smile turned into a smirk. “So… _Dating?”_

“Ah, apologies, that was presumptuous of me. I know you have _standards,”_ L replied, making a show of letting Light’s hand go.

“Idiot,” Light said, shaking his head and snatching L’s hand back. “Lucky for you, it appears my standards are _‘tall, pale and annoying.’”_

“Those sound like pretty low standards,” L objected.

“Eh, I think they’ll do.”

L held Light’s gaze for a moment and smiled softly. “You do realize that I will likely be horrible at being in a relationship. I’ve never really allowed anyone to get close to me… Nor was I ever interested in getting to know anyone.”

“It’s fine. I like being better than you at something,” Light replied with a smirk. L merely rolled his eyes at this and Light spoke again. “I’m not exactly expecting grand romantic gestures - and to be honest, I'm pretty sure they're not my thing. And seriously, we survived two months of being _handcuffed_ together. At least now when we get pissed at each other we can cool off in separate rooms…”

“I guess you have a point here,” L trailed off, still looking Light in the eyes. He could feel some of the tension leaving his body now that Misa and Ryuk were dealt with - although when it came to Ryuk they would have to see how things went in the long run. Having to lie to the task force was a little annoying - L realized he had actually come to respect these people. It was a means to an end, however, and L had done much worse to get what he wanted during cases.

What he wanted right now, however…

L swiftly jumped to his feet and pulled Light up into a kiss, one hand cupping his jaw while the other settled firmly on the younger man’s hip. The sudden move made Light gasp in surprise, but soon enough he let himself relax against L’s lips, wrapping his arms around the detective’s neck. The touch of their lips was soft and lingering, and they kissed like that for long minutes until L eventually pulled away, watching Light’s slightly dazed face with interest.

“That was… unexpected,” Light breathed out, a small smile on his lips.

L simply shrugged, moving his hand from Light’s jaw to play with a strand of brown hair. “Just felt like it.”

The younger man huffed a small laugh. “I see you’re less hesitant about it than this morning.”

“Well, I still can’t say that the probability of this being a good idea is 100%, but I’m also not opposed to taking the risk. I was avoiding admitting to myself earlier that I wanted to pursue this because, for one, it was new and unfamiliar to me, and also I would never have forced myself upon you.”

“Such a gentleman,” Light teased.

L smirked. “Don’t get used to it,” he said against Light’s lips, fingers tangling themselves in his hair and pulling slightly. Enjoying the way the other man’s breath hitched, L captured his lips once again and turned the both of them so he could back Light up against the table.

Light hopped onto it, breaking the kiss. “You're acting awfully confident for someone who just said that this was _new and unfamiliar_ to him.”

“I'm curious,” L said, running his lips along the side of Light's neck. “Did it ever seem to you that I was _lacking_ confidence?”

“Shut up,” the younger man retorted with a light strain in his voice. “Wait, don’t you have cameras here?” Light added, sounding suddenly concerned.

“Don’t worry, the building’s footage can only be accessed by Watari and I. As far as I know, he’s still able to avert his eyes,” L replied matter-of-factly, then smiled against Light's skin as a well placed flick of the tongue made the younger man shudder. It was true that he had no practical experience in this area, but L wasn't completely uninformed either and he was a quick learner. More importantly, now that he wasn't trying to ignore what he wanted anymore, there was no reason for him to hesitate. It was like accepting his feelings had flicked a switch inside of him.

He captured Light’s lips once again, relishing the soft sound that escaped the younger man. As far as relieving tension went, this was definitely much nicer than punching or kicking each other in the face. The kiss was both gentle and passionate, and L could feel all of the frustration from their earlier meetings with Misa and Ryuk slowly dissolve in it.

Eventually, L pulled back, both his hands resting firmly on Light’s hips. Light pressed their foreheads together and hummed quietly. “I don’t know what you had in mind when you started this, but if you wish to continue we should probably move somewhere else. Whether someone might be watching or not, I’m not too excited about those cameras.”

 _Damn,_ L was tempted to give in. Light was already undeniably attractive, and the molten darkness in his eyes and the breathless quality of his voice just then didn’t really help quell the warmth that was pooling in L’s stomach. He might only have felt like kissing him earlier, but now...

The timing, though, was definitely not ideal. They had spent a lot of time with Misa - _too much_ , really, for L’s taste - and while the conversation with Ryuk had been rather quick, they still had wasted almost half a day already. The task force was coming in the next day, so they needed to be done planting their fake evidence before then. Really, he would feel much more relaxed once all of this was taken care of.

“You do have a valid point…” L whispered against Light’s lips, kissing them briefly. “Unfortunately…”

Light let out a short, frustrated groan, catching on to what L meant. “Can’t someone else take care of the evidence? You have people working for you, right?”

“I do, and they all already have their own set of tasks, just like we do. Besides, weren’t you the one who assured me that we would be able to focus when necessary?” L asked, lightly teasing.

“Ugh, fine,” Light relented, jumping off the table. “What?” he asked, realizing that L was watching him with an amused smile.

“Nothing,” L replied quietly, his smile unfaltering. Oh, how he did enjoy seeing Light all riled up - it might even be making up for his own frustration. A little bit, at least. “Come on, work first, _fun_ later,” he said, drawing out the word _“fun”_ as he put his hand on Light’s shoulder.

Light scoffed. _“You’re_ saying that. You, who keeps eating cake and sweets while working.”

“I don’t see how that is relevant,” L shrugged. “Eating is a basic human need. Besides, those activities aren’t mutually exclusive…” he trailed off, then suddenly smirked at the younger man. “Ah, but… maybe you were suggesting multitasking as we work?”

Light ran one hand over his face, groaning. “Just - let’s go deal with this whole Higuchi thing,” he said, starting to walk away.

L fell in step next to him, gnawing slightly on a fingernail as he tried to look genuinely interested. “Is that a raincheck on the multitasking, then?” Well, maybe he really _was_ interested. Who knew what the future might hold, after all?

Light punched his arm, though not with his full strength. “Shut up.”

“Ah, there’s the Light Yagami I know.”

Light groaned again, but there was some lingering fondness in the exasperated glare he shot L afterwards. L’s smile widened slightly and he simply bumped their shoulders together as they went into the elevator, a comfortable silence settling between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta said that Ryuk with an internet access seemed like a very dangerous idea... I guess he's now trolling forums on the dark side of the internet, oops.  
> The talk between L and Light was something I really wanted to have happen, and I loved writing it. I hope you guys enjoyed it as well :)
> 
> Also I promise I won't keep cock-blocking them with work much longer! It's just a lot of fun to write them teasing each other^^


	8. Too long trying to resist it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Light simply shifted to a more comfortable position, a soft sound escaping his lips. It set off a warm fondness inside L’s chest, and he gently reached out to brush some of Light’s hair from his forehead._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, will these two be able to resolve at least some of the tension that's been building up between them? You'll see^^ Ryuk also comes by again, and L will explain his plan a bit more.  
> These last chapters focus a lot more on L and Light's relationship, and I must say I've had the most fun writing them. I hope you guys will like this one!  
> Thanks always for all the kudos and comments <3

As it turned out, L’s _“work now, fun later”_ plan backfired rather spectacularly, as Light eventually fell asleep at his desk. Then again, L should have seen this coming given the stress the younger man had been under and the fact that he hadn’t gotten much sleep the previous night. He didn’t really mind, though. Working together again had been nice - they were back in sync now, just like before Kira had returned. The familiarity of it was quite comfortable.

Also, to be honest, L was grateful to get some time alone with his thoughts. After spending weeks trying to ignore whatever he was feeling for Light, having suddenly come to accept it wasn’t a small thing to him. He was willingly changing a huge part of his life, and he was surprisingly fine with it. It was interesting how his own self had become some kind of mystery to him. Although, really, the true mystery was Light. How could one person affect him so much, he who had never wanted such a connection with anyone?

Then again, maybe the answer to all that wasn’t very complicated: Light was fascinating. The younger man was the most intriguing puzzle L had ever come across in his life - the perfect teenager with a brilliant mind who had somehow created Kira through logic. And, true, as far as L was concerned, Kira was a deranged mass murderer with a god complex but dammit if L hadn’t ever thought that the way his mind worked was captivating. And as his “real” self, Light’s brain still worked just as beautifully - and L hoped that he could now put it to better use than creating some flawed utopia.

And there was still so much to Light himself - his masterfully crafted facade and its little cracks that L so much enjoyed exploiting, the way his temper could flare up in an instant, how they could sometimes understand each other without even speaking… Light was challenging, incredibly fun to tease; he could get under L’s skin like no one else… and, well, not that it was the most important thing to L, but the man was objectively gorgeous. So, it was barely surprising that L felt himself so drawn to Light in every way.

L let out a contemplative sigh and stood up quietly, trying not to rattle the chain between them. Light had insisted they put it back on whenever it was just the two of them - it seemed he felt safer like this. L hadn’t objected to this; he simply hoped that in time Light would learn to trust himself. Besides, if L’s suspicions were right, Light’s Kira self was tied to the Death Note he had used, and it was the one Rem was going to take back to the Shinigami realm. So, even if Ryuk got bored and tried to give Light the other notebook, it shouldn’t bring back Kira… hopefully. But the main issue was that Light still believed that because he and Kira were originally the same person, he could eventually embrace Kira’s ideals again.

Carrying Light back to their room wasn’t anything new; it had happened a few times over the past few months, whenever L forgot the time. Light would never tell him he wanted to sleep, eager as he had been to prove his innocence even if it meant working himself to exhaustion. It always fascinated the detective how deeply the younger man would sleep whenever it happened. Today was no exception, as Light barely even stirred when L carefully laid him back onto the bed. He simply shifted to a more comfortable position, a soft sound escaping his lips. It set off a warm fondness inside L’s chest, and he gently reached out to brush some of Light’s hair from his forehead.

L paused for a moment then moved his hand away, frowning at the faint cackling sound he could hear coming from behind him.

“Could you please be quiet?” he asked in a hushed voice, turning to glance at Ryuk. “Also didn’t you say you would _knock?”_

“Ah, my bad, my bad - I forgot,” Ryuk said, although his constant grin made it hard to take his apology seriously. “I’m not exactly used to being considerate, eh.”

“Why does it not surprise me?” L sighed, moving away from Light to go sit at his desk.  

“Hey, why is it that neither you nor Light seem to be scared of me? I could kill you anytime on a whim, you know.”

“Ah, but…” L started, turning his head to smirk at the Shinigami. “If we were scared of you, you would find it boring, am I right?”

“Heh. Nothing gets past you, huh?”

“Hmm, did you forget who I am, maybe?”

“Yeah, yeah, okay mister super detective. Don’t forget that without the power of _lo-O-ove,_ Light-o here would have gotten you.”

“Well, I would still have been right about him all along. That would at least have brought me some satisfaction,” L replied matter-of-factly, hoping to get back to his work.

“Hey, so, what are you doing?” Ryuk asked after what was probably less than fifteen seconds of silence.

L sighed again. He supposed he didn’t really have a choice, though; he had to get used to the Shinigami’s presence. “I’m checking all the evidence we planted at Higuchi’s place and in his computer. Such as a torn page of the Death Note with the deaths from this week planned ahead, or the fact that he researched potential scapegoats, like Light and Misa, to confuse us. He’ll pass for a genius who eventually lost his mind and got too greedy… I’m not too happy about pretending that he outsmarted me by making me suspect Light, but we need to completely clear him and Misa if we want to close this case and leave for England.”

“And you’re doing all this for him?” the Shinigami asked, pointing towards Light.

“Are you going to tell me he’s not worth it, or that he isn’t a good person, something like that?”

“Heh, I don’t know about worth, but he certainly never struck me as what you humans call a _good person.”_

L shrugged. “I’m most likely not one either. But I’m not only doing this for him; I’m also doing it for myself…” He trailed off, biting slightly on the tip of his index finger. “I suppose… We’re pretty similar, Light and I. We understand each other easily; we can talk without being bored. I haven’t ever met anyone whom I found so interesting. If you need a reason to understand why I'm doing this, then I can give you a simple, selfish one: I want him to stay with me.” He stopped then, realizing he was opening up to a _Shinigami,_ and not really willing to talk any further.

Ryuk just laughed quietly. “You’re both very weird humans, for sure. Eh, if you manage not to bore each other, I guess the two of you together probably won’t bore me either.”

“Well then, good thing we are _weird,”_ L said with a small smirk. He did not really care what the Shinigami thought of them, as long as it kept them alive. Still, he would really like to work in silence now. “Say, I know you’re supposed to follow me around since I’m the owner of your Death Note but… would anyone know if you broke that rule?”

“Tsk - just tell me if I’m bothering you,” the Shinigami spat.

“Honestly, right now, I really need to finish this. You can stick around and watch if you want, but I don’t talk much when I’m focused. I figured there could be more interesting stuff for you to do outside - or did you ask for an internet access, like I suggested?”

“Fine, fine,” Ryuk relented. “I’ll just annoy you both later.”

“And knock. Don’t just barge in,” L said before Ryuk was through the wall.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry, I’m really not interested in watching you guys…” the Shinigami trailed off, then disappeared, leaving L alone to roll his eyes and pretend he wasn’t at least slightly blushing. The greatest detective in the world did _not_ blush.

How exactly he went from trying hard to ignore his attraction up until the previous night, to now having this distracting need to touch, hold and kiss Light was still kind of beyond him, but L didn’t really linger on the thought. He supposed that it was only natural, after having repressed his feelings for all this time. In any case, it didn’t particularly matter, since it was obvious they both wanted the same thing now.

Glancing at Light for a second, he allowed himself to smile softly at how peaceful the younger man looked in this instant. L could only imagine that the memories of being Kira would plague his mind for a long time - and, quite frankly, he would probably worry if that wasn’t the case. But at least, when he was lucky enough to sleep a dreamless sleep, the Light who never wanted to kill anyone could be allowed to rest. Shaking his head, L let out a soft sigh and turned back towards his monitor. Thoughts about Light would have to wait - for now, he had some important work to finish.

* * *

L ended up working through the night, double - _triple_ -checking everything to be sure all their tracks were covered and that the task force would never be able to question any of the false evidence. Eventually satisfied with the state of things, he let his head fall back and sighed deeply, staring at the ceiling for a while. He still really hoped this wasn’t all a huge mistake. As he moved his head to the side, his eyes were met with the sight of Light’s sleeping face. He sighed again, though this time it was in a fond way. Ah, well, he had already decided that the risk was worth it, hadn’t he?

“Don’t stare at me while I’m sleeping,” came Light’s muffled voice, but his eyes were still closed.

L straightened himself a bit, spinning in his chair to face Light. “Well, since you do not seem to be sleeping, I suppose it should be fine?”

Light opened his eyes and L imagined that he was trying to glare at him but he still looked so sleepy that he failed rather remarkably. Eventually, the younger man rolled his eyes. “Whatever, don’t stare, it’s creepy.”

L simply hummed in reply, then moved swiftly from his chair to the bed to sit next to Light. “In my defense,” he said, his thumb grazing his lips, “I wasn’t even staring, I merely happened to look at you after finishing with our plan here.”

That seemed to catch Light’s attention. “Wait, what time is it?”

“Not yet seven. I was going to wake you in a bit had you not woken up. We should probably appear to be working already when the others arrive.”

The younger man sighed, closing his eyes again. “Yes, that would probably be best…” Then, looking back up at L, he grabbed the detective’s hand. “Sorry I let you do all the work.”

L shrugged. “It’s fine, you know I don’t sleep every night anyway. And you looked like you needed it. Did you sleep well, at least?”

“I guess… I can’t remember any dreams, so… Given the circumstances, it’s probably a good thing.” Light then frowned slightly and tugged on L’s hand. “Hey, just come here for a while?”

Moving a bit awkwardly, L rearranged himself so that he was lying on his side, facing Light. He wasn’t sure why he was feeling a little weird now when yesterday he had even initiated physical contact between them. _I probably just need to get used to it. Everything about this is new, and even if I want it it doesn’t mean it will always come easily to me._

Light seemed to notice L’s unease because he immediately asked, “Is everything alright?”

“Ah yes. I’m sorry. It just seems that I’m still getting used to this,” L replied quietly.

“Having regrets?” Light asked tentatively, apprehension flashing briefly in his eyes.

“No,” L immediately countered to ease the younger man’s worries. “It’s just… I suppose it isn’t natural for me yet. But given the life I led before meeting you, that’s to be expected.”

Relief washed over Light’s face and he smirked slightly. “Well, lucky for you, I’m an expert in relationships.”

L snorted at this. “Right, with all of your fake girlfriends, and Misa. Allow me to doubt that.”

“Hmm, jealous?” Light teased, raising an eyebrow.

“Tsk, hardly,” L said, rolling his eyes. “Besides, they were only fooled by your good looks and your pretty lies - both of which do not work on me.”

Light smiled, and it was completely genuine. “You know what, I wouldn’t like you half as much if they did.” He made a show of frowning, then. “You don’t like my looks, then?”

L swatted him playfully on the arm. “I’m not going to dignify that with a reply,” he said flatly - but when Light started laughing he couldn’t help but do the same.

“See, it’s already less awkward,” Light said with a soft smile once they had stopped laughing. His eyes were burning with intent as they stared into L’s - and the detective had to admit that the younger man was right. He felt way more at ease than a few minutes earlier, and it only made him aware of how incredibly attracted he was to the man in front of him.

“It is,” L conceded in a whisper, inching closer to Light, eyes falling to his lips.

Light didn’t speak, and L only saw him briefly lick his lips before he was leaning forward - or maybe it was Light; he couldn’t tell, and it really didn’t matter because kissing Light felt just as good as it had the previous day. He allowed himself to relax into the kiss, shifting towards Light and moving one hand up to cup the younger man’s cheek. When Light slipped one arm around L’s waist, pulling him even closer, L felt himself smile against Light’s lips and swiftly rolled them over so that he was on top of the younger man.

Light let out a small, surprised gasp then laughed softly. “You’re getting used to some things quite quickly,” he said against L’s lips.

L pulled back slightly to narrow his eyes at the younger man. “Is it really the time for smartass comments?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. His mouth then curled into a barely noticeable smirk and he leaned forward again, letting his lips wander along Light’s jaw to his neck and enjoying the way it made the younger man shudder underneath him. He was beginning to feel warm all over, his body reminding him of how unfinished things had been left the previous day and how much he wanted to keep exploring Light’s skin and see what other reactions he could get out of him.

“You like my smartass comments, though,” Light countered, his voice slightly strained as he slipped his hands under L’s shirt.

Shivering at the touch, L hummed quietly against Light’s neck. “I like that you’re _smart,”_ he said, nibbling Light’s collarbone and smiling at the soft moan it earned him. “Now… the other thing…” He added teasingly, one of his hands finding its way up Light’s thigh to the back of his pants.

Light immediately rolled them over, and when L looked up he saw that the younger man seemed rather unamused. The messy hair did look quite nice on him, however. “No. You're not allowed to make horrible jokes at times like these,” Light said flatly, before leaning down and capturing L’s lips again, kissing him more fiercely.

L chuckled softly into the kiss. “If this is your new way of getting me to shut up, I’ll have you know that I like it a lot better than a punch in the face,” he said breathlessly against Light’s lips when they pulled away.

Light snorted at this. “Right, I’m sure the task force would apprec— _Shit,_ the task force, what time is it?”

L groaned and reached out for his phone, then sighed. “Well, considering the time you need to get ready, I suppose we should go shower now or we might arrive after them.”

Letting out a frustrated sound, Light buried his face in the mattress next to L’s head. “What if I get ready _really_ quickly?” he asked tentatively, nibbling L’s earlobe.

It was L’s turn to snort, although he was definitely feeling the frustration too. “Right, based on previous experience, I'm not sure that's possible.”

“Come on,” the younger man pleaded, “you can't keep doing this to me.” Light rolled his hips down slightly, just enough to make his point and it made L’s breath hitch in his throat. “Do you know how long it's been since I even…” When L didn't answer, Light backed up enough to look at him. “Oh my god, you actually _know,_ don't you?”

“Well, we _were_ chained together for months,” L said, shrugging. “We had to sit outside the shower while taking turns in it… I fail to see how this is a surprise. I assume you know about me as well.”

Light looked away, blushing madly, yet he didn't pull himself off of L. “Well, I… I had the decency to tune it out, at least. Especially after I realized…” The younger man fell silent, still unable to meet L’s eyes.

The detective thought idly that this sheepish side of Light was rather cute. “After you realized what, Light?” L asked quietly.

Light frowned slightly, his face becoming even redder. “Well, let's just say I didn't need to know what you were doing in the shower once I realized that I was attracted to you.”

That gave L pause. He had been so busy figuring out his own feelings and thinking about Light having to come to terms with being Kira that he hadn't spared much thought about Light's feelings for him. Sure, they had spoken about that briefly the previous morning, but mainly L had wanted to make sure that Light truly wanted this and that it wasn't a result of the confinement. Now, though… Realizing that Light had been thinking about him _that_ way for a while felt… Well, it certainly did fuel the fire that was coursing through his veins right now.

His hands secure on Light’s hips, L rolled his hips up experimentally, eliciting a quiet moan from both of them. When Light gave him a half-frustrated, half-questioning look, L smirked. “You know, it occurs to me that showering together could help solve the time issue… as well as our _other problems.”_

Light huffed a derisive laugh. “So romantic.”

Giving Light a completely unimpressed look, L sat up and pulled the younger man fully into his lap. “I mean. It’s your choice,” he breathed teasingly against Light’s lips. He could barely see the other man rolling his eyes before they were kissing again and Light was pulling at his t-shirt.

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Light whispered breathlessly, trailing kisses along L’s neck; and L groaned, urging the other man off the bed.

Truthfully, the detective couldn’t tell how exactly they ended up in the shower after that - he knew the handcuffs had come off at some point and so had their clothes, probably abandoned somewhere on the floor between their bed and the bathroom. However, he had been too distracted by the way their kisses had become more desperate, the warmth of Light’s body against his as their shirts were discarded, the enticing brush of fingers against newly exposed skin. It was fascinating, somehow, how utterly blinding lust could be - and it vaguely occurred to him that maybe he should be concerned about how it was affecting his ability to focus on anything else but the man in front of him… But then again, it was probably fine, he could totally stop if he wanted to.

He just didn’t want to.

Crashing their mouths together once again, L turned the water on - to at least _pretend_ that they really were trying to get ready faster. Light pulled him closer by the hips and L pushed the younger man back against the tiled wall as he slipped one hand between them. It was fast, it was messy, and probably not how a first sexual encounter between two people should normally go - but then again was anything about them _normal?_ In the end, it was less about the intimacy of the act than it was simply about _them,_ and this obsession they had had for each other for so long - this tension between them that needed to be resolved somehow - and L thought idly that this was much better than killing each other.

Light’s hand quickly joined L’s and then everything was warm hands over slick skin, panted breaths, soft moans and more impatient groans as the tension between them kept rising and rising until the point of no return. Intimacy would come later, when they had more time, and as L watched Light’s eyes close and his head fall back in ecstasy, he found he was actually looking forward to it.

L rested his forehead on Light’s shoulder while he tried to catch his breath, and eventually raised his head to look at the other man again. Light’s eyes were still closed, his head resting back against the wall and he was still panting, a soft blush coloring his face - though that could have also been from the shower. L stared for a moment, his mind replaying sounds and images of Light coming undone only seconds ago, and he wondered whether or not this had actually been a good idea. Sure, he felt definitely more relaxed somehow, but it had also felt like a preview for something even better, and the memory of it might prove highly distracting during the day.

Light eventually opened his eyes and raised an eyebrow as he noticed L staring. “Like what you see?”

L rolled his eyes and smacked the younger man’s arm. “Shut up and get ready,” he said with fond exasperation, handing Light his shampoo bottle before reaching for his own soap.

With a chuckle, Light took the bottle and smiled softly. “Thanks, by the way.”

“Huh?” L raised an eyebrow. Surely, Light wasn’t thanking him for _that._

“I mean. For suggesting this,” the younger man said. “I know I joked about the task force earlier but… I honestly would rather not have my father find out about us, if that’s okay? So, thanks for not letting us get _too_ carried away.”

“Ah, that…” L mused, his thumb tracing his lower lip. “I kinda figured as much - about your father. Don’t worry, we don’t have to tell him anything he doesn’t need to know.” Actually, L didn’t particularly mind keeping this a secret. Before Light, he never used to share private details about himself anyway. And even Light didn’t know much about him… Though he might need to open up a little if he wanted this relationship thing to work out.

After all, he supposed that they had already shared something rather _private._

“Everything alright?” Light asked, apparently having noticed L getting lost in his head.

“I’m fine,” L replied with a dismissive gesture. Their shower finished, L turned the water off and stepped out, immediately reaching for their towels. He noticed Light staring at him when he handed him his and smirked softly. “Yes?”

Light didn’t avert his eyes, but he smirked back at the detective. “You know, I wonder if you haven’t become _more_ distracting now.”

L huffed a small laugh and gave Light a long, deliberate once-over. “I was thinking the same thing earlier.” He sighed dramatically then and met Light’s eyes defiantly. “But… you did say we would focus when necessary.”

Light rolled his eyes, but his smirk widened. “Ah yes. I did say that. In that case…” He closed the distance separating them and kissed L hard. “Last one before tonight, then,” he whispered against L’s lips.

L stepped back and grinned playfully at Light. “It’s a dangerous game you’re playing here. I’ll have you know, I have excellent self-control.”

“We’ll see,” Light simply said, running the towel through his hair.

L repressed the urge to snort. “You’ll never hold back until tonight.”

Light hummed softly, reaching behind L to grab his clothes and deliberately letting his fingers brush his still-naked stomach, making L’s breath hitch. “We’ll see,” the younger man said again, looking way too smug.

 _Oh, we will,_ L thought, narrowing his eyes at Light and finally slipping on his t-shirt. The detective was rather sure of himself - the other man wouldn’t risk pulling tricks too daring in front of everyone anyway, and L _did_ have excellent self-control. Light was younger, his hormones still running wild - L had no doubt he would win this.

Following Light outside the bathroom moments later, he smiled softly to himself. This was _definitely_ a much better game than trying to kill each other, for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, seems the UST is still here... And worse^^ Hmm, I wonder who will win the bet... Who can distract the other the most? We shall see next time how they handle the work day!


	9. Playing his game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He found himself sighing again, although this time it wasn’t out of boredom. Light had been right earlier - L was distracted by his very presence next to him and the memory of what had happened between them earlier. Not distracted enough, of course, that he would let it show - and especially not to Light. Still, given the excruciating dullness of this morning, he had to admit that it was rather nice to let his thoughts wander back to how the younger man had looked, sounded, felt against him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... This chapter is the longest of all 12, I think. Not by much, mind you, but it amuses me a lot because this is mainly L and Light being dorks. Also L's... special skills make an appearance. I hope you guys will like this update, it's probably the chapter I've had the most fun writing!  
> Huge thanks to all of you leaving kudos and comments <3

L tried not to sigh too loudly for what seemed to be the hundredth time that morning. Waiting for a realistically long enough time before “finding” the evidence they had planted at Higuchi’s home and in his computer system was excruciatingly boring. Not to mention he felt rather anxious for all of this to be over so that he could be sure his plan had indeed been fullproof - not that he was doubting himself, but he had to admit that he had never done something so risky before. Sure, he had helped Aiber, Wedy, and other criminals escape prison in exchange for their services, but none of them compared with Kira when it came to the nature of their crimes… And unlike with them, it wasn’t as if he wanted to keep Light around for Kira’s powers.

He glanced sideways at Light - something he had also caught himself doing a lot since they had been joined by the task force. No - he did not want Kira, he wanted _Light,_ a fascinating young man, the first person whose mind had ever truly rivaled with his own - but without the homicidal tendencies, thank you very much.

He found himself sighing again, although this time it wasn’t out of boredom. Light had been right earlier - L _was_ distracted by his very presence next to him and the memory of what had happened between them earlier. Not distracted enough, of course, that he would let it show - and especially not to Light. Still, given the excruciating _dullness_ of this morning, he had to admit that it was rather nice to let his thoughts wander back to how the younger man had looked, sounded, _felt_ against him.

Alright, maybe he shouldn’t think about that too much either. He shifted slightly on his chair, taking a deep breath as he wondered whether it would be realistic to “find” their next evidence a little sooner than planned. He noticed that his instant messaging window was flashing and frowned slightly at the screen before opening the message.

> _Light: You don’t seem to be very focused. I wonder why._

L raised an eyebrow and fought back the urge to snort. He typed back immediately.

> _Ryuzaki: If you have time to observe me, then I shall assume you are not really focused either._
> 
> _Light: Well, to be fair, it’s not like there’s anything to focus on for now._

Well, of course Light would be just as bored as he was. He shot the younger man a knowing look, allowing a small smirk to flash across his lips.

> _Ryuzaki: Since there does not seem to be anything better to do, I will be getting some cake from the kitchen._
> 
> _Light: Admitting defeat already?_
> 
> _Ryuzaki: That is quite presumptuous of you, especially as I don’t recall inviting you. There are enough people and cameras here that I can afford to let you out of my sight for a moment - but of course, you are welcome to join me should you want anything from the kitchen._

Without waiting for Light to reply, L jumped off his chair. He bit his thumb slightly to hide his grin when he caught sight of Light, who was watching him through narrowed eyes. Turning around, he briefly told the task force to keep working and then made his way to the kitchen. He was rummaging through the fridge when he heard familiar footsteps behind him and felt his skin tingle slightly with anticipation.

“Now who’s admitting defeat?” L asked matter-of-factly, not bothering to look back.

“I don’t see what you’re talking about, I merely came here to grab some coffee,” was Light’s casual reply.

“Ah,” L said simply, keeping his face expressionless as he turned around and placed a box of cupcakes on the table, though he did feel mildly disappointed. _Then again, I never expected him to surrender so easily._ He glanced sideways at Light but the younger man kept his eyes focused on the coffee machine. L then proceeded to arrange a few cupcakes on his plate before putting the box back in the fridge. Studying his plate, he frowned and grabbed a few strawberries from the bowl on the table.

“I’ll never understand how you can eat so much of this stuff.” Light’s voice made L look up and he noticed that the other man was now staring at his plate disapprovingly, elbows resting on the table across from him as he nursed his cup of coffee in his hands.

L simply stared back. “But isn’t fruit good for your health, Light-kun?” he asked, tilting his head innocently and forcing himself not to grin when Light rolled his eyes.

“You know what I mean,” the younger man said, sounding slightly irritated.

 _Getting to him, however, is always so easy,_ L thought, feeling surprisingly fond. He glanced at the bowl of fruit and his lips curled into a small smirk. “Well, then,” he started, picking up some cherries and placing them on his plate. “I shall take some more to balance things out.”

“At this point, I’m not sure that’s going to help…” Light trailed off, then stopped when L looked at him intently, holding out a cherry by its stem between his thumb and index finger.

“Say, do you know how to tie this into a knot using only your tongue?” L asked nonchalantly.

Light’s eyes widened in confusion. “What?”

“Because I do,” L continued in the same unaffected tone. “Shall I demonstrate?”

This time Light’s eyes narrowed, though L didn’t miss the faint blush that briefly appeared on the other man’s cheeks. Eventually, he pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “God, how can you even say these things?”

“I’m merely making conversation,” L said ingenuously. Light’s reactions were priceless as always and he was enjoying himself immensely.

“Oh I know very well what you’re doing. And it’s not working, by the way.”

L’s eyes flashed with challenge. “Pity. I thought you might find it to be a rather interesting skill,” he said with a soft, regretful sigh, before putting the entire fruit with its stem in his mouth. His eyes never left Light’s, making sure that his attention was focused on him the whole time until he opened his mouth again, discarding the pit and holding the now knotted stem out in front of him. “See?”

Light’s face turned slightly redder and L tried not to smirk at the shuddering breath he heard the younger man take. Eventually, Light huffed and averted his gaze. “Shouldn’t we be getting back to work? We should probably start finding that evidence pointing towards Misa and me having been used as scapegoats before Rem arrives,” he said quickly, before turning towards the hallway.

The detective followed him with a small smile, balancing his plate in one hand and biting the thumbnail on the other as he contemplated the cakes and fruits he had chosen. “Maybe I should also get some whipped cream…” he trailed off thoughtfully.

“Please don’t,” came the strained reply from in front of him, and L’s smile only widened.

* * *

The fake evidence was eventually uncovered little by little, and L felt some weird satisfaction when the other members of the task force admitted that they understood why L used to suspect Light and Misa so much. Given the circumstances, it was the best apology L could have expected from them, and while it frustrated him to no end to have to pretend someone like _Higuchi_ had outsmarted him, he decided to take what he could get.

He stared absently at his screen, his little game with Light forgotten for a moment just like his last cupcake as he reflected on the irony of this whole thing. Was he really satisfied that he had been right all along? After all, as he had started caring for Light, he had stopped wanting the younger man to be Kira as much as before. He had _hoped_ to be wrong, even - _hoped_ for Light to avoid being confronted by such a past. But as always, L had been right. And sure, maybe staying with L would present Light with better opportunities than if he had been innocent and gone back to his old life - but the memories and guilt would never leave him.

Glancing sideways at Light, L found the other man’s eyes on him, a contemplative look on his face. He smiled, almost imperceptibly. He supposed things could have turned out much, much worse, considering. No need for dwelling on what ifs - that had been his own advice to Light, after all.

And if he was completely honest… It did feel rather nice, knowing that Light would still be around after the case was over.

He shook his head slightly to regain his focus and noticed Light giving him a questioning look. He shrugged briefly, dismissing it, and turned back to his screen. The message that flashed up a few seconds later didn’t really surprise him.

> _Light: Are you okay?_
> 
> _Ryuzaki: Fine. Just going over the plan again._
> 
> _Light: I know how irritating all this must be for you… Thanks._
> 
> _Ryuzaki: I already told you, I never do anything I don’t want to do._

Light was typing a reply when Rem appeared and made everyone turn to look at her. Ryuk was there too, though none of the other task force members could see him - or hear him. _Lucky bastards._ He glared briefly at the laughing Shinigami, hoping to make him stop. Surprisingly, it did work. Slightly. Ryuk only flew to a corner to get a better view, grinning madly. L suppressed a sigh and decided to try and ignore him, focusing on Rem and the questions the others were asking her.

“Are you sure you told us the whole truth?” Soichiro asked the Shinigami, and L couldn’t help feeling cold when Rem glanced in his and Light’s direction. He didn’t even have to look at Light to know that the younger man was just as tense as he was right now - everything now relied on whether or not Rem was going to keep her word. It was in Misa’s best interests, technically, but who knew if the Shinigami couldn’t have found a way to get rid of everyone and save the model at the same time.

“Fine. I killed him,” Rem eventually said, and L only realized he had been holding his breath when he exhaled in relief. He exchanged a quick knowing glance with Light as the other members of the task force gasped in surprise, and they both got up to join the others. The rest was only a matter of whether or not the task force would buy the whole thing. They had tried to think of everything the former NPA members might ask, to cover everything up with lies - but as only he and Light were aware of many of the rules regarding Shinigami and humans, it should be fine. Besides, L hoped that he could manage to steer the conversation in a direction that would work to their advantage.

* * *

“I can’t believe they accepted it,” Light said, sighing as he leaned against the kitchen wall. “Is this really over?”

L hummed softly as he rummaged through the fridge. “As long as no one starts asking more questions I believe it really is. We’ll wrap up all of the evidence over the next few days, and I’ll see if I can get your father and his men reinstated,” he said, taking out the strawberry shortcake he knew Watari had bought earlier. He noticed that Light was still standing there, staring at his plate with wide eyes. “Do you want anything?”

Light looked up. “Hm, no. I’m good - I just wanted a break.”

“Alright.” Discussing Rem’s revelations and the new evidence had taken several hours and as they had constantly been scared that the Shinigami might suddenly change her mind and ruin everything, they were feeling rather drained. L wasn’t entirely convinced by Light's reply, though - something in his expression seemed off.

He placed the cake back in the fridge then turned back towards the kitchen counter, absently licking icing off his fingers - when his hand was suddenly pulled away from his mouth and he found himself kissing Light instead. _Ah, so that was why you were staring._ L remained frozen in surprise for barely more than a second before threading his fingers through Light’s hair and kissing him back like he had wanted to all day. He was aware that they had to be careful as anyone could walk in, but finally being able to give in felt electrifying and he really wanted to enjoy this for a moment.

Also…

“You lost,” L breathed teasingly against Light’s lips as they pulled apart.

“Well, you cheated,” Light retorted, narrowing his eyes at him.

L huffed a small, incredulous laugh. “Did I now?”

“You did,” Light replied, kissing him again briefly. “The cherry stem thing… The way you oh-so innocently wrap your lips around strawberries… Licking your fingers every so often… That’s cheating,” he whispered between more kisses.

“I don’t remember you complaining about the way I eat before today…” L trailed off, one of his hands settling on Light’s hip, thumb slipping under the younger man’s shirt to stroke the skin there.

Light shifted slightly and cast his eyes to the side. “Well, I’m not—”

“Ah, I see,” L interrupted, placing a finger on Light’s lips. “It’s that you would rather have me using my mouth for different purposes, am I right?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. Light somehow managed to look turned on and embarrassed at the same time, and L couldn’t resist kissing him again. “Well then,” he breathed against Light’s lips, “I suppose I shall make amends for all that cheating then… Maybe later, after everyone has left…”

Light’s answer came in the form of a strangled sound as their lips met again, more fiercely this time. L was trying hard to remind himself that they should definitely not let themselves get carried away here. Still, his body was starting to heat up at the thought of being alone with Light again soon and he could feel the younger man melt against him as he started pouring all of his frustration into their kiss. Eventually, though, he managed to pull himself together enough to draw back and take a deep breath.

“Right,” he said breathlessly, taking a step backwards and running a hand through his hair. “We should probably be going back,” he added, looking back at Light, who seemed to be equally out of breath.

“I— Yeah, just— Give me a second,” the younger man said, blinking a few times, and L couldn’t help but chuckle. “What?” Light asked, a bit snappily.

“Nothing,” L replied with an amused smile. “Maybe we should indeed wait until your face has recovered its usual color.”

“...Shut up,” Light retorted, narrowing his eyes slightly before turning away. “I’ll get some coffee.”

L was about to say something when the door suddenly opened and Matsuda barged in. “Ah, you guys are still here,” the young detective said. “Rem said she would be leaving soon and she wanted to take the notebook with her.”

L glanced quickly at Light who seemed to be focusing intently on the coffee machine, his back to Matsuda, and repressed the urge to smile. “Apologies, Matsuda-san,” he said. “We were discussing the case and appear to have lost track of the time. We will be back as soon as Light-kun’s coffee is ready.”

“Oh it’s fine, I just wanted to let you know. Can you believe it though? That it all ended because the Shinigami wanted to protect Misa…” Matsuda sounded thoughtful. This time, Light’s eyes did meet L’s and the detective knew they were both thinking about how inconvenient Rem’s feelings for Misa were. At least no one else was aware of the fact that she could ultimately only protect her once.

“Who knew gods of death could fall in love?” Matsuda said again, and L noticed how Light immediately averted his eyes. He frowned slightly, but he couldn’t very well ask while the other detective was here.

“All I know is that this case’s resolution is rather underwhelming. Even though it is probably for the best,” L simply said, picking up his fork and taking a bite of his cake.

Matsuda laughed at this, a little too loudly for L’s tastes. “You’re just frustrated that Light-kun really isn’t Kira after all.”

L shot Light another look, but the younger man was still avoiding his gaze. “Let’s just say that for someone to have escaped me for so long… I would rather have had it be someone smart like Light-kun, instead of someone who ultimately got lucky.”

“Well, he did all that research on Light-kun and Misa and everything, so I wouldn’t say Higuchi wasn’t—”

“He was an idiot,” L interrupted. “And I don’t like it. But I suppose that there isn’t anything I can do about it now.” He sighed and noticed Light had turned around and was now drinking his coffee, his face expressionless. “Let’s go back and finish this.”

* * *

The task force didn’t linger for too long after Rem left, taking the Death Note with her back to the Shinigami realm. Weirdly enough, L trusted that she was telling the truth about this part. If it had been Ryuk, he would definitely have suspected the Shinigami would take the notebook to someone else for fun; but Rem had only ever seemed to care about Misa’s safety and happiness. At least they had one less notebook and one less Shinigami to worry about - as long as Misa didn’t somehow gain access to a Death Note and start killing again, she would remain safe.

L took a deep breath and rested his chin on his knees, glancing towards Light. After they had returned from the kitchen, the younger man had kept acting a bit weirdly for a while - mainly remaining silent and refusing eye contact, as if he was mulling over something. He had seemed to have recovered eventually, and managed to make up some excuse as to why he had to stay the night again, but L was still wondering what that had been about. “Are you alright, Light?” L asked quietly.

Light looked away from his screen to look back at L - at least he wasn’t avoiding that anymore. “Ah, yes. I was just thinking…” L gave him an inquisitive look and Light sighed. “Well, for one, it might be weird for me not to spend one last night home before we leave - I know, you can’t let me go, and honestly I don’t want to either, but it still means I have to keep making excuses to my family…” He then gave L a small smile before looking down at the desk. “And I guess I was a little relieved. With my original notebook gone, now… There are fewer chances of me losing myself again.”

L’s thumb traced his lower lip absently. He did feel better about this whole thing too, but only slightly. It was quite annoying that they couldn’t get rid of the other notebook. He didn’t want to just hand it over to Ryuk not knowing what he would do with it, and he couldn’t completely seal it away as the Shinigami had told him he would need to touch it regularly to maintain ownership. _Although I can’t know whether that’s the truth or if he still hopes that I will eventually want to use it._ L was fairly confident that he wouldn’t… But he wasn’t sure how he’d react in a seemingly hopeless situation.

 _No._ He shook his head to get rid of the thought. He couldn’t, _wouldn’t_ let himself be tempted. For Light’s sake, and for his own.

In any case, the notebook would be hidden in such a way that Light should never come in contact with it. Even if Ryuk had confirmed L’s suspicions that _normally_ Kira shouldn’t come back if Light touched Misa’s notebook, as he had never used it, L didn’t exactly _trust_ the Shinigami. “Well, we can’t know for sure, so let’s not tempt fate. And our friend Ryuk here could always decide to steal your former one from that other Shinigami again and give it back to you to amuse himself…” he mused quietly.

Light gave Ryuk a worried look - he had never left the room, only watched the events unfold and laughed obnoxiously a few times. “Ah, but that would be fun, don’t you guys agree?” Ryuk said, then shook his head as he faced both L’s and Light’s glaring looks. “Meh, I probably couldn’t anyway, the Shinigami King must be on to me since I stole it the first time… It’s safer for me to stay here and watch you guys,” he admitted.

“Does that mean you won’t be so inclined to kill us in the immediate future?” L asked ironically, and Ryuk only shrugged in reply. “How nice of you.” He turned his attention back to Light. “As for your family, I can come up with reasons why you need to stay. In any case, you will be allowed to go back to your house and pack, so you will see them again.”

“Does that mean you’ll come to my house? They probably won’t like you very much if you’re taking me away to Europe,” Light said, slightly teasing.

L shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.” He meant it - for one, he didn’t particularly care what people thought of him… But the main reason was that he would rather have Light’s family hate him than know the real reason why he was taking him to England. The morality of hiding the truth was debatable, but L believed they didn’t need to know that Light had been Kira. It would serve no purpose for them to know, and would just make everyone miserable. Considering Light’s small, sad smile, he had likely understood the meaning of L’s words.

_Well. It seems I really do care about him._

“If you don’t want to lie for too long,” L started tentatively, “I suppose we can try and finish wrapping everything up before lunch tomorrow. That way you may go home and pack in the afternoon, and I will arrange for us to leave in the evening. But then we should probably get started.”

Light seemed to consider his option then frowned slightly. “You mean work all night long, right?”

L felt a smile curl up the edge of his mouth as he understood what Light meant. “Maybe not all night long,” he said slowly as he thought over what still had to be done. “We _are_ rather smart, after all. And I suppose that if we finish up in the afternoon it could still be fine. You could have dinner with your family and then we could leave at night - the hour doesn’t really matter.”

“Now that sounds like a better plan,” Light said, his frown turning into a knowing smile.

The look they exchanged was charged with meaning, and they remained silent for a while, suddenly very aware of all the tension that had been building between them throughout the day. The moment was only eventually broken by a highly irritating cackle coming from the other side of the room. Light closed his eyes as he took a deep breath, and L could see the younger man’s jaw clenching.

“Ryuk,” L said simply, his eyes still on Light. His tone left no doubt as to what he really meant.

The Shinigami sighed dramatically. “Yeah, yeah, I know, I’ll get lost. You’re lucky Watari is fun to talk to,” he said before flying through the wall. L watched him leave with a frown on his face.

“I’m not sure how I’m feeling about that last statement,” the detective said pensively.

“I really can’t imagine them becoming friends…” Light trailed off.

“Ah, but you don’t know Watari. He’s quiet, but he has… a playful sort of side, I’ll say. Who knows what they could be talking about?”

Light smirked at that. “Would Watari happen to know some embarrassing childhood stories about the greatest detective in the world?”

“There are no such stories,” L said flatly, narrowing his eyes. “Now, are we going to work, or—”

Light’s lips on his interrupted him and he couldn’t help but chuckle into the kiss. “Don’t you pull the ‘work’ thing on me again,” the younger man said. He was leaning over L’s chair, both hands on the armrests.  

L raised an eyebrow. “In my defense, we would have had time to spare last night if _someone_ hadn’t fallen asleep and left me alone to do all the work.”

“Shut up, I was tired,” Light protested before kissing him again.

L kissed back this time, letting his legs fall into what people would qualify as a ‘normal’ sitting position and locking his arms around Light’ neck. He allowed the kiss to heat up slightly before pulling back, relishing the soft blush that was now dusting Light’s cheeks. “I guess I don’t feel like working after all… Shall we retreat to some other place for now?”

“See, that’s better,” Light retorted, moving back to allow L to stand.

L put his hands in his pockets and started walking towards the elevator with Light following closely. “It occurs to me that we should have made a bet, earlier.”

“Tsk, _you’re_ saying that—”

L smirked slightly. “Well, you did lose.”

“If my memory is correct, I think we established that you cheated.”

“Ah, true. My bad,” L replied, his tone showing just how absolutely _not_ sorry he was. He glanced sideways at Light and gave him a knowing look. “Then again, we never set any rules.”

The younger man leaned against the wall next to the elevator and smirked back at him. “We’ll plan this better next time.”

“Next time, hmm?”

“Well, you wouldn’t want me to become bored, would you Ryuzaki?”

The ‘ding’ from the elevator interrupted them, and L smiled pensively as they stepped inside. “You know… You don’t have to keep calling me Ryuzaki when the others aren’t around. ‘L’ is fine.”

Light snorted quietly. “What, is it like a _thing_ for you? Being called by your detective name?” L didn’t reply and simply watched Light intensely, feeling his heart rate pick up when he saw the wheels turning inside the younger man’s head. “Oh my _god._ No way. It’s your actual name? Are you kidding me?”

Ah, yes, that was _exactly_ what L found so attractive about Light. It was also rather satisfying to imagine just how _pissed_ Kira would have been had he ever known that. His whole body caught fire and he took a shuddering breath as he swiftly stepped forward, backing Light up against the elevator wall. _“God,_ I love the way your brain works,” he breathed against Light’s lips before capturing them in a deep, heated kiss. He smiled into the kiss as Light wrapped his legs around his waist when the elevator opened, and quickly made his way back towards their room with the younger man in his arms.

 _“L,”_ Light breathed out once the door had closed behind them. “I can’t believe it. Your name actually is _L.”_

The detective rolled his eyes and pushed Light down on the bed before crawling on top of him. “So, what is it going to take for you to stop obsessing over this?”

Light raised an eyebrow, his hands toying with the hem of L’s shirt. “I seem to recall a promise you made earlier. To make amends for all the cheating.”

“Hmm, I never promised, I said _maybe.”_ L nuzzled Light’s neck, trailing kisses along the side before nipping the younger man’s collarbone and smirking at the strangled sound that escaped him. “But now, I’m not sure you deserve it…”

“L…” Light said with a quiet groan. The way he spoke his name was void of disbelief this time; it sounded more like a request.

L smirked and brushed his lips against Light’s. “See, that's better,” he breathed out, before kissing the other man again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to stop the scene here... I promise next chapter will pick up where we left off! 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed L's cherry stems skills! Seriously, it's canon - how could I resist having him use them to distract Light? 
> 
> Speaking of canon, you know what I hate? Those 55789567 extra rules that weren't mentioned in canon but are in the rulebook that I only got after I was almost done with this entire fic. I had to go back and change some stuff... namely I was certain that Kira couldn't come back if Light touched Misa's old notebook, but maybe it could happen? From what I understand it should be fine if Light never used Misa's notebook, and I think he didn't? Then again, there's also a rule saying Shinigamis don't know all the rules, and the fact that Ryuk could totally hide some stuff from them, so I didn't have to change too much - but uuuugh it was annoying.


	10. Make every touch electrical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _L glanced sideways at his… well, boyfriend, he supposed. The word still sounded surreal to him, though; he never had expected this to happen. Well, they had time now, after all. Maybe he didn’t need to think too hard about labelling their relationship and let things fall into place naturally._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, we pick up pretty much where the last chapter left off... So if smut isn't your thing, I would advise to skip the first part of the first scene. (But to be honest, I never get very explicit when writing smut, so-)  
> This chapter also contains plenty of fluff, as L tries to deal with feeling... feelings.  
> Many thanks to everyone supporting this fic <3 and I hope you guys will like this update!!

For all his fruit-related bragging earlier, L had to admit he was feeling slightly nervous. Only slightly, of course - he wasn’t clueless - he was fairly familiar with the theoretical aspect of what he was doing, had extremely good instincts, and was a remarkably fast learner. Also, he now remembered some crass remark Aiber had made once regarding the way he ate - and how his hypothetical future lover should consider themselves pretty lucky. L had simply rolled his eyes, more interested in his tower of sweets and whatever information Aiber had come to give him than by the thought of maybe one day taking a lover.

Tsk. Sex. With someone else. What could possibly be the appeal? If it was just about physical release, he could take care of that rather well himself, thank you. Not that he couldn’t appreciate when someone was attractive, he definitely could, but... Involving someone else, even if it would probably allow for different and interesting sensations, seemed like unnecessary trouble. The outcome would be the same. And even if he could hire someone for the sake of experimenting, it would still mean spending time with someone else and touching them. L had no interest in touching people or spending time with them if it wasn’t for a case. People were not interesting.

Light was not _people._

L _wanted_ to spend time with Light. And presently, he _wanted_ to touch him, kiss him, feel him shudder and hear him bite back moans as he tried to remain in control. He _wanted_ to feel him, taste him, discover how best to break through that control of his and make him cry out. And he wanted Light to do the same to him.

It was exhilarating - much more than their hurried encounter in the shower earlier that day. Now they had _time,_ and L relished every sound and reaction he managed to draw from Light as he teased him mercilessly. His own body was starting to ache and demand attention but he tried to ignore it as much as possible because Light’s hands were pulling at his hair, his muscles were starting to tremble, and he felt so hot and hard against L’s tongue - _intoxicating._

Light’s grip on the detective’s hair tightened after a particularly creative swirl of L’s tongue, and the younger man hissed a string of curses between his clenched teeth. L would have smirked if his mouth hadn't been otherwise occupied, and decided to allow Light some relief - if only because he was absolutely _burning_ himself. Making sure to lock eyes with Light, L stopped teasing and started moving with clear intent. He was rewarded with quiet gasps and broken moans as Light’s whole body started shuddering and his eyes quickly lost focus. Eye contact was suddenly broken when Light’s head fell backwards, his back arching and each of his muscles tensing as he came with a strangled cry.

L watched quietly as Light came down from his high, his lips curled into a small smile as he tried to regulate his own breathing. He wanted nothing more than to capture Light’s lips again and continue this, to pursue his own release; and he should probably take off his pants which were becoming extremely uncomfortable - but first—

“Am I forgiven?” L asked, trying to keep a light, teasing tone.

Light looked up and smirked at him, chest still heaving. “Actually, I might want to encourage you to cheat from now on.”

L laughed quietly and crawled back on top of the other man, stopping only when he could rest his forehead on Light’s. “Full disclosure, I didn’t really have any prior practical experience.”

“Well, you’re not a genius for nothing,” Light said, his fingernails lightly scratching along L’s sides in a very distracting way.

L tilted his head to the side, pretending to consider that. “I wonder if I should add that to my resume…”

Light rolled his eyes and grabbed L’s hair instead to pull him into a deep kiss, only breaking away to whisper against L’s lips. “Instead of talking, shouldn’t you be putting the rest of your theoretical knowledge to the test?”

Not even bothering to reply, L simply crashed his lips against Light’s, kissing him with renewed urgency. He let his hands wander all over the younger man’s body, teasing the sensitive spots he had found earlier and swallowing every sound that escaped Light. His pants disappeared at some point - maybe it was Light who had pushed them off, maybe he had done it himself - it didn’t particularly matter right now, what mattered was that there was finally no barrier at all between them, and L was grinding his hips down instinctively, seeking some temporary relief that was definitely not enough.

L’s eyes met Light’s, an unspoken question hanging in between them; Light answered it by hooking his legs up around L’s waist and bringing him down once more. Arousal surged through the detective’s body and he captured the younger man's lips once again. Earlier that day, as he had spent some time picturing their next encounter, he had imagined it possibly going either way - which was fine, he hadn't thought that he would be particularly picky in the heat of the moment… Still, now, as Light’s body was moving up against his in such a tantalizing way, the very idea of having him _like that_ was absolutely maddening.

Seconds later, as he opened the small bottle he had just grabbed from the bedside table while Light's fingers dug distractingly into his back, L idly thought that nothing or no one could make him leave this bed at this time; not the task force knocking at their door in anger at having figured them out - _nonsense;_ not that stupid annoying Shinigami - _let him watch for all I care;_ not the head of the ICPO with the greatest case of his career...

 _Ha!_ As if there could ever be a greater case than Kira. As if anyone but Light could rival with his mind so perfectly. As if anyone but Light could get under his skin so easily. As if—

“Stop… thinking,” Light groaned, shifting in discomfort mixed with pleasure as L began moving his fingers.

“I can multitask perfectly fine,” L retorted teasingly. “Also, I'll have you know that I was thinking about you.”

Light raised an eyebrow skeptically. “Thought you weren’t a romantic.”

“I don't think the nature of my thoughts qualifies as romantic,” L said with a small smirk before kissing Light once more, muffling the frustrated sound that escaped the younger man's lips as L removed his fingers completely.

There was very little talk after that, only whispered _“Is this…?”_ or _“Are you…?”_ as L’s body shuddered with the strain to hold still; and eventually _“Goddammit L if you don't start moving I'm actually gonna kill you,”_ followed by a breathless chuckle from the detective. Then it was just choked moans, hitching breaths and quiet and uncontrolled exclamations as L surrendered to his body’s desires and lost himself in the warmth of Light’s body, over and over again.

The part of L’s brain that always wanted to think about his actions, to analyze what he was doing, was for once completely silent as all of the detective’s senses were assaulted by Light - there was the way his skin burned everywhere they touched, the way Light’s familiar scent surrounded him completely and made him feel high, the way each sound that escaped Light reverberated throughout his whole being, the maddening taste of Light’s lips and skin against his tongue, and the way Light looked whenever their gazes met - brown eyes almost entirely dark and burning, cheeks flushed and hair splayed across the pillow - far from his perfectly groomed self, but maybe more perfect in the end.

The heat shooting through L’s veins kept rising until it became almost unbearable and he knew he wouldn’t be able to hold back much longer - but just as he and Light had always been in synch from the start, it only made sense that they would also be in this very moment. The detective could feel the instant Light’s movements became more uncoordinated and his breathing more ragged, and L himself started moving harder, more intently, slipping one hand between them to help Light reach his completion faster; and when Light finally tensed up around him, a broken cry escaping his lips, L’s self-control was utterly gone and he spent himself, burying his face in the pillow next to the younger man’s head as his body shook with wave after wave of pleasure.

L couldn’t move for a while after that - minutes maybe, or just a few seconds, he couldn’t tell - all he knew was that his whole body felt heavy and his muscles were like mush. Once his breathing had slowed down a little, he forced himself to roll off Light and fell down gracelessly next to him. He turned his head towards the younger man and when their eyes met they both started laughing softly.

“That…” Light started, voice still rather breathless.

“...Yeah,” L finished the thought without much eloquence, but the meaning was the same.

Silence fell between them once again, but it was by no means uncomfortable. L was staring at the ceiling, letting his thoughts wander, but he wasn’t actually doing much thinking. He felt _good,_ relaxed and content, and he wasn’t able to recall a time he had ever felt like this before. _Is this my life now?_ Well, if it was, it definitely reinforced the idea that “saving” Light had been a good decision - as shallow as that might sound. He found himself wondering idly whether they could use sex as a stress reliever instead of resorting to physical violence when they were angry at each other - and found that he was rather curious about what Light would do in such situations. L glanced sideways at his… well, _boyfriend,_ he supposed. The word still sounded surreal to him, though; he never had expected this to happen. Well, they had time now, after all. Maybe he didn’t need to think too hard about labelling their relationship and let things fall into place naturally.

Light’s eyes were closed and L wondered for a second whether the other man had fallen asleep already when he noticed him shivering. “You’re cold. We should get under the covers.”

Opening his eyes, Light looked down at himself and wrinkled his nose. “We should take a shower first…”

“Well, if you can move, be my guest.” L yawned and stretched his arms above his head, then slipped underneath the blanket. “I’m not leaving this bed until morning. Sheets can be washed.”

The younger man rolled his eyes, still frowning. He took a deep breath and it seemed as if he was about to sit up, but he immediately let his head fall back on the pillow and groaned in frustration. L rolled over to the edge of the bed and grabbed his shirt off the floor, then handed it to Light, who stared at him in a slightly horrified way. “That’s disgusting.”

“It’s not as if I’m planning on wearing it tomorrow,” L shrugged. “Now get in here before you catch a cold.” Light reluctantly snatched the shirt from L’s hand and quickly wiped himself off before joining L under the blanket. The detective was on his side, watching him with curiosity and a bit of concern. “Have I hurt you?” L asked softly.

Light looked surprised by the question and blushed slightly, glancing away. “No— I mean, I’m a bit sore but that’s… probably to be expected.” He met L’s eyes again and smiled softly. “I’m really just exhausted.”

“Alright,” L whispered. “I suppose I’ll find out for myself soon enough,” he added with a small, teasing smile.

Light huffed a laugh and smirked slightly. “You most certainly will.” He then shifted closer, taking L’s hand in his and lacing their fingers together. He looked down at their joined hands for a moment, his smirk fading and being replaced by an embarrassed expression. “Hey, um… You know I didn’t mean that literally, right? About killing you.”

L frowned and did a quick mental check because he suddenly had no idea what Light was referring to - and then his mind provided him with the memory of Light’s strangled, lustful voice threatening to kill him if he didn’t move - and L fought to refrain himself from snorting. “Wait— You don’t mean—” Light averting his eyes again was all the answer he needed, and he used his free hand to grab the other man’s chin and make him look back at him. “You really think I would have taken _that_ seriously? Light, I was barely able to think myself; had our positions been reversed I might very well have said the same thing.” Light nodded slightly but was still frowning. L couldn’t repress a chuckle this time. “You’re cute,” he said without really thinking.

Light’s frown became an actual scowl and he pushed L’s hand away from his chin. “Ugh, don’t call me that.”

“You,” L said, disbelieving. _“You_ don’t want to be called cute?”

Light’s eyes narrowed a little but the corner of his lips turned up slightly. “Well. You may call me devastatingly handsome, I suppose.”

L snorted. “Ah, yes. And devastatingly modest, too.”

“Like you are?” Light shot back, raising an eyebrow.

L shrugged. “Well, _I_ would be flattered if you called me cute,” he said with a fake pout, meaning absolutely none of that.

Light let out a soft, genuine laugh and L could feel the younger man’s thumb gently stroke his knuckles under the blanket. “I guess we wouldn’t like each other if we were any other way,” Light said pensively.

L froze slightly, unsure how to respond to Light’s words. He _knew_ he most likely _liked_ Light. At this point, it would be ridiculous to try to deny that he felt at least that. If L were perfectly honest, he would even admit it wasn’t entirely impossible that he _more-than-liked_ Light - but that was a thought he didn’t even dare entertain for now. It was just easier not to put precise words on these feelings yet - as he had concluded in his earlier musings about how to refer to Light. But if he couldn’t even do that in his own head, how exactly was he supposed to voice his feelings right now?

Unfortunately for L, his _most-likely-boyfriend_ seemed to want to address this further. “Say, L… You remember what Matsuda said earlier? About gods of death falling in love?” Light was biting his lip, but he wasn’t looking away this time, staring straight into L’s eyes with determination.

L swallowed hard, part of his brain glad to finally understand why Light had acted so weirdly after Matsuda had said that, the other part of his brain trying to make sense of what he had just heard. He settled on mentioning first what bothered him the most about what Light had said. “You worry about threatening to kill me during sex - and then you go and call yourself a god of death?” L asked flatly, frowning.

Light sighed. “I knew you would focus on that part,” he muttered to himself. “Listen, the thing is, I was Kira. I will always remember it, unless somehow those memories magically disappear again… I will always remember myself laughing like a maniac, trying to become a god and plotting your death. Those memories… They’re terrifying somehow, because no matter how I look at them, no matter how disconnected I feel from them, I know it was still _me._ But… Working with you when I didn’t have those memories… Fighting Kira to try and prevent your death… And now the second chance you’re offering me… It’s also a chance not to keep defining myself as just ‘having been Kira’.” He shook his head and sighed once more, slightly defeated. “I don’t know if I’m making much sense.”

“I think you do,” L replied quietly.

“Anyway… When Matsuda said that, I just… I thought of myself, yes, but also that now I can actually become more than this wannabe-god my Kira-self had wanted to become. And then, well, I thought about you. I know it sounds cheesy, but the main reason I tried so hard to fight Kira in the first place was because I couldn’t just watch myself kill you - even indirectly. Yes, I wanted you to stop me… But I also wanted to save you.”

“Light…” L interrupted, voice sounding slightly strained.

“You don’t have to say it back. You don’t have to say anything. I know how new all this is to you, but now that I realized this I just… I wanted to say it. I think - no, I _know_ \- I’m in love with you.”

L took a shuddering breath, trying not to look away. In a way, he understood why Light might have wanted to say that, but he also wished he had waited a bit longer. Why did people need to put their feelings into words? He and Light were fine how they were; they didn’t need to be defined... They were two people so similar yet different enough that they completed each other instead of being mere copies of each other. They were likely the two most brilliant minds on the planet. They could know what the other was thinking without speaking, anticipate each other’s logic and work together seamlessly. After all the time they had spent distrusting and being annoyed by each other, they had grown to enjoy each other’s company more than anyone else’s. The chemistry between them was perfect, having developed into an intense mutual attraction - which, based on their earlier activities could easily culminate in extremely satisfactory physical release. They also obviously cared for each other - it showed in little things, such as L carrying Light to bed or Light making sure L slept more regularly... and also in bigger gestures, like how they had - _oh, nothing much,_ only saved each other’s lives.

_I’m such an idiot. Who am I kidding? Of course he does... Of course I..._

In spite of all the evidence and the fact that, on some level, he _knew_ \- L still couldn’t think it, never mind _say_ it. He kept staring at Light, worrying his lip between his teeth and sometimes opening his mouth as if he was going to say something, but no words ever came out. Eventually, Light smiled indulgently and shook his head. “Dammit. I broke the world’s three greatest detectives.”

L knew that Light was giving him an out, and that Light already knew he was grateful for it. He merely swatted his arm and made a show of frowning. “You should sleep.”

Light chuckled and shifted closer, kissing L’s lips softly before resting his head against the detective’s chest, one arm lazily wrapped around his waist. L smiled into the kiss, feeling himself relax slightly. If Light wasn’t pushing it, after all, he probably could allow himself not to dwell on this too much. He had been given time, for which he was thankful. L suddenly felt a rush of affection for the man in his arms, and instead of overthinking it he let it wash over him and held Light closer, burying his face in the younger man’s soft hair.

“Handcuffs?” Light asked sleepily.

“I trust you,” L replied quietly, his fingers absently stroking Light’s back.

Light didn't reply. Only a small sound escaped him, something that sounded halfway between a chuckle and a sob, and he snuggled a little bit closer. L smiled softly into Light's hair and closed his eyes, allowing sleep to take over him for a few hours.

* * *

Having woken up in the early hours of the morning, L had started working alone on compiling all the evidence against Higuchi, letting Light enjoy a decent amount of sleep. He was surprised - although not unpleasantly - when Light's arms wrapped around him from behind a little before he would have gone to wake him. Spinning around in his chair, he allowed their lips to meet in a slow, deep kiss, and let his feet fall on the floor so that Light could climb into his lap. They shared long minutes like that, until a still very naked Light eventually dragged him to the bathroom to take the shower he had been craving since last night.

Not that L protested much - it seemed their showers would now be _much more_ interesting, after all.

As they were getting ready in the bedroom before meeting with the task force, they heard a loud _“You guys done having fun?”_ coming from the hallway. L met Light’s eyes and huffed in annoyance. Light shrugged helplessly. “It’s not knocking but at least he didn’t barge in,” the younger man said. “Really, it’s Ryuk… We should take what we can get. This is probably the most considerate he’s ever been.”

“Fine,” L replied with a sigh, then yelled at the Shinigami to come in.

Ryuk appeared through the door and immediately started flying around Light. “So, Light-o, still not regretting your decision to stay with this guy? Not missing your girlfriend after all?”

L repressed a chuckle at the irritated look on Light’s face. “I would be offended if Light said he was missing Misa-san now,” he mused, nibbling his thumbnail and smirking when Light glared at him briefly.

“Honestly, no matter what happens between us, I really don’t think I could possibly miss her,” Light finally replied, sitting on the bed with a sigh.

“So, wait, does it mean that it wasn’t that good? Light-o?”

“Dammit Ryuk, I’m not discussing that with you!” Light snapped at the Shinigami.

“I thought you didn’t want to know...” L trailed off, stepping towards the bowl of fruit in hope of finding an apple there to distract their annoying company.

“I don’t want to _watch,_ doesn’t mean I’m not curious. Also, this guy makes the best faces when he’s angry, so it’s fun to tease him.” Ryuk poked Light’s cheek as he spoke and the younger man actually looked very close to snapping the Shinigami’s neck - if such a thing were even possible.

L had to agree with Ryuk, though he judged it wiser not to mention it. As they still needed to talk to Light’s father about leaving, it would be better if they weren’t fighting. Besides, he had found out these past few days that Light could make many more interesting faces.

_I probably shouldn’t say that either._

Instead, L chose to defuse the bomb by grabbing an apple and throwing it in Ryuk’s direction. “I’ll ask Watari to put out some more in the kitchen, _if_ you stop asking questions.” The Shinigami eagerly bit into the fruit and nodded, still grinning madly.

Eventually, and with the promise of more apples, Ryuk left them alone and agreed not to disturb them too much that day. They could probably do without the incessant cackling while talking to the task force. Light hadn’t moved from his spot on the bed, and L went to sit beside him. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah…” Light sighed softly then huffed a small, sad laugh. “I’m not looking forward to telling my dad I’m leaving. I don’t really know how he’s going to take it… And then I’ll have to tell my mom and Sayu, and they will probably be sad…”

L wasn’t sure what to say to this, so he simply took Light’s hand and squeezed, hoping it was comforting enough. It seemed to have the effect wished for, as the younger man squeezed back and turned his head slightly to smile at him.

“I suppose I’m a bit tired of lying, if you can believe it,” Light said with a soft chuckle. “This whole situation… It’ll take me a while to come to terms with it, if I’m ever able to.”

“To be honest, I would be concerned if knowing that you had been Kira didn’t bother you…” L trailed off softly. “But I imagine it must also be difficult, having memories where you don’t feel like yourself. I’ll try to help you work on that, if I can.”

“You already helped me a lot,” Light replied, his smile more genuine now.

“It’s like I told you already, you saved me, I saved you - we’re even. And now... I suppose it's up to us to make sure it was all worth it. Together.” L smiled back at Light and squeezed his hand again. “Now, shall we?”

Light stood up and sighed deeply. “Right. Let’s go. Let’s go face my father,” he said in an overly dramatic voice that had them both laughing as he pulled L to his feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure, I'm not really into fixed top/bottom dynamics. It depends on the characters of course, but for L and Light I can honestly see them switching depending on the moment and the mood... I know it's something some people feel very strongly about, and I'm sorry if this wasn't what you wanted - it's what felt right to me at this time... Please don't be mad at me!
> 
> Anyway - I love L a lot, and I love exploring how it would be for him to actually fall in love. He already had to admit to himself he was attracted to Light, that he cared for him - now he's starting to understand the depth of his feelings, but it's still a bit too much for someone like him who's always been alone. Will he get there? We still have two chapters left to find out! But first, Light has some news to break to his father...


	11. We're leaving here tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _So, even considering how biased he was towards Light, bringing the younger man with him was likely the best and safest solution for everyone. Having to live with Kira’s memories could probably be considered punishment enough for Light; L would be able to know if Light became Kira again; Ryuk seemed to find their new alliance hilarious, and - hopefully - they would keep him entertained enough in the future that he didn’t kill them and steal the notebook._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two chapters left! It's so weird to realize that this is almost the end of the adventure. But before it happens, let's see how Light is going to manage breaking the news to his father and the rest of his family.  
> If someone knows the song from which I got the title for this chapter... 14-years-ago!me wants to be friends^^  
> Anyway, I hope you guys will enjoy this update! Thanks always for all the kudos and comments :)

As expected, the news that Light was going to be leaving with L later that same day wasn’t met with immediate acceptance and support.

“This is nonsense, Light, what about college?” Soichiro asked, his tone cold and disbelieving.

“And what about Misa?” Matsuda asked, and L rolled his eyes at this question. They had anticipated he might ask, though.

Light pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance and turned toward the young detective. “I broke up with her,” he said, ignoring Matsuda’s gasp of surprise. “I know I said I had come to have feelings for her, and I thought I did, but I quickly realized that I didn’t. As she didn’t need to be here anymore, it was better not to keep leading her on. Anyway,” he continued, turning to his father. “I will still study for my degree. Ryuzaki has assured me that I will be able to attain it, along with a European equivalent.”

“But why would you even follow _him_ to another country? After the way he treated you?” Light’s father went on, and L thought it was time he spoke up as well.

“Precisely, Yagami-san. This is my way of apologizing to Light-kun. The place I’m taking him to has the best teachers in the world. He will be able to study subjects more quickly that he would have here, as well as other, more advanced ones. Not to mention that he will be allowed to teach a few classes as well, and work alongside me on some cases. All of this will only be immensely beneficial to his future career.”

“Dad, can’t you see that this is the best opportunity I could ever dream of? I know it’s sudden, and I will be so far away, but I really want to do it. And Ryuzaki is… well, he’s not _that_ bad when he isn’t mentioning my Kira percentage every few minutes.”

L gave Light a flat stare. “You flatter me, Light-kun.” He smiled imperceptibly as the other man rolled his eyes.

Soichiro sat back in his chair and sighed, looking dejected. “How long?”

“However long it takes for Light-kun to complete his degree. After that, of course, it will be up to him,” L said, his thumb softly rubbing his lower lip. Obviously, Light would remain with him for much longer, but his father didn’t need to know that for now. Besides, depending on how things went, maybe someday they could set up a semi-permanent base of operations in Japan so that Light could visit his family from time to time…

It was such a paradox. The Light standing here right now was innocent - and yet he was also guilty; the younger man himself was aware of it. Still, with one notebook gone and the other hidden, the chances that Kira could take over again were slim, and L was confident that Light would never embrace Kira’s ideals willingly again. He had been too distressed by the truth, and the memories would likely plague him his whole life. In a way… Kira really was dead. L could probably release Light as he had done with Misa and nothing bad would happen.

But was it right for Light to face no consequences at all? It was likely that if Light’s and Misa’s identities as the first and second Kira were revealed to the police force, they would surely be imprisoned and maybe executed, never mind that they technically weren’t Kira anymore. They had taken too many lives; it was only logical. But nothing about this case was logical - Shinigamis and magic killer notebooks were _not_ logical. Besides, he couldn’t touch Misa or Rem would kill him - and really, what good would it do for him to die so that a girl who had no recollection of her crimes could be imprisoned? And even if L could probably devise some sort of scheme to force Rem to sacrifice herself by saving Misa from someone else, there was always the risk that she would see it coming and kill him anyway. As for Ryuk, given what L had seen of him, he probably wouldn’t enjoy it if the “game” were over, with Light in prison, waiting to die. He would most likely kill them both for ruining his fun, then give the notebook to someone else, and then who knew what might happen.

So, even considering how biased he was towards Light, bringing the younger man with him was likely the best and safest solution for everyone. Having to live with Kira’s memories could probably be considered punishment enough for Light; L would be able to know if Light became Kira again; Ryuk seemed to find their new alliance hilarious, and - hopefully - they would keep him entertained enough in the future that he didn’t kill them and steal the notebook.

“But Light, you haven’t even spent one night home since you stopped being a suspect. Think of your mother, are you really going to leave without spending a few days with us first?”

His train of thought interrupted, L noticed how Light had tensed up, and knew that the younger man truly felt guilty when it came to his family. He decided to answer in his place. “I’m afraid this is my fault again. I only mentioned this to Light-kun late last night, and it turns out I have some urgent business to take care of in England, so I cannot postpone our departure. But your son can still have dinner with you tonight and take his time to pack. We will leave around midnight.” Now, they had thought this through earlier that morning, and if they had guessed correctly, Soichiro would—

“You will be coming along as well, then, Ryuzaki. You should be the one to explain to my wife the real reason why her son hasn’t been home, and why he won’t be coming back.” The chief’s eyes were cold and piercing, but L met his stare dead-on. It was as he had told Light the previous night: better the younger man’s family hate him than know the truth and be miserable.

“Alright,” L replied shortly. “We will go as soon as the rest of the evidence is compiled and we can officially close the case. In the meantime, Watari will be arranging for you to return to your position at the NPA.”

Soichiro actually looked slightly taken aback, and so did Mogi. Matsuda gasped and stood up. “Wait, you got our jobs back?”

“Kira is no longer a threat to the NPA. And I am L,” the detective said with a small, self-satisfied smile on his face.

“Wow, thanks so much Ryuzaki, you’re the best!” Matsuda exclaimed. He truly was way too enthusiastic - but L found that he didn’t entirely mind that right now. The other two detectives bowed gratefully at him, and he nodded back, then urged everyone to get back to work.

* * *

L shifted in his chair for the umpteenth time as he tried to find a position that wasn’t too uncomfortable. He had to play the part of the repentant detective who had falsely imprisoned Light and now wanted to make it up to him by offering him a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity - albeit one that meant taking him away to a foreign country - so L thought he should probably avoid putting his feet up on the furniture. Really, the fact that he was putting up with all that masquerade was only further proof of how much he cared for Light. Having to stand there awkwardly while the younger man’s mother had pulled him in a tearful embrace when they came in hadn’t exactly been enjoyable - neither was sitting there just as awkwardly and facing Light’s younger sister’s inquisitive glare while Light was helping his parents in the kitchen.

“So you thought my brother was Kira, huh?” Sayu eventually said, her face expressionless. Apparently the Yagami siblings both shared the ability to control what face they showed the world.

“Again, I’m sor—”

“I get it,” she said with a small smirk. “He can give the coldest looks sometimes, like, that morning I accidentally used his toothbrush?” She gave an exaggerated shudder and continued. “And ever since he started college he won’t even help me with my math homework anymore.”

L blinked at her, completely taken by surprise - which wasn’t something he was used to.

“That’s because you should learn to do it yourself,” Light said flatly as he came back into the living room, carrying a tray of warm drinks. “And stop joking about this, being suspected wasn’t fun.”

“But Light, it’s easier when you explain it to me,” the young girl whined. “And he said you were framed, right? So it wasn’t entirely his fault,” she said, then turned back to L and narrowed her eyes at him. “You’re not such a good detective, it seems. And yes, I’m still mad at you for all this. But, I guess the face you made earlier kinda makes it all worth it.”

Still speechless, L sent Light a confused glance but the younger man just shrugged.

“Sayu, be nice to our guest,” Sachiko said, following Soichiro into the room.

Well then. Apparently Light’s mother and sister were taking the news better than his father had - well, no one had mentioned the fifty days Light had spent in a cell; L had simply explained that because Light had been a suspect he had had to stay at HQ during the investigation. Their acceptance of L’s apology was a bit disconcerting, but he supposed it was nicer than the alternative. And it would give Light a better memory of his goodbyes with his family.

He noticed Light discreetly slipping five sugar cubes into a cup of tea before handing it over to L, mouthing _“sorry”._ L thanked him anyway with a soft, reassuring smile - it wasn’t like he had been expecting Light to use all of his mother’s sugar for him… He could survive one terribly not-sweet-enough cup of tea - he’d just have to make up for it later.

“So, Ryuzaki-san, Light has told me a bit more about the place where you’re taking him,” Sachiko said softly, giving him a contemplative look as she nursed her own cup. “He explained why you can’t tell us exactly where it is, and I understand… Still, I am his mother and I worry.”

“I can understand that. I’m sorry that we cannot tell you more details, it is a matter of security. But I can assure you he will have everything he needs. And I will arrange to set up an encrypted line between your house and there, so you can video chat with him whenever you want.”

“Thank you,” she said with a soft smile. “It’s true that I’m sad he has to leave, especially after he has been away for so long…”

“I’m sorry,” L said for what seemed to be the hundredth time that night.

“Mom…” Light said, roughly at the same time.

“It’s alright,” she said, holding one hand up. “I understand that this was a complicated case, and I am glad to finally know the truth. I also understand that this is an opportunity you cannot refuse, Light. But I am still allowed to say that I’m going to miss you, aren’t I?”

Light gave his mother an apologetic smile, and L choose to focus on his cup of tea. Sayu was looking at the scene without saying a word, and L could see that she was trying a little too hard to look amused and not sad. Soichiro hadn’t said much so far, giving L looks that were alternatively cold and resigned. He was still the one to break the awkward silence that had set in. “Light, you should probably go and pack before dinner. Take anything you want, of course.”

“Right…” Light said, standing up. “Ryuzaki, would you help me?”

More than eager to follow Light instead of staying alone with his family, L climbed the stairs and let the younger man close the door behind them. He looked around, taking in his surroundings.

“I’d give you a tour, but I think you already know the room,” Light said with a small smirk.

“I’m curious as to how you figured out about the cameras,” L said, still looking around. “Did Ryuk spot them immediately and warn you?”

“Tsk, as if he would have,” Light snorted. Thankfully, the Shinigami had accepted to stay with Watari that night instead of following them - something about trying out an apple pie. “No, I knew because the paper in my door was just a decoy. The real traps were the door handle and a piece of pencil lead above the hinges of the door frame. The paper trap having been put back hinted at the fact that someone other than my family had come in… Which is how I suspected. I had Ryuk look for the cameras later, though. He was surprisingly helpful when I told him he couldn’t eat apples anymore as long as there were cameras.”

L watched as Light sighed and sat on his bed, looking at his room contemplatively. “Is it weird, talking about it?”

“Kind of. Mainly it’s weird to talk about it in the first person, because it still doesn’t feel like it was me who did all that. And then there’s the fact that, you know, it’s Kira we’re talking about.”

L sat next to Light and took his hand, allowing their fingers to intertwine. “For what it’s worth, those were good traps.”

Light raised an eyebrow at him. “Right, you _love_ the way my brain works… Is that also true for some of Kira’s schemes?”

“Well, I can’t say this case has been _fun,”_ L said pensively, frowning as he recalled his allies’ deaths. “But, if I only think about the challenge… The way you - _Kira_ \- always seemed to think ahead of me, but then of course I had thought ahead as well… I would be lying if I said it wasn’t exhilarating. I had never been faced with a mind like yours before; it was rather fascinating.”

Remorse flashed over Light’s face and he looked down for a second before shaking his head and meeting L’s eyes again. “You would throw those weak percentages at me… But those numbers were false, weren’t they?”

L started gnawing on a fingernail. “I was almost certain it was you when I read your profile and we put you under surveillance. When I said five percent, I really meant ninety-five. Every time you did something that supported your innocence, I merely asked myself how you managed it.”

Light chuckled quietly. “For what it’s worth… While my Kira-self hated you, I also remember it being pretty exhilarating to try and mess with your investigation.”

“I should be worried that things might get boring if we’re not competing, but working with you against Yotsuba has really been the opposite of that…” L trailed off.

“I’m not worried. I’m pretty sure we can make anything into a game anyway.”

“You might be right about that,” L admitted with a small smirk, but then his expression turned confused. “There’s one thing I haven’t been able to figure out, though… On one of the nights when the cameras were on, two criminals died shortly after being announced on the news. I imagine it would have been easy to sneak pieces of the Death Note anywhere, but how did you get their names and faces - your TV and computer were off. And given what I know about Ryuk, he certainly didn’t kill them in your place.”

Light released L’s hand and stood up. He walked to his desk, letting his fingers run along the edge of it before turning back towards L. “I… may have bought a miniature TV and hidden it inside a bag of potato chips…”

The younger man bit his lip then, and L noticed he was trying to hide a smug smile. He stood up and stepped towards Light, backing him up against the desk. “What are you smiling for?” L asked in a low, teasing voice.

“Well, I might not like having been Kira, but it’s kind of nice to know that I managed to outsmart you at times,” Light retorted, chasing L’s lips, but the detective kept evading him.

“You think you’re so clever, huh?” L’s voice had gotten even lower.

“If it’s true, why shouldn’t I think it?” Light’s hands trailed up along L’s arms, until his arms were locked around the detective’s neck.

L watched the younger man intensely then shook his head, an indulgent smile on his lips. “I don’t know which is more attractive: your brilliant mind or your astounding lack of humility.”

Light leaned in closer. “Qualities you also share, if I might say,” he whispered against L’s lips.

“You flatter me, Light,” L breathed out before closing the distance between them. He kissed Light long and hard, wrapping his arms around the younger man’s waist and pulling him even closer. The only reason he didn’t allow himself to get lost in the kiss was because Light’s family was downstairs and could come and get them any moment.

Light must have had the same thought because he didn’t try to escalate, simply sighed deeply. “Too bad we have to leave right after this,” he said, fingers idly rubbing L’s neck.

L smirked. “I’ll have you know that my private jet has some private cabins, in case anyone would like to sleep. I have never used them myself, but I definitely plan on changing that.”

“Oh, you’re thinking of sleeping on the plane?” Light asked, way too innocently.

“Don’t challenge me, Light. You know I have great self-control…” L trailed off before kissing Light once more.

They only separated when they heard a knock on the door. L jumped back and moved to the bookshelf, pretending to study the books, and Light quickly sat on his desk chair and opened a few drawers. “Come in,” the younger man said eventually.

Behind the door was Sayu. As she stepped in, she looked from Light to L, her eyes narrowing slightly before her face relaxed and her lips curled into a knowing smile. “I see the packing is going well,” she said, looking around the room and making it very obvious that there was no open suitcase to be seen.

“We were discussing what I wanted to take first,” Light replied quickly. “Did you need something?”

“Mom said to let you know that dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes.” She was studying her brother’s face intensely, her smile faltering slightly as she became thoughtful and started frowning. “Isn’t it a bit weird, though? With you having been his suspect and all?”

Light opened and closed his mouth, then shot L a desperate glance. The detective only shrugged and smiled. “Maybe we should have had your sister join our task force, Light-kun. She seems to have rather good deductive abilities too.”

“Not helping,” Light muttered before turning to his sister again. “Sayu, I have no idea what you—”

“You’re blushing, Light. I’ve never, _ever_ seen you blush. Ever.” Light opened his mouth again but Sayu lifted one hand to stop him from talking. “For the record, I don’t care. I’m not even particularly surprised, to be honest. You were always popular with girls but never seemed to pay them much attention. I was excited that you were dating Misa Misa because I’m a fan of hers, but you didn’t even look that interested when she came by. You looked more relaxed today… But, I do think it’s weird, and I don’t like _him_ very much.”

Light sat on the bed and stared at his sister with wide eyes. L frowned slightly and decided to take over. “You are right, it is a complicated situation given what happened during the investigation,” he said truthfully. “If you must know, we have discussed this extensively before deciding anything, and we are aware that it may cause friction between us in the future.”

“ _Please_ don’t say anything to Mom and Dad. It's… I can't do this right now,” Light said to his sister.

“Are you happy?” Sayu asked.

Light bit his lip and glanced towards L. The detective knew that it was a complex question, given the rather heavy secret the younger man was carrying now, so he gave him an encouraging smile. “I am,” Light replied softly, smiling back.

Warmth spread through L’s chest at those simple words and he felt his heart beat slightly faster - partly because of how he felt about Light, and partly because these feelings were taking him back to Light’s earlier declaration in bed and he was still not ready to deal with it. As he tore his eyes away from the other man’s, he noticed that Sayu’s expression had softened greatly.

“Then I won’t say anything. I get it - you’ll tell them when you think it’s time,” she said and Light thanked her, sighing in relief. “But _you,_ Sir,” she added, pointing her finger towards L. “If you hurt him, you’ll have to answer to me.”

L held back a chuckle and nodded politely. “Understood. Rest assured that’s the last thing I want,” he replied calmly, exchanging a fond glance with Light.

* * *

L was absently gnawing on a thumbnail as the plane made its way towards the runway. From the corner of his eye, he could see Light staring through the window, the young man’s expression slightly somber as he knew he was leaving his country for an undetermined amount of time. Their hands had found each other once they had sat down, and L found that he was enjoying this simple physical contact more and more. He turned around to look at Watari, who was sitting a little behind them on the opposite side of the aisle. The older man gave him a knowing smile and nodded quietly. L returned the gesture, feeling thankful that his oldest friend supported him in his - admittedly questionable - choices.

Light’s hand squeezed his own tightly as the plane took off, the younger man never looking away from the window until they were high in the sky. “You know it’s not necessarily forever,” L said quietly, his thumb stroking Light’s knuckles soothingly.

“I know,” Light replied softly. “It’s just the first time I’ve left Japan. And the circumstances are, well, complicated.” He turned to L and gave him a small smile. “But I meant what I told Sayu. I’m happy. I’ll have to learn to deal with all the Kira stuff, and it will probably take time, but… If this is a second chance, then it’s the best I could have hoped for.”

L smiled fondly at Light and without thinking he brought the other man’s hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss on it. Light gave him a brief surprised look, but he immediately smiled back and shifted slightly to rest his head on L’s shoulder, sighing contentedly. The detective allowed himself to relax, resting his head atop Light’s.

“Say, L,” Light started and L only hummed in reply. “The place we’re going to… The students, they’re supposed to succeed you, right? Aren’t you worried that they’re going to figure out about me?”

It was a good question. Of course, L had thought about this - he still kept an eye on the students’ rankings and knew very well who the best ones were. “Hmm. To be honest, I would be disappointed if they _didn’t._ Well, the top three students, at least, the other ones are still rather young. But I wouldn’t worry about it, they trust my judgement and Watari’s, and if we explain things to them once they find out, it’ll be fine. Two of them might give you a bit of a hard time - mainly out of jealousy - but the third one likely won’t care.”

“Wouldn’t it be better to tell them upfront?”

L smirked. “Where would be the fun in that?” Light lifted his head to glare at L and the detective shook his head. “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine. You’ll be fine.”

Light frowned and kept staring at L for a while, until his gaze softened and he sighed deeply in acceptance. “Alright. I’ll trust you,” he said, leaning forward to place a brief kiss on L’s lips. “Now… you said something about private cabins, I believe?”

L laughed and raised an eyebrow at the other man. “Do you wish to sleep, Light?”

Light pretended to consider it. “Hmm, it is quite late, after all. But this is going to be a long flight, so maybe I could be convinced to postpone sleep for a while…”

“Ah, but I wouldn't want to keep you from your well deserved rest...”

Light shut him up by kissing him again. “I won't keep playing this game with Watari sitting so close to us. Are we going to go before Ryuk gets bored of hanging out in the cockpit and comes looking for us?”

L smiled indulgently. “How could I resist such a tempting offer?” Light rolled his eyes and L squeezed his hand, smirking as he unfastened his seatbelt. “Shall I give you a tour of the private cabins, then?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta pointed out how considerate L was being with Light's family, and when we talked about how he will go to such lengths but can't say he's in love with L, all I could think about was the song "I won't say I'm in love", so I thought I'd give you all the mental image of L singing it. You're welcome^^
> 
> Anyway, I love Sayu - and Sachiko - and they deserve SO MUCH BETTER, so here... Sure, Light will be far away, but no one has to die or be kidnapped or suffer way too much. Also I like the idea that Sayu could see right through them.
> 
> Next time, we shall see how Light settles in at Wammy's!


	12. Face my fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He had always believed he would live and die alone - it was just easier that way, both for his work and for himself. So, of course opening up and learning to share his life was difficult; just like it was to learn to accept having feelings that ran deeper than attraction - to learn to love and allow himself to be loved. Even though he still wasn’t really able to think about love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, the last chapter of this story! It feels a bit weird to have it come to an end - even though I wrote it all between April 2018 and last February, then there has been the beta process, and the posting... It's been in my life for a while, and I don't really have any new project in mind...
> 
> Enough with the ramblings, Yune, there's a new chapter to introduce! Some of you might have noticed the title to be the KH3 theme song... It was pretty fitting seeing as my goal was always to finish writing this fic before KH3 came out and distracted me (I did, yay!), and, well, considering what L still has to do^^  
> The Wammy kids also make their apparition! I'm not suuuper familiar with them, I'll admit, as I never really dwelled on the second arc much, but I hope they're okay.
> 
> Anyway, here's the happy ending I promised! I love this chapter... It's pretty fluffy, maybe a bit cheesy, hopefully funny sometimes, and maybe a bit silly... I guess it's just full of happy feels, which is my ultimate goal when writing^^. I hope you will enjoy it! And thank you to everyone who stayed with me through this story!! All the kudos, comments, subs and bookmarks always made my day!!

Sighing softly, L stretched his arms above his head and his eyes fell automatically on the young man who was still fast asleep in their shared bed. The sun was only just starting to rise, and the room was still dark, save for the soft glow coming from L’s laptop. It had become rare for him to wake up so early that he would start working alone, Light having somehow managed to change his sleeping habits enough that he would now sleep every night, at least for a few hours. Not that he was complaining - he was usually most reluctant to leave the warmth of his boyfriend’s side and had decided early on that it was perfectly fine for him to stay there and enjoy the moment. Still, waking up around 3 or 4 am meant no going back to sleep for him, so he would eventually slip out of bed quietly and catch up on work.

Nightmares were still regularly plaguing Light’s sleep - which wasn’t too surprising; but other than that the younger man did his best not to let himself wallow in self-hatred and guilt. He spent a lot of time working, either with the children or with L on various cases, and seemed to thrive on the feeling that his life had a larger purpose. It had been almost six months since they had arrived at Wammy’s, and while complicated at first, things finally seemed to have settled down - mainly because the kids had come to accept Light. As L had expected, Near and Mello - well, especially Mello - hadn’t exactly been delighted by the fact that L had come back to the house after staying away for five years, only to bring someone with him to work with. The detective smiled softly upon recalling Matt’s reaction, which had been much more tame. The teenager had just approached them and glanced between L and Light before grinning at L and saying: _“Got yourself a boyfriend, huh? Cool.”_ As for the other kids, they were a bit less competitive and also much younger, so they hadn’t really seemed affected by the news.

Weirdly enough, Near and Mello had eventually come around _after_ deducing that Light used to be Kira. Well - not at first, obviously; L still remembered being awakened by three teenagers barging into their room barely one month after their arrival, with Mello yelling: _“Seriously?? You’re screwing Kira??”_ Near and Matt had fortunately managed to calm him down enough so that he would listen to their explanations, and L had also called in Watari to support their story. Eventually, they seemed to have understood and accepted what had transpired - that in the end they had both saved each other from Kira. Mainly, it had showed them that Light was not that perfect guy with the perfect life who had come to take their place as L’s successor. Somehow, it had made the change easier to accept for them.

Well, that, and the fact that they had been allowed to meet Ryuk. The three teenagers had seemed rather honored - and really excited - to be the only people let in on that secret. Also they loved to have a mystery accomplice who could fly through walls whenever they got an idea for a new prank.

Alright, maybe Light’s life _still_ wasn’t always easy. But L supposed that being the victim of harmless pranks was better than being subjected to Mello’s anger and Near’s inquisitive stare all the time. 

It was funny, somehow, how L now felt a lot closer to the three teens - and a few of the other children - than he had before. Before leaving the House he had always spent most of his time alone in his room-turned-office to work. He had known the kids sort of admired him or something, and he would usually indulge them when they came by to ask him questions, but he didn’t particularly care to get to know them. Now, however, he spent more time away from his work and didn’t particularly dislike being surrounded by other people. Maybe being away had done him some good. But truly, he knew that it was most likely Light’s influence. 

L smiled absently, thinking that not even a year ago he would have thought that he was becoming soft, and that it was a weakness. _But I suppose letting others in might not be such a bad thing after all._

Light’s voice cut through the silence, interrupting L’s train of thought. “I guess I still need to tire you out more if I want you to stop waking up at weird hours.”

L rolled his eyes but smiled at the younger man, who was now propped up on one elbow. “You already get me to sleep every night. Doesn’t that bring you enough satisfaction?”

“Well, you of all people should know _exactly_ what brings me satisfaction.”

L snorted quietly and raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t you feisty so early in the morning?”

“Are you going to complain or are you coming over?”

Shaking his head, L quickly crossed the few steps between his chair and the bed. He was immediately pulled into a deep, slow kiss and allowed Light to drag him under the covers and roll them over so that the younger man was lying on top of him - still very much naked from last night. As they broke apart, L smiled contemplatively, letting his fingers brush along Light’s jaw. “You know, I was actually thinking about you.”

Light eyed him suspiciously. “I want to think that’s sweet, but if it was then you wouldn't be mentioning it.”

L grinned. “I was thinking about that time when Mello got Ryuk to add pink dye to your conditioner.”

“See, I knew it. And for the hundredth time, that wasn’t funny,” Light muttered.

“I beg to differ,” L said, lifting his head to peck his boyfriend’s lips. “I thought it was hilarious.”

Light groaned and kissed L more fiercely, pouring his frustration into it. The detective moaned into the kiss and hooked one leg around Light’s waist, pulling him closer. “I know you’re doing this on purpose,” Light breathed out between kisses. “I shouldn’t be giving in.”

“It’s hardly my fault that you look so good when you get all riled up,” L retorted, fingers trailing up and down Light’s back.

The younger man only grumbled but kissed L again, helping him get rid of his shirt and boxers as their embrace turned more and more passionate. Neither of them felt the desire or the need to keep talking as the early morning eventually dissolved into fervent kisses, warm touches and pleasured sounds.

The sun had finally risen when they both came back to their senses, L’s head resting against Light’s shoulder as his hand loosely draped across the younger man’s chest. It was usually Light who liked to snuggle against him, but L also enjoyed allowing himself to relax in his boyfriend’s embrace. It gave him a sense of peace and belonging, and he still had a bit of trouble grasping that it was real. The Kira case could have made him lose everything - but what he had gained was something that he never would have anticipated. Something that he had been sure he would never want - or deserve. Something that he still couldn’t voice, but there were times when he tried.

“You know,” L started softly, fingers drawing idle patterns on Light’s chest, “I was lying earlier. I wasn’t thinking about that time you ended up with pink hair.” _Though, admittedly, it was funny,_ L thought, but he wasn’t about to say that now. Light hummed simply, likely sensing that L was trying to say something. “I _was_ thinking about you. That I was glad the kids had finally accepted you. That maybe your life still isn’t too easy with how much they prank you, but… I hope you don’t have regrets. I know I certainly don’t.” His voice became quieter as he spoke, and part of him wanted to slap some sense into himself. It had been _months;_ how was it that he still felt nervous admitting this sort of thing?

It wasn’t even that he was still struggling over whether or not he had made the right decision. Light had proven time and time again that he was taking this second chance seriously and that he definitely wasn’t Kira. Ryuk seemed amused and not inclined to kill anyone soon. The children were glad to have L around and had warmed up to Light. The moral implications of his choice were still a bit complicated, but L wasn’t one to dwell on that kind of issue for too long… He wasn’t the most morally white person anyway. No, it was more about L’s own insecurities about feelings and the fact that he had spent his life alone, cutting himself off from the world, never allowing anyone to get close to him. He had always believed he would live and die alone - it was just easier that way, both for his work and for himself. So, of course opening up and learning to share his life was difficult; just like it was to learn to accept having feelings that ran deeper than attraction - to learn to love and allow himself to be loved. Even though he still wasn’t really able to think about _love._

He was taken out of his musings by Light’s hand stroking his face and lifting his chin gently so he could look at him. “See, you _can_ be sweet,” the younger man said, his voice slightly teasing. “Or was that a trick question to judge whether or not I regret having been Kira?” Light asked, only half serious.

L rolled his eyes. “You know I don’t do that anymore.”

Light smiled at him. “I know. And if it’s not a trick question, then I don’t even know why you’re asking it. How could I have any regrets? Yes, they do prank me, and yes, it’s annoying, but… Even if we forget about the whole Kira thing, this is still likely to be the most interesting life I could have dreamed of. And, not to sound cheesy, but… I have you, too,” he said, poking L’s nose.

The detective grumbled good-naturedly and moved away from Light’s fingertip. “Alright, maybe it was a stupid question. But I stand by it.”

“I thought you were a genius?” Light teased, kissing L when he started grumbling again. As they pulled apart, L saw Light staring back at him with a fond look in his eyes. “I’m happy. Really,” the younger man said softly.

L stared back, feeling at a loss for words - something that Light was still able to make happen from time to time. Warmth spread through his chest and he felt himself starting to blush so he quickly leaned forward, whispering, “Good,” against his boyfriend’s lips before kissing him slowly. He noticed that Light chuckled softly into the kiss but chose to ignore that - at least he wasn’t pressuring him to open up more and seemed to find it cute whenever L struggled with his feelings. Never mind that L had asked him over and over again to keep that sentiment to himself.

“You’re cute,” Light breathed against his lips, unsurprisingly.

“Shut up,” L retorted, kissing him again.

_I’m happy too._

* * *

Months passed by quickly, and the most noteworthy event was L and Light spending a few days away in London. Weirdly enough, their vacation had actually been prompted by Near, Matt and Mello - apparently they had thought L wasn’t being a good boyfriend by forcing Light to stay at Wammy’s all the time and thought it was about time they went somewhere together. Though Mello’s actual words had been more along the lines of _“How the hell haven’t you ever taken your boyfriend on a date? You’re fucking rich, just take the guy out sometime.”_  

When L had mentioned this to Light, the younger man had laughed and said that he would never have expected L to take dating advice from teenagers. _“I tell you all the time: I’m happy. Sure, it would be nice to go out once in a while, but knowing you it probably just hasn’t crossed your mind,”_ Light had said - and he had been right, L usually didn’t go outside much. He said it was for safety reasons, but mainly he just liked staying in. Still, he had felt a bit annoyed at having been put on the spot by guys ten years younger than him, so he had gone ahead and booked them a suite at one of London’s most upscale hotels for four nights. 

There were a few things L realized during that trip. First, his successors might not be that smart after all if they hadn’t anticipated that telling Ryuk he should try haunting the Tower of London would lead to the Shinigami hijacking their private trip - though at least he _did_ remain at the Tower most of the time. Second, showing Light around London was way more fun than that field trip L had taken with Wammy’s House when he was a child. Third, Light looked really cute when planning their itinerary, with his expression switching from thoughtful to excited as he found new places he wanted to visit.

Lastly, he truly, definitely was in love with Light.

Which, alright, he had known for a while; but it was the first time that simply thinking the words didn't send him into a spiral of anxiety as he wondered what he was doing and whether or not he could afford to love— 

_No._

This time, he felt calm. Maybe it was being somewhere neutral, just the two of them, where they could truly feel like a couple as opposed to some rather unusual kind of colleagues and roommates. Maybe it was that after almost a year his brain had finally stopped trying to run away from his heart. It didn’t really matter what had changed in the end, what mattered was that for the first time in L’s life he actually loved someone, and that person loved him in return - and instead of scaring him, this knowledge filled him with warmth and a peaceful sense of happiness.

So peaceful, actually, that the last day of their trip passed by in a haze, with Light a bit confused as to why L was smiling more and often seemed lost in thought. The anxiety didn’t return as they settled back into their routine, and L would find himself gazing at Light more than usual, noticing how well the younger man fit into his life and how he couldn’t imagine it without him anymore. 

A few days after their return, Light and their three teenage shadows were baking a cake for one of the younger kids’ birthdays. L had tried to help, but apparently _“eating all the chocolate chips is not helping, L.”_ So, the detective was simply sitting on the other side of the kitchen counter, munching on a cupcake he had found in the fridge, and watching with amusement as his boyfriend tried to get young geniuses to follow simple baking instructions without destroying the kitchen - or killing each other. 

It was then, with Light trying to shake flour from his hair because Mello had found it hilarious to try and make it match Near’s, Matt snickering behind them at the video game on his phone, and Near trying to keep what was left of the chocolate chips out of Mello's grasp, that L realized something else: he still hadn’t told Light.

“Couldn’t you help me instead of sitting there and staring into space?” Light asked, startling L.

Their eyes met and L smiled, and as his mind was still stuck on his last thought before Light’s interruption, he blurted out without thinking, “I love you.”

Light froze and blinked, and L vaguely noticed the sudden silence and the three extra pairs of eyes that were fixated on him. “What?” Light said at last, his voice strained.

“Also, I tried to help, but you told me I should sit here,” L continued, his mind finally catching up with Light’s initial question.

“Don’t you dare change the subject. Did you really say what I think you said?”

L paused for a second, considering his options. Alright, maybe he hadn’t picked the best time or place to inform Light of his latest realization regarding his feelings, but he wasn’t about to back out now. “I did.”

Light blinked again and ran a hand over his face. “You— You say that _now?_ We just spent five days together in London, but you say that _here,_ now, in front of these guys.”

“Hey!” Mello protested, before Matt elbowed him in the ribs.

“I realize my timing might be off, but I stand by what I said,” L replied, nibbling his thumbnail.

They stared at each other silently for a moment, then Light bit his lip to try - and fail - to hold back his smile. “Kids, close your eyes. Public display of affection about to happen,” he said as he circled the counter, his hands reaching for L’s face as he hastily pulled the detective into a searing kiss.

L smiled into the kiss, barely registering Mello’s protest that they weren’t kids, followed by a disgusted noise, and maybe he would have rolled his eyes if he hadn’t been otherwise occupied. He wrapped his arms around Light’s neck and pulled him closer, his heart beating faster in the wake of his overdue confession. They didn’t let the kiss linger for too long given where they were, and eventually pulled away. The warmth and peace that L had been experiencing upon realizing the depth of his feelings came back full force when he saw the sheer happiness in Light’s eyes. He beamed back at his boyfriend, suddenly feeling a little foolish for having made him wait all these months.

“Seriously man, I can’t believe it took you so long to say it,” Matt said, interrupting the moment and making them both look at the teenagers.

“We should have made them go on a trip _way_ sooner,” Near sighed.

“Bad boyfriend,” Mello added, pointing towards L.

Unwilling to discuss this with his successors - though he was curious to see them do any better when the time came - L just shrugged at them and looked back at Light with a shy, apologetic smile. Light chuckled and shook his head fondly. “Idiot genius,” he simply said, leaning forward again to place a kiss on L’s forehead.

Later that night, as L repeated these words over and over again in the privacy of their bedroom, he also made sure to whisper his full name in Light's ear - proving, in his own way, that he truly meant it.

* * *

L heard the door to their room open and the sound of Light falling face first into their bed behind him. He tried not to let the amusement show too much on his face as he wondered what new way to torture Light Ryuk and his successors might have come up with - even after almost four years, some things just didn’t change. It was his boyfriend’s groan that made him turn around and away from his laptop. 

“What did they do this time?”

Light groaned again. “...I don’t want to talk about it,” he said eventually, his voice muffled by the mattress.

L smiled and left his chair to go sit on the bed, fingers immediately threading into the younger man’s hair, stroking soothingly. “Well then, I suppose you will be happy to learn that you will be getting a break soon.”

“We’re going on a trip?” Light asked, turning his head to look back at him. 

“Yes and no. This case I started working on earlier requires me to move operations to Australia for a bit, and I just assumed that you would rather follow me than hold the fort here alone.”

“Ha! You couldn't be more right about that.”

“I know,” L said cheerfully. “We don’t need to be there for another week, but we can leave tonight if you’d like. Japan isn’t exactly on the way, but I thought you might be happy to take a small detour and visit your family. We have yet to go back there, after all, and I know your mother has been asking a lot recently.”

Light sat up and L could see the gratitude on his boyfriend’s face. “Thanks. I’d like that. Besides, I suppose it’s about time I tell them why I won’t be coming back.”

“Ah, yes, because you used to be a deranged mass murderer and thus I—”

Light interrupted him by grabbing his wrists and pinning him down on the bed, then straddling his thighs. “Because I love you, you _ass,”_ the younger man said, frowning.

L knew that Light wasn’t really mad, though - just like Light knew L wasn’t being serious. Over the years, Light had learned to accept that his past as Kira would always be a part of him, and L’s infrequent teasing served both as a reminder of that, as well as of how hard he was working to redeem himself. So, the detective just sighed dramatically. “Such loving pet names you have for me.”

Light’s frown turned into a small smirk. “Aw, are you mad at me _cutie-pie?”_

L made a face. “ _God,_ that’s awful.”

“See, you like _ass_ better,” Light retorted, leaning down slightly and lacing their fingers together, L’s hands still pinned to the mattress.

L opened his mouth, then closed it and bit his lip as he saw Light staring at him expectantly, one eyebrow raised. “You know I hate it when you do this on purpose.”

“I am impressed that you managed not to run with that one, to be honest.”

“Ha! I’m not giving you this satisfaction.”

Light pecked his lips briefly. “Good. Your jokes are terrible.”

“And yet you keep provoking me.”

“What can I say? I like to watch you fight yourself,” Light replied teasingly.

“Do you, now?” L asked in the same tone. “Funny, it seems I do like the same thing,” he said, rolling his hips up pointedly without breaking eye contact.

It was Light’s turn to bite his lip, but he couldn’t hide the way his breath hitched. “Idiot,” he breathed out.

“Idiot _genius,_ please,” L retorted with a pleased smile.

“Shut up,” the younger man shot back, chuckling slightly as he leaned forward so that their lips were nearly touching.

L lifted his head slightly and captured Light's lips in a soft, slow kiss. “I love you too,” he said, smiling fondly as those words he once couldn’t even think now felt so natural to him. Not once had he regretted saying them though, nor his decision to give Light a second chance. As he looked into Light’s eyes, he was once again reminded why.

“What are you thinking about?”

“You.”

“In a sweet way?” Light asked carefully, arching an eyebrow.

L’s smile widened. “In a sweet way,” he said, pulling Light into another lingering kiss.

_Sweet indeed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end!!
> 
> Thank you again for reading until the end! I hope you liked the ending :) 
> 
> EDIT - I am adding more to this story!! I'm doing Deathnotetober 2019, and every one shot I'll write for the month will take place in this AU. So for those of you who wanted more... It happened! Just check the second work in this series, and you'll find the collection of one shots. I hope you'll enjoy those little additions :) 
> 
> Many, many thanks to my amazing beta [Akumeoi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akumeoi/pseuds/Akumeoi), for sticking with me through all this!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Don't hesitate to let me know what you think :)  
> You can also come talk to me on Tumblr [@yuneyn](http://yuneyn.tumblr.com/) and Twitter [@Yuneyn_](https://twitter.com/Yuneyn_/). I'd be happy to chat about these two!


End file.
